Kirk Cousins Barely Hit the Broad Side of His Baby Gender Reveal Thing

Kirk and Julie Cousins are expecting a new addition to the family and, because this is now a thing that we do apparently, they engaged in a semi-elaborate performance to announce whether it would be a boy or girl. A gender reveal, if you will. Along the lines of one military couple who chose to have dad-to-be mow down a blue chalk-filled cardboard box with a fucking automatic rifle, the Cousinses paid homage to Kirk’s professionalism by having him throw a football at a cardboard box with a question mark on it.

Kirk hit his receiver in the proverbial shoelaces, unleashing a cloud of blue smoke. It’s a boy!

A month ago, Washington placed the franchise tag on Cousins for the second consecutive year, in large part because they are uncertain whether he is Franchise Quarterback material. Looking at the film, you can sort of see where they’re coming from. From barely ten feet away, he rifled a pass nowhere near the center of the target. His footwork was a mess. He showed no touch. The dog was super confused.

Washington will pay Cousins $23.94 million this year.