That’s Not How You Eat a Sandwich, According to This Japanese Manners Teacher

You’re on a first date. There’s laughter, the conversation is flowing, and you’re flustered, in a good way. When it comes time to order food you choose a sandwich, only realizing afterward this could lead to some very messy eating. Sure enough when the food comes, the ingredients in your sandwich are overflowing, bursting at the crusts. 

You hesitantly take a bite, but as luck would have it, the avocado slips out. Tomatoes and lettuce leaves tumble out next—you’ve lost all control and wish you had gotten the lasagna instead.

To avoid awkward social moments like these, Japanese manners teacher Emi Sunai instructs her students how to eat things prettily. As Japan looks poised to lift its state of emergency, she said more people have been enrolling in classes, itching to eat at restaurants and display their new skills. 

Most of her pupils, anywhere from their 20s to their 70s, are women looking to up their social game. Sandwiches, she said, among other messy food, are but a vehicle to demonstrate your elegance. 

“People think eating sandwiches horizontally is the best way, but actually what I recommend is turning your food vertically. This way, you don’t need to take a big bite and the ingredients are less likely to fall out, which means you can eat food more beautifully,” she told VICE. 

Japanese etiquette is vast and multifaceted. There are social mannerisms for different domains of life, from work and eating with others, to the arts and sports. 

In the traditional Japanese martial art of karate, one must bow at an angle of 45 degrees when entering and exiting the mat. In chado, the art of tea, those receiving the tea must turn the cup twice in a clockwise direction to avoid drinking from the best side, as a sign of modesty. 

Sunai, who wrote a best-selling book titled “What Only Well-Bred People Know,” has found a large following at a time when people spend more days at home. Though she’s developed a steady clientele over the years, the release of her book coincided with the pandemic and has led to a number of TV appearances.

At the root of etiquette is respect for others, as well as the shape of your movements, Sunai said. By taking the time to demonstrate each movement, the more respect you are giving others. 

“For example, to take off your shoes politely before entering a Japanese home, you can take them off, enter the room, then bend down to turn your shoes so that they face the door. This may seem tedious or like a waste of time, but the other person will know how much you respect them,” Sunai said. 

Eating, which she said is one of the most important ways to master elegance, takes up about a fifth of her book.

Bite marks are also a big no-no. 

“Some Japanese people get shy about small details. So what I recommend is wrapping your food in paper to avoid other people seeing. It’s better for you and your date that they don’t see you opening your mouth wide open to take a bite, or that they don’t see your bite marks,” she said. 

Eating a sandwich beautifully is apparently a transferable skill. 

Hamburgers, dorayaki (pancake-like patties), pizza slices, and other food that’s wider than it is tall can also be eaten prettily. With a hamburger, Sunai recommended cutting it in half, then (you guessed it) flipping it vertically to make sure the ingredients don’t fall out. 

“If a hamburger is really big, what I also like to do is take a bite from the bottom, then the top. Like you’re breaking it up into two levels. That way each bite is even smaller and cleaner,” she said. 

Through practicing social etiquette, Sunai said one can gain confidence. 

“Students have told me that after learning these manners, they feel like they can enter any fancy or high-end store without feeling embarrassed. It makes life more fun. You don’t have to worry about what you should do in certain social situations. And you get better service too, because they see you as a better customer,” she said. 

Though some readers attested to the countless doors good manners opened for them, others felt having to learn these rules to fit into high society promoted classism. 

“I want to learn manners because when you do understand it, it makes you feel good. But I don’t like the thinking that it’s somehow wrong to not know good etiquette,” one review said. 

“To do something simply because you’re worried what other people might think or see, that’s disappointing to me… The family environment you grew up in doesn’t matter. There are wonderful people who weren’t ‘well-bred’,” another review said. 

Sunai said it’s important to note that good etiquette was merely a tool, and at the end of the day, the main thing is having fun while respecting others. 

“When you’re eating BQ gurume (B-class gourmet), it doesn’t matter if your eating isn’t pretty. You should be able to eat cup noodles how you like,” she said. 

“There’s a time and a place for social etiquette, but if you learn it, then you’ll be able to attend any social event with more confidence. Above all, you must respect others and not cause a nuisance.” 

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