KATY PERRY’S “PRISM” IS A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY

YO FAM IDK IF YOU NIGGAS KNOW OR NOT BUT PRISM IS A GOVERNMENT PROGRAM THAT TRACKS HOW MANY TIMES YOU LURK YOUR EX GIRLFRIENDS INSTAGRAM AND ALSO KEEPS A COUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES YOU CLICK ON A PORN LINK THAT ENDS UP BEING SOME BESTIALITY SHIT AND YOU LET IT LINGER INSTEAD OF TURNING THE SHIT OFF IMMEJUTLY AND CONTINUING YOUR SEARCH FOR NEW RACHEL STARR JOINTS.

SO IT FOLLOWS THAT THIS KATY PERRY JOINT IS ACTUALLY A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY TO MAKE YOUR SELFIES PUBLIC DOMAIN OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT. YOU FEEL ME? THIS SHIT IS MUSICAL INDOCTRINATION THAT WILL MAKE YOU GIVE UP ALL YOUR FREEDOMS JUST TO HAVE SOME SHIT TO SING ALONG TO IN YOUR YARIS MA. YOU READY TO DO THAT? LEMME BREAK THIS SHIT DOWN SONG BY SONG FOR YOU SO YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT. CUZ SOME OF THESE JOINTS ARE BRAINWASH TUNEZ AND SOME ARE JUST MUSIC TO OD ON MOLLY TO.

ROAR
YO THIS IS ABOUT GIRLS ROARING OR WHATEVER WHICH IS DIRECT LINK TO THE GOVERNMENT TAPPING YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU ARGUING WITH YOUR BABY MOMS. YOU GOT AN OPEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE THAT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT BECAUSE CONGRESS IS LISTENING TO TELL YOUR BABYMOMS YOU GONNA KNOCK HER OUT FOR BLOWING YOUR COUSIN TITO. THIS IS ACTUALLY KINDA RACIST BRUH BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT TAPPING TRAC PHONES WHICH IS WELFARE PHONES WHICH IS RACIST. ANY SONG ABOUT WELFARE PHONES IS RACIST BECAUSE YOU THINK ONLY MINORITIES GOT TRACKIES?

LEGENDARY LOVERS
WOW THIS IS ALSO KINDA RACIST CUZ SHE TALKS ABOUT THIRD EYES AND CHAKRA AND SHIT. MA AREN’T YOU FROM SOME EXTREMELY SUBURBAN WHITE PART OF CALIFORNIA? CAN YOU EVEN SPELL CHAKRA MY PAL? IDK WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH GOVERNMENT SURVEILANCE EXCEPT THAT THIRD EYE SHIT IS PROLLY SOME ILLUMINATI SHIT.

BIRTHDAY
SHORTY TALKIN ABOUT A HEALTHY APPETITE. GUESS WHAT FAM? MONSANTO IS FEEDING YOU NIGGAS GMO GARBAGE MY GUYS SO PLEASE STAY AWARE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT GMO STANDS FOR? OH COOL LEMME TELL YOU. GMO STANDS FOR SHUT THE FUCK UP DOG JUST KNOW THAT ITS NOT A GOOD THING. THIS SONG IS BASICALLY ABOUT EATING PESTICIDES THAT CAUSE AUTISM AND ALSO SOCIAL SECURITY IS A PONZI SCHEME. VACCINES ALSO CAUSE AUTISM SO DON’T EVER GET VACCINES.

WALKING ON AIR
THIS IS ABOUT DRONE STRIKES B. STRAIGHT UP. THIS IS TO–MAN FUCK THIS. YOU NIGGAS KNOW HOW TEDIOUS IT IS TO MAKE GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY JOKES ABOUT AN ENTIRE ALBUM OF POP MUSIC? THAT SHIT IS WILD TEDIOUS SO FUCK IT I’M DOING THE REST OF THIS SHIT STRAIGHT UP BECAUSE LETS BE HONEST IF NIGGAS WERE GONNA USE AN ALBUM TO BRAINWASH AMERICA IT DEFINITELY WOULDN’T BE KATY PERRY MY NIGGA. YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ NOBODY THAT CAN DESTROY THE GOVERNMENT LISTENS TO KATY PERRY. ONLY BITCHES WITH SMOKY EYE MAKEUP LISTEN TO KATY PERRY AND UNLESS OBAMA PASSES A LAW MAKING UGGS AND LEGGINGS ILLEGAL THEY AIN’T FINNA OVERTHROW SHIT.

UNCONDITIONALLY
WOW YOU KNOW HOW MANY WINGDINGS ARE GONNA DEDICATE THIS SONG TO THEIR “BOO BEAR AMANDA”?? I’M NOT EVEN GONNA ATTEMPT TO PUT A NUMBER ON IT BUT IF I WANTED TO, I KNOW I’D NEED TO USE MY KNOWLEDGE OF EXPONENTS. IDK WHERE NICHOLAS SPARKS IS RIGHT NOW BUT HE’S DEFINITELY LISTENING TO THIS SHIT AND THINKING ABOUT ONE OF THE JONAS BROTHERS RUNNING INTO JENNIFER LAWRENCE ARMS AND HE IS MASTURBATING FRANTICALLY.

DARK HORSE
YO IS THIS THE NEW POP STARLET MOVE? LETS GET JUICY J OR MIKE WILL TO MAKE ME A STRIP CLUB JOINT BUT PUT SOME DANCE MUSIC STATION BREAKDOWNS INTO THE SHIT? I KINDA WANNA BE MAD AT THIS SHIT BUT IT KINDA REALLY KNOCKS. THIS IS THE AUDIO VERSION OF AN ITALIAN STRIPPER WITH A FAKE ASS.

THIS IS HOW WE DO
THIS IS HOW YOU DO? WORD? “STRAIGHT STUNTIN”?? WORD? “NAHMEAN”?? YO WHITE WOMEN I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK YOU FOR THIS. THIS IS FUCKIN INFURIATING. TONGUE IN CHEEK HOOD PHRASES ARE ONLY ENDEARING IF IM SMASHING MA. AND AS FAR AS I KNOW I’M NOT SMASHING KATY PERRY SO I CAN’T GREENLIGHT THIS SHIT B. FUCK KESHA FOR THIS B. EVER SINCE THAT PUDDLE OF BUM PISS SAID “WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELIN LIKE P DIDDY” WHITE BITCHES STARTED TALKRAPPING ON ALL THEY SONGS AND I AM NOT WITH IT AT ALL SORRY MY PALS. I’LL SLINGSHOT YOU INTO OUTERSPACE WITH YOUR FLORAL PRINT LEGGINGS MA PLEASE STICK TO WHAT YOU KNOW LIKE FOR EXAMPLERY PUGS, OR HIGH CALORIE COFFEE DRINKS. LEAVE RAPPING TO RAPPERS MA. I IMPLORE YOU.

INTERNATIONAL SMILE
WOW FAM THIS ENTIRE ALBUM IS “MUSIC FOR A ________ COMMERCIAL” THIS SONG IS FOR A WHITENING TOOTHPASTE COMMERCIAL. THE COMMERCIAL IS LIKE “OH SHIT ZOEY (COOL QUIRKY NAME RIGHT LOLZ) IS RUNNING THROUGH THE AIRPORT OMG SHE’S GONNA MISS HER FLIGHT BUT THERE’S A CUTE GUY OMG!” *ZOEY BRUSHES HER TEETH AND FLASHES HER INTERNATIONAL SMILE* GIMME A BREAK MY PAL I’LL SHOOT THIS SHIT.

GHOST
THIS SONG SOUNDS LIKE THAT LAST SONG B. I’M GONNA “REVIEW” THE NEXT SONG AND I BET YOU I’LL GET THE VIBE OF THE SONG WITHOUT EVEN LISTENING TO THE SHIT B. YO YESTERDAY I HAD THE WORST MIGRAINE EVER, WHAT CAUSES MIGRAINES? MY WIFE WAS LIKE “ITS STRESS RELATED” BUT I’M LIKE “WHAT THE FUCK IS STRESSFUL ABOUT MY LIFE?” THEN I REALIZED I WASN’T KESHA SINGING ABOUT FEELIN LIKE P DIDDY AND IM ACTUALLY A YOUNG DOMINICAN MAN LIVING BELOW THE POVERTY LINE. THIS SONG SUCKS BRUH ITS SOME SHIT ABOUT MISSING A GUY OR SOMETHING BLAHBLAH AIN’T ALL THESE SHITS?

LOVE ME
THIS IS A FAT GIRL BREAKUP SONG MY GUY. IF YOU ARE AN OBESE FEMALE AND YOUR BOYFRIEND DUMPED YOU THEN YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE TO BE ABLE TO GET OVER THAT “FRIGGIN JERK”! AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FINDS KATY’S PRONUNCIATION OF THE WORD “COSTUME” WILD OBNOXIOUS? “COSHTYUME” ?? WORD MA? ARE YOU A FUCKIN BRITISH DUTCHESSMASTER? SAY WORDS RIGHT MA YOU’RE A FUCKIN BAZILLIONAIRE! YOU PISS PEPSI MAX AND EUROS YOU DON’T GOTTA SAY WORDS FUNNY TO WIN FANS OVER. YOU JUST GOTTA SHOOT WHIPPED CREAM OUT YOUR NIPPLES.

THIS MOMENT
KRAFTYWERK PERRY HAHA YOU SEE WHAT I DID? I SAID THIS SOUND LIKE KRAFTWERK…IT DONT REALLY BUT I SAID THAT ANYWAY JUST TO SHOW YOU NIGGAS WHERE IM AT MUSICALLY B. NAHMEAN I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT KRAFTWERK AND AUTHECHRE AND THE BREEDERS AND OTHER SHIT LIKE THAT BECAUSE I AM WILD FUCKIN CULTURED BRUH AND I’M A JOURNALIST. THIS IS A FUCKIN LAME BALLAD DOG. LISTEN MA THE NIGGA FROM GYM CLASS HEROES IS TOTALLY OVER YOU AT THIS POINT NO NEED TO SHOOT THESE MILLION COPY SELLING AUDIO AIRBALLS AT THAT NIGGA MAN. HE’S PROBABLY SOMEWHERE SO FUCKIN HIGH ON XANAX HE CAN’T EVEN BLINK. HE’LL NEVER HEAR THIS CUZ HE’S LISTENING TO HIS HEARTBEAT.

DOUBLE RAINBOW
OH GUYS CELEBRITIES GO ON THE INTERNET TOO!! HAHA!! KATY NAMED THIS SONG AFTER THE YOUTUBE NIGGA THAT SAW TWO RAINBOWS AND STARTED GEEKIN. KATY I THINK 16 TRACKS OF THIS BREATHY POWER BALLAD FUCKSHIT IS TOO MUCH MA. I KNOW NOT ALL 16 OF THESE JOINTS ARE LIKE THIS BUT IT SURE FEELS LIKE IT CUZ I’M COMPLETELY SOBER RIGHT NOW AND LISTENING TO THIS SOBER MAY HAVE BEEN A BIG MISTAKE HINDSIGHT IS 20 20 THOUGH YOU FEEL ME SO WHATEVS. WOW THIS SONG IS STILL PLAYING. A DOUBLE RAINBOW IS HARD TO FIND. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS HARD TO FIND? NIGGAS IN MY HOUSE THAT ARENT OUTSTANDINGLY ANNOYED BY ME LISTENING TO THIS SHIT WITHOUT HEADPHONES. EVEN MY WIFE IS LIKE “THIS IS STUPID” AND SHE IS WHITE AS FUCK. MY WIFE IS SO WHITE IF SCRAPBOOKING WAS A SPORT SHE WOULD ORGANIZE A YOUTH LEAGUE IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD
JESUS CHRIST HERE WE GO WITH THE SOMBER PIANO. WHAT IS THIS LILITH FAIR SHIT B? I WANNA RESCUE A PUPPY TO THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW MY PAL. I REALLY FEEL LIKE GIVING A HOMELESS MAN A BATH TO THIS B. YOU GOTTA DO SOME GOOD DEED TO THIS FUCKIN SONG MAN AND THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING MY PAL TRUST ME. PHILANTHROPY IS ADDICTIVE NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU GRABBING THE SQUEEGEE OUT THE BUMS HAND AND GIVING HIM A 20 TO GO GET A DRINK AND A SANDWICH WHILE YOU “COVER HIS SHIFT” GUESS WHAT HOMIE THERES NO SHIFT HE’S A BUM CLEANING WINDOWS ITS NOT A REAL JOB. ITS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL SO GO GET THAT BUM AND GET YOUR 20 BACK BUT YOU WON’T FIND HOMIE, HE’S LIKE A DOUBLE RAINBOW.

SPIRITUAL
THIS IS A COOL SONG I’M NOT MAD AT THIS IDK WHAT IT IS BUT IT MAKES ME WANNA DO COCAINE IN A DUNGEON LIT WITH SCENTED CANDLES. THERE GOTTA BE A DJ THERE TOO, PRINCE TERRENCE GOTTA BE DJING THE SHIT. THIS IS A VERY SOOTHING BUT EROTIC SONG B. VERY BAREFOOT IN THE KITCHEN TYPE VIBES I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW B. KATE HUDSON FLOW MAX LEVELS ACHIEVED TO THIS JOINT RIGHT HERE. THIS IS GOOD I LIKE THIS. I LOVE THIS. I’M ABOUT TO OIL MYSELF TO THIS AND JOIN A ROMANIAN ORGY VIA SKYPE MY NIGGA JUUHEEARDD. THIS IS VERY SPIRITUAL *MERO ENTERS KARATE STANCE* YOU CAN EITHER DO TAI CHI TO THIS SHIT OR JERK OFF. NOT BOTH AT THE SAME TIME THO BECAUSE THATS WAY TOO HEAVY RELAXATION VIBES YOUR HEART MIGHT STOP.

IT TAKES TWO
THIS SONG FUCKING SUCKS.

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES
STRONG CLOSING TO THE ALBUM THIS IS KINDA DRAKEY/KANYEY IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE? IT DOESN’T? YOU KNOW WHY? CUZ I DRANK HALF A BOTTLE OF HENNESSY TO “SPIRITUAL” AND NOW THIS SOUNDS REALLY GOOD EVEN THOUGH ITS HIGHLY POSSIBLE THE SHIT IS STRAIGHT TRASH. I DONT CARE RIGHT NOW FAM I’M ABOUT TO WATCH SOMETHING ON TV THAT I RECORDED WHICH STILL KINDA BUGS ME OUT. REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULDN’T REWIND TV? HOW DID WE EVEN LIVE? HOW DID PEOPLE EVEN MAKE GIFS? IMAGINE A WORLD WITHOUT GIFS?! *SHUDDERS*

YO I GIVE THIS SHIT 2 PILES OF DUTCHGUTS OUTTA 5. “SPIRITUAL” GARNERED THIS WEED PLATE A WHOLE 2 POINTS. SHOUTOUT TO WHOEVER PRODUCED/WROTE THAT. YOU ARE A MOOD SETTER EXTRAORDINAIRE MY PAL. I’M ABOUT TO MAKE THAT MY OFFICIAL BJ THEME SONG. NEXT REVIEW I SWEAR I WON’T MENTION BJ’S NOT EVEN ONCE I’M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE 2013 LIL WAYNE.

STANDOUT TRACK: “SPIRITUAL” IS SUCH A JOINT MAN WOW. *BODY ROLLS INTO SUE’S RENDEZVOUS*

THE KID MERO ROARS. HE’S ON TWITTER — @THEKIDMERO