What VICE Readers Bought This Month: Chocolate, Chainmail, and Knives

Oh jeez, it’s March already? Well, despite the seemingly accelerative passage of time and its devastating impact on our mental perception of our youth, there is one thing to look forward to at the end of each fleeting month: seeing what products VICE readers tossed into their shopping carts! [Cue nervous laughter.] February, on the whole, was a turbulent month—in case you hadn’t noticed the weird weather patterns and geopolitical disarray—so nobody can (or should) blame you for indulging in some serotonin-boosting retail therapy. 

While we tend to our flock of pizza rats and anxiously pound cans of Spindrift like it’s going out of style, we appreciate a soothing distraction from our crumbling world, in the form of scrolling through our records and seeing what you all blew your hard-earned dough on as February comes to a close. Last time we met, y’all prioritized self care, doubled down on home decor, and splurged on some workout recovery gadgets—which means for some of you, those New Year’s fitness resolutions are still going strong. (Props.) In February, you doubled down on spa-like deodorant, upgraded your sleep accessories, and filled your cabinets with scrumptious snacks, to name just a few of your proclivities. 

For those of you who didn’t jump on the online shopping bandwagon wagon attached to a go-kart, now’s your chance to cop all of the items you’ve been dreaming about. Here are the bestsellers that VICE readers went nuts for this month. 

You revamped your living space

After seeing Wayfair’s bachelor-pad-cool new furniture line, Steelside, how could you not zhuzh your home? We put together a list of the best Steelside products, which are the love child of mid-century modern, industrial decor, and JB Blunk minimalism, and a lot of you flocked to this Aisha Square Arm Loveseat, and we don’t blame you. This is the sort of couch you’d gingerly sit on in some rich person’s loft, but it’s on sale for a (relatively) affordable $400, which means you’ve got many nights of passing out in style (in front of the Roku, in your underwear) ahead of you.

A pillow specifically for side sleepers

“This cult-fave, best-selling side sleeper pillow has impressed even me, a pillow hoarder by trade who thought I’d slept on it all,” Rec Room contributor Angel Kilmister wrote in her glowing review of The Scrumptious Side Sleeper Pillow by Honeydew Sleep—which you all bought in droves. “I’m getting some of the best sleep I’ve ever had thanks to its funky ergonomic shape and cooling filling, and the less I wake up in the middle of the night convinced that I said something stupid at a wedding two years ago, the more I can go on living a life of joy and focus on the things that really matter, like how Shayne on the new season of Love Is Blind is really toxic and annoying.” Cheers to a good night’s rest.

You ditched drug-store deodorant

We don’t blame you. There are a lot of nasty chemicals in that stuff, and there are loads of better, nicer-smelling options out there, including Native, a natural deodorant (that actually works) made without aluminum, parabens, phthalates, or talc; and Eav des Baux by L’Occitane, a dangerously good-smelling upgrade from the bulk stuff—two of the top-sellers from our rundown of the best men’s deodorant.

Self care takes many forms… 

… And in February, one of those forms was a big ol’ box of pickles—incidentally, one of the best-selling Valentine’s Day presents from our gift guides. The Big Dill is “a curated pickle box with a picklepalooza of a lineup showcasing some of the finest gourmet indie picks to headline our tasting table, perfect for anyone who loves vinegar or vegetables,” which, yes—we will be living off that for the foreseeable future.

For those who are more of the sweet-tooth type, it’s not all briny. When Hella, a Rec Room favorite, came back into stock after months of being sold out, we were seriously stoked, and so were you. Hella is made with just three organic ingredients: hazelnuts, cacao nibs, and coconut sugar, and has a rich, creamy texture just like the product it’s named after and rhymes with. If history repeats itself, it will sell out again soon, so snag it while you can.

You’re horny for sex snacks

Oysters, black truffles, and sea cucumbers were once considered the most potent of “aphrodisiacs,” but it’s 2022, baby, and we’re in a new era of horny snacks, from sex chocolate to “arousal water.” Seems like y’all are ready to get freaky, because you were stoked on trying Moon Juice’s adaptogenic supplement blend, which includes maca, cacao, shatavari root, shilajit extract, schisandra berry powder, and organic epimedium—aka horny goat weed. Does it work? Well, the reviews are very good, very spicy, and described “increased urges” and an “intensified experience.” Put some in your morning smoothie, and some tingles just might appear.

And speaking of bedtime… 

Your chamber isn’t just for sex; it’s also, of course, for sleeping. Picking the right mattress for your budgets and sleep style can require some research, but we’re happy to break it down for ya. The top picks this month when it comes to mattresses: Avocado’s super-eco-friendly Green Mattress, and the incredible Solaire from Saatva, which has a whopping 50 customizable firmness options and comes with a 180-night home trial, and also happens to be on sale for $250 off right now.

Some upgrades for your culinary arsenal

If you know us, you know that we love Misen products, and the brand’s nonstick pans are no exception. Besides looking chef’s kiss is your cabinet, this pan comes in three sizes, and features a long-lasting nonstick surface and spacious cooking area. If you thought your egg-frying game was solid before you copped this puppy (one of the best nonstick pans out there), you’re in for a treat.

You also dug Made In’s Nakiri knife, which comes as no surprise, since Japanese-style knives are known for being super-sharp and having beautiful design. “Aside from being of the utmost quality, Made In’s 6-Inch Nakiri Knife is a super sick-looking, aesthetically awesome piece of equipment that’s a pleasure and a half to play around in the kitchen with,” Rec Room editor Ian Burke explained after trying it out. 

You shopped smart

Everyone (or at least, anyone who knows anything) knows the best time to shop for chainmail bikinis is the off season. Y’all sprinted to line your shopping carts with this two-piece chainmail bikini, which the seller helpfully explains “is your classic bikini but it is made of metal instead.” Plus, anodized aluminum won’t tarnish after taking a dip in your public pool or beach.

You went spelunking

Well, in a sense. We are always on the lookout for the best prostate massagers and butt toys out there in the world wide web of sex stuff, and this month, the Aneros Helix Syn Trident took the cake… your cakes. In addition to looking like a cool accessory for Poseidon, this thing is ergonomically designed to hit all the right spots beyond your sphincter, with one reviewer saying, “It’s pretty easy to insert and isn’t too filling—so it shouldn’t be intimidating for a cis heterosexual man. If you do nothing other than lie on your back it will start to feel like you’re being gently rimmed and firmly fingered all at the same time.” Um, sounds pretty fucking great to us?

And for joining it in your nightstand drawer, there’s Uberlube, which truly might be the best-rated lube on the market for people of all ages and genders (seriously, read the reviews from very happy 70somethings), and for literally countless purposes. That’s why it was one of our best-sellers this month. We’re so proud. [Eyes well up with tears…]

A couch fit for a… small apartment 

No shame! Some of us aren’t the children of oil barons, which means we have to get creative when furnishing our small living spaces. Range, a three-piece open sectional lounger from Burrow is perfect for that—it gives you nearly limitless arrangements options to fit your home without sacrificing quality or comfort.

See you in a cool 31 days—and happy Mardi Gras!