Jack Off Like Captain Picard With This High-Tech Stroker for 20% Off

Sex toys have come a long way since the era of the mighty Magic Wand. These days, we’re cumming in Vajankles, tracking our orgasms on apps, and plugging our peach with Shrek’s face. Basically: If you can wet dream it, there’s a big chance that a wavy sexual wellness brand has made it (and given it a primo celebrity baby name like Aer, Tor, or MYHIXEL). 

“But if sex toys are so eVoLvEd, how come the ones for dudes suck?” is, however, still a common concern from friends who have to listen to me coo about sentient dildos. Their main gripes are that many male sex toys 1) look like disembodied… lips, and that they are 2) a pain in the ass to clean—and you really, really do have to clean that Fleshlight, my brother in Christ.

That’s where Hot Octopuss comes into play. The sexual wellness brand has been making gender-inclusive vibrators for all kinds of bodies and needs for over a decade, from futuristic penis strokers to this jet pack for your balls. The brand’s multi-award winning Pulse Solo Essential vibrator, for example, looks more like a sleek robot gauntlet from Tron than a traditional male masturbator.

The Pulse Solo Essential uses something called Pulse Plate Technology™, which Hot Octopuss says was developed with scientific tech originally present in medical devices “designed to make those with spinal-cord injuries orgasm to produce ejaculate” in order to help them conceive. The stroker measures roughly 5-inches long, and delivers high-amplitude oscillations and vibrations to your shaft while wrapping around it like a bo bun, giving you the pleasure of a semi-en plein air spank sesh, and the joy of breezy clean up that eludes many tube-design masturbators. There are also plenty of Hot Octopuss reviews for you peruse, praising everything from the power of the Pulse Solo Essential’s vibrations to its ability to “create an orgasm even with ED”; special shout-out to the jabroni who just wrote, “It blows my ears off!!!”

Typically, male masturbators of this caliber can cost into the $100/all of your Pokémon cards-range. But right now, Life Is Good™. It’s nearly July 31, otherwise known as National Orgasm Day, and in honor of the horny holiday the benevolent Cum Lords have blessed us with 20% off the Pulse Solo Essential with the code EVERYBODY20. In other words, for the price of a few negronis, you could be getting your penis—and your ego, you price-slashing sleuth—stroked like a pro.

Purchase the Pulse Solo Essential at Hot Octopuss.

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals? Sign up for our newsletter.