How Coronavirus Upended the Relationship Timeline

Before the pandemic, Carys*, 24, travelled for work and usually avoided getting into serious romantic relationships. But in the first lockdown, she started talking to her now partner and over summer she entered the most intense relationship that she has ever been in.

Now, with restrictions set to be peeled back entirely by the 21st of June and life quickly returning back to normal, Carys has just found out that she’s pregnant. (She requested anonymity as she has yet to disclose this to others.) But like anyone else who started a relationship in the past year, she’s still considering the future of a relationship that’s in its infancy. 

“I can count the amount of times he’s stayed over on my hands, which is so weird. I have no idea what it's like to spend a morning with him so he has no idea how to handle my foul morning mood yet. I don't know what he's like to argue with and I'm considering having a child with him,” she says. “Meeting his family will be a big deal, especially if I meet them for the first time rocking up with a baby bump, like ‘Hello, meet your kid’s girlfriend and your future grandchild at the same time’ is a little intense.”

Since the start of the pandemic, dating changed completely; casual sex was illegal until this week, and dates were largely park or walking-based. It meant that those trying out relationships when lockdown was announced had to move quickly or stop altogether.  Some moved their partners into their homes or got married months after meeting. That doesn’t come as a surprise, given research from relationship charity Relate that found that 36 percent of people feel as though “two months in isolation feels equivalent to two years of commitment”. Away from the usual distractions of work or friends and family, lockdown has altered the speed and order at which we would usually hit relationship milestones.

Despite being together for almost a year, Carys still has yet to experience all sides of her partner in a restriction-free world. “I really, really like this guy but I have no idea whether we are compatible in the small things like food or how much time we spend together. I also can't believe I'm in a relationship with someone who might talk through films or can't keep up with my speed-walking through tube stations.”

Jennifer* and her boyfriend met while they were both furloughed and spent all day everyday speaking to each other. Now that they’re both back to work, Jennifer, who is using a pseudonym as she has yet to discuss her concerns with her boyfriend, is worried about how she will fit into his life now.

“We sorta did things in the wrong order; very domestic at first and in our little bubble,” she says. “Now there are 500 other things needing our attention – work, family and friends – and we would like to have actual dates, but it’s hard to find the time and decide on a place.

“I knew he’d have to work a lot [of] weird hours but being confronted with the reality after four months of domestic bliss is kinda tough. It’s a bit like a withdrawal. I know he’s super tired but sometimes I’m like, ‘Does he actually still want to spend time with me?’ even though it’s hard to find time where we’re both free.”

Bursting their pandemic bubble has led to a growing amount of anxiety about their compatibility for Jennifer. “I haven’t met any of his friends [yet]. What if they’re really annoying or what if they hate me?” she says. “I’m starting to doubt we’d like the same kinds of places to go out to - he’s very working class English and I’m foreign.”

For others, being in a “turbo relationship” doesn’t really cross their mind. Chris, 23 met his partner in August 2020 when they were volunteering in Germany. Now, back in Scotland, as restrictions have eased, they have only just been on their first “proper date”.

“She has met a few of my friends now, and it's really nice to see her getting on with them,” he says. “The lockdowns certainly made our relationship more intimate quite quickly, as whenever we met up we were staying in each other’s flats rather than meeting at a bar for a few hours. In a way it was nice, because it meant we got comfortable with each other quite quickly rather than having a lot of the awkwardness you often get on initial dates.”

Moving quickly has made Chris and his partner more sure of each other and they’re looking forward to meeting each other's families finally when restrictions in Scotland allow it, he says. “I've met all of her family, but only over a Zoom call. I got added to their family group chat as well which has been a nice informal way to speak to and get to know them more.”

For those in pandemic relationships, trying to integrate new partners into their previous lives is ultimately a whole new challenge in itself. Chris says it’s the healthiest long term relationship he’s been in, and Jennifer is hopeful that she and her boyfriend will slowly get used to being in each other’s new lives.

Although Carys is uncertain of what the future will be like, she’s still looking forward to it. “It’s such a ridiculous situation but it’s also weirdly brilliant. I was all prepared for life to go back to normal but now it might be changing forever for a completely different reason,” she says. “I went into this pandemic as a young, touring, artsy person with absolutely nothing tying me to anywhere and I'm leaving it with my first permanent address in years, a long term relationship and possibly a baby.”

@nanasbaah