To call Kawhi Leonard a boring-ass robot is kind of unfair to whoever designed him. Sure, the man is unfeeling—but however he was built, his maker at least had a razor-sharp sense of humor. Because the man is just a too-perfect glitch of human emotion.
Earlier this year, we were treated to his laugh, which is an all-expenses-paid trip through the uncanny valley. Then there’s the fact that the multimillionaire still uses coupons at Wingstop and often drives a rehabbed ’97 Chevy Tahoe, claiming, “it’s paid off.”
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And after last night, it’s safe to say that Kawhi is officially having A Moment.
Kawhi’s Toronto Raptors defeated the Los Angeles Clippers (who are rumored to reciprocate his interest in playing there) 123-99—Kawhi was confronted with the biggest litmus test of human emotion, at least in the Christian-dominated world. Kawhi sat for the game with a hip injury, and it seemed like the right time to ask something fun or zany, but when he was asked about his favorite Christmas memories, this is how he responded:
“Not right now,” the man said.
Happy Christmas, Mr. Scrooge!
Not right now, Bob.
See, if Kawhi were designed by some kind of hack, the response would be something like (insert robot voice), “Christmas is a holiday that is beyond my comprehension.” Something like that. But no. “Not right now,” is the perfect joke response because we know we’re not getting a better answer later.
It’s not like next game Kawhi is going to expound on his thoughts about the holiday of lights and giving and love. It’s almost like a Magic 8 Ball shook you back for another try, just to have the same answer written all over that jiggly cube in the middle.
Whatever minimalist programming it took to make the man this comically devoid of human emotion, it surely saved some room for basketballing. Because the man can ball.
