To flourish at a Las Vegas sex party, you should be ready to encounter an array of tastes and choices. For instance, you may come across someone getting eaten out on a pool lounge chair, a flogger demonstration delivered in a tour-guide affect, or a topless woman screaming a country song called “Strawberry Wine” in a karaoke room full of jazzy linen-covered tables. Whether you get involved is totally up to you: Many events include central rooms where sex is off limits, partly to encourage first-timers to attend without having to immediately enter a fray of bodies. You can ease into things if you like—or opt to just take it all in.
The best sex parties in Las Vegas aren’t just orgies, but also regular nice nights out. To make sure that these events don’t face undue scrutiny from Clark County, hosts are careful about who gets to come and enjoy them and how they operate, since the county is strict about what is and isn’t allowed. Parties screen their guests beforehand, take place outside of traditional nightclubs, and attract people who come from across the world to get a piece of the action.
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Although Las Vegas parties are often welcoming as long as you play by their rules, these kinds of social clubs usually maintain airtight policies around privacy and discretion. With permission from their guests, two of the best parties, Whispers and Eden After Dark, graciously allowed photographer Jamie Lee Taete and me into their respective pleasure domes to get the lay of the land.
Although you might have a baseline familiarity with sex party etiquette in general, this is Las Vegas—you need site-specific intel! So I’m going to prime you to run with the experts, the virtuosos, the let’s-say-experienced party producers who plan the best swingers nights in, arguably, the most debauched city in the world. Here’s what the locals explained about how to open yourself up to a night of sheer fucking Vegas multiplicity. Let’s ride.
Some names have been changed or shortened for privacy reasons. Special thanks to Whispers Las Vegas, Eden After Dark, and the Artisan Hotel.
How to Find Sex Parties in Las Vegas
Las Vegas has a few famous megaclubs that are hookup-focused, like The Green Door and other tourist-bait fuck palaces around the Strip. I initially thought they sounded fun in a cheesecake-y way, but locals were adamant that the atmosphere is both wink-wink kitschy and aggressive—a dismal combination. Part of the issue is that The Green Door admits single straight cis men, which can make for a lopsided crowd. To avoid people who come on too strong or just don’t know how to act, your best bet is sticking to parties that operate as social clubs and stay off the Strip.
This is particularly true if you’re on the younger, queerer, or just… non-wacker sides of wanting to get railed or enjoy the getting-railed-centric atmospheres Vegas has to offer, you’ll want to visit a spot that lives and breathes respectful freakitude. Two I liked:
Whispers Las Vegas is located in a sprawling private home about an eight-minute cab ride from the Strip. The parties, which are entirely volunteer-run and donation-based, take place across the property. It includes a variety of intriguing zones: pools both indoor (buckwild, lewd, nude, and humid) and outdoor (tamer… except for that one person getting head on the deck), a Prince-themed room that only plays his music (heaven?), and a BDSM-focused converted garden shed called “the princess room.”
Whispers boasts a lavish, literal buffet of which the volunteers are extremely proud. Tom, one of the masterminds behind Whispers, offered me an elegant little brie finger sandwich on a paper plate soon after I arrived, and people in varying states of undress picked at fruit salad and baked goods throughout the night. Even more unusual and charming was a steadfast midnight ritual where everyone line-dances to the Wobble by the stripper pole in the nude karaoke room. Mystifying. Incredible. Tradition!
Out of about 200 guests on the night I went, I didn’t meet many people under 35 at Whispers, though I heard that when festivals like Electric Daisy Carnival are in town, the demographic skews younger. The crowd is well-established and welcoming; many people know and love one another—I hung out with two scantily clad old-friend couples in a cabana as they joshed around about pretending to be vanilla at their day jobs—or, if you’re new, they want to bring you into the good time they’ve put cum, sweat, and other kinds of care into cultivating.
Eden After Dark is an LGBTQ members-only social club that’s “off-premise,” meaning it doesn’t have a fixed location. Its events often take place in hotel penthouses (think the Bellagio). When I visited, the party was a preview of a new Eden After Dark event series at the Artisan, a boutique hotel off the Strip.
The people I met from 11 a.m. to about 3 p.m. were less aligned in terms of overall mood and familiarity than at Whispers. But this made for an interesting, disparate group: Guests of all genders and sexualities were likelier to come alone, to quickly get topless with another hot girl, or to not be cis. Lots of rhinestone thongs across lots of sorts of bodies, and one woman’s pair of black feather wings arched over her shoulders and dusted the floor. Something to note: Christian, the organizer, told me that Eden after Dark has a special interest in welcoming bi people like him.
To get into Eden After Dark, people apply to be “keyholders”—a slicker way of saying “members”—on its website. The donations people make to individual events, typically between $40–$80, are arranged online ahead of parties—there are no transactions at the door.
No matter where you choose to go, here are some overall considerations as you decide what kind of event suits you best:
Use listings boards to check what parties line up with your trip and tastes. Kasidie, a Las Vegas–based swinging website that lists lifestyle parties, is a reliable and up-to-date directory. As in other cities in the U.S., FetLife is a solid place to poke around, especially if you’re extra-particular about what you want to get off to. (Big note: “Adult parties” in Vegas are largely straight-oriented unless they go out of their way to tell you otherwise.)
Determine if you’re going solo or with a partner or friend. Some parties, like Whispers, don’t allow cis men to come without a partner unless, in special cases, they’re “sponsored” by another couple or a woman. Some places are couples only, period. Eden After Dark will host you solo, regardless of your gender, as long as you pass screening muster—more on that in a second.
Consider rolling with a partner or a friend. JT and Gorgeous, two friends I met at Eden, told me they go to parties together to a) get in on each other’s orgies and b) keep each other safe. “I’m gonna make sure that she’s not with no one who I don’t feel is good for her. We’re big on energy,” said Gorgeous.
Look for day parties if you want a more casual or sober atmosphere. Francis, whom I met at Whispers, said, “I usually go to pool parties during the day. People are a little more aggressive at night. They’ve been drinking longer. They’ve been on whatever they’re on longer. They’re not coming in with a brunch mindset.” If you want raunch-lite—or at least more clear-eyed raunch—you can find it during afternoon pool parties, which take place in Vegas on most weekends all summer.
Do any pre-screening that hosts might require people to complete before they show up, which can involve sending organizers photos of your ID, photos of your face and clothed body to be judged by (this is an Eden requirement, and although I don’t endorse it, I want to be upfront that that’s what some places ask for), signing NDAs, doing consent training, reviewing and agreeing to other safety policies, and otherwise verifying upfront that you’re not a narc, a creep, or a liability. Do this a few days in advance of when you plan to venture out, as it can take time for what are often small groups of people to review and approve interested parties.
In your research, get a feel for whether an event is inclusive and chill, or whether it falls prey to what an unfortunate amount of sex parties (as part of the wider world) suffer from in terms of discriminatory and insulting attitudes about race, size, disability, gender, etc. There’s a broad range of people who are drawn to swinging and exhibitionism, and that means you’ll come across some chumps. Some white people in the lifestyle will raise racist tropes and fetishizations as idiotic approaches to flirting; some straight people are homophobic and sexist to LGBTQ people.
You’ll likely be able to spot many bigoted environments by simply Googling them, since hardcore swingers can be quite open with their opinions of other people’s bodies. We thank the worst of them for being so loudly wrong, so we can stay the hell away from them. Luckily, good hosts are also loud about what they like and often broadcast their policies and preferences on their websites and in other listings. Any organization should and will correspond with you via email about what their scene is like, if you still have questions.
What to Wear to a Sex Party
Dress up. As in any other circumstance, a strong outfit tacitly demonstrates a show of respect for the party and will vastly increase your chances of getting action. You don’t have to incorporate overt sex or kink gear into your outfit. If you’re not interested in committing to a full-on sex shop look (although that’s also a fine choice), just think “first date with someone rich.” Don’t wear shorts, and definitely do not wear flip-flops, come on!!
As one woman I spoke to at Whispers shortly before she got flogged in the princess room told me, the best way to figure out what to wear to the house is to think about clothes as a form of communication. “You can dress super sexy, you can dress in costumes—you can dress all sorts of ways that you couldn’t anywhere else,” she said. “That changes your perspective, because the clothes can help you express yourself in ways that sometimes words can’t.” For her, this looked like bondage-ish accessories and details, like corset lacing on her skirt and no shirt.
Anticipate and account for themes in your planning, both in terms of what you wear and what you’re into. Whispers issues prompts like “lingerie pajama party” and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” but dressing on-theme isn’t a mandate in the way it can be at other parties. I visited Whispers on a students-and-teachers night, where one woman told me, “I’m wearing a pink tutu over a white denim skirt that I cut the bottom off so I’m showing just enough cheek, a striped shirt, and hot pink suspenders for the full effect of that schoolgirl vibe. We’re going for it tonight.”
Dress codes at Eden After Dark are stricter and sleeker. Lots of all black and spike heels. The looks here, like the people wearing them, are also demonstrably gayer: more silk banana hammocks, leather collars, bare chests, muscles, and drag.
Regardless of your gender: When in doubt, wear a suit.
How to Be a Good Guest at Vegas Sex Parties
A crucial thing to understand about “Las Vegas sex parties” is never to call them that when you’re actually there. Instead, you quickly learn that, when you’re venturing out for a night of fucking strangers, you’re enjoying “the lifestyle.” This is a catchall euphemism, often uttered with seedy portent and sustained eye contact, for partner-swapping, orgies, and other semi-public displays of filthy affection.
Swingers of course invoke “the lifestyle” nomenclature in very many other parts of the world, but in Vegas, the term is emphasized for a few reasons.
Practically speaking, adult venues and organizers are very careful about how they and others conduct themselves and even talk about what they’re doing, because Clark County can threaten to shut down any community it deems is a sex club, rather than just a group of like-minded people hanging out in private.
To many of the people I met in Las Vegas, “the lifestyle” more spiritually connotes much more than just hooking up. It’s a freaky, freewheeling, and convivial mode of being. As Jerry*, a Whispers volunteer working the door, put it, “People think there’s a pile of people orgy-ing as soon as you walk in, and a glass disco ball above their head. But it’s a social environment. The other reason people come here is to be around their own people.”
Know your boundaries ahead of time, and communicate about them throughout the night. Dani, a Whispers volunteer, said, “As a newbie, you need to make sure you know that boundary before you start.” Are you not into getting licked on the neck? Say that. Are you hoping to candidly talk about your extra-sensitive gag reflex before going down on a stranger? Good news: Vegas people are conversational. Even and especially in this pro-everything atmosphere, setting parameters is welcome and expected. Dani said this particularly applies to how couples should think through a party together—work out your game plan way ahead of your first party and stick to it.
Know the etiquette around coming on time. Christian told me that he upholds a start time of 8 p.m. at Eden with a cutoff at 9 p.m. “If you’re there at 9:01,” he said, “You’re not getting in, period. Why do we do that? Well, if person XYZ shows up and nobody else is there yet because they’re late, they leave. Getting everybody at the same time? Instant party. And when the doors seal, that’s also for everybody’s safety.” Once you’re there, you know who you’re hanging out with, and the doors aren’t opening and closing all night.
At night parties at Whispers, timing considerations depend more on what’s likely to be happening at a given hour. People chitchat and hang out in the milder areas throughout the parties, but if it’s midnight or later, a significant portion of the guests will be fucking in the more private rooms. It’s better to go earlier in order to get to know people before the underwear starts flying.
What to Bring to Sex Parties in Las Vegas
If you’re into any special equipment, like sex toys, kink gear, or fetish-related props, bring your own. Some places and guests might have special accoutrement that they’ll share with you, but generally plan to come fully accessorized if that’s your thing. One guy at Whispers brought a homemade flogger made of lamb leather and was happy to show others how to safely smack others around with it, rather than lending it out without guidance.
If you’re into having sex involving a dick: Bring condoms. Any respectable party will have plenty on hand (along with packets of lube), but do you really want to have to pause and check in with the front desk or a volunteer when you’re in a little moment?
Bring ID, and don’t get all flinty or weird about having to present it—everyone does. “A lot of people are very uneasy about showing me who they really are with their IDs,” Michael, the Whispers door guy, said. He does his best to put them at ease if he can tell they’re uncomfortable, though: “[We get] new people who have never been to a club, from out of town or local. When they come here, they see how they’re received. I take pride in that when people come here, they feel welcomed, even though I have to go over some boring stuff with them.”
Find out if a party allows alcohol—the worthwhile events that happen at private homes and hotel rooms will never sell it (or anything else) to you because it could get them shut down. Some places don’t even like having it around in order to help maintain their consent practices. Others are down with BYOB and provide mixers. Weed is legal in Vegas as long as you’re at least 21, but some places might ask that you don’t get high at their parties, or that you relegate smoking to certain areas. Honestly, though, if you’re new to this, you might want to stay sober.
How to Hook Up at a Sex Party
There’s a location-specific element in play when it comes to consent practices in Las Vegas: Some people think, It’s Vegas—no rules! and act like boors accordingly. But many parties have watchful volunteers monitoring for anyone acting like an ignoramus. Wherever you go: Be ready to spell out what you do and don’t want to do, and to ask others to do the same. Tell a host or a volunteer if anything seems off at any point, and don’t ever hesitate to ask for help if you need it.
Get familiar with your surroundings when you first arrive. At on-premise parties especially, you’ll have the option (or may be required) to get a tour from one of the hosts or volunteers when you arrive. Certain rooms may be designated as full-throttle bone zones, and some may be the opposite. Look for dedicated rooms or special equipment that you’re particularly interested in, even if you’re not seeking out anything related to an individual kink. “I have had sex in every room, so I can tell you which is my favorite,” said Dani, the Whispers volunteer who helped get me acquainted with the property. (Obviously, it’s the Prince room, which almost everyone else I met there told me, too.)
OK, now that you know where you are and how to feel safe and oriented, it’s time to actually approach people—which you already know how to do. How do you usually get laid? By being thoughtful, flirtatious, and respectful. The same is true here: Hit on people the same way you would in a venue without a designated BDSM shed. Nick: “I approach people the same way I do at a bar—I just walk up to them and tell them my name. I’ll tell them I like their earrings. And we go from there.”
Some oversimplified but still relevant pointers on approaching others to partner-swap or when you’re otherwise attending as part of a couple: In cis heterosexual couples, the woman should make introductions and guide the interaction. If you’re not in a cis and/or heterosexual couple: If one of you is newer to the scene than the other, they should lead, or the younger person should lead.
Don’t go into things expecting to only have sex with one member of a couple if you’re approaching someone who came with someone else, unless you’ve specifically talked about that with that couple.
If you and your partner(s) like for people to watch you, you can signal that with an open door—and, if you’re not a cis guy on his own, feel free to go into rooms where people are having sex with the door open. “Some people in the lifestyle will leave the door open, like, a crack,” said Robin, a Whispers volunteer. “Those are people that just want to be heard. That crack does not mean, Come on, bust on in. That means we want you to hear us moaning and groaning—it doesn’t mean open the door.” Noted!
Don’t approach anyone who’s actively fucking/making contact with someone else, unless you’ve talked in advance about it or get swept into a full-blown orgy, and then still ask if you can tag in. Remember, you don’t have to get in the mix just because other people are.
If you’re with a partner, be crystal clear about what each of you want out of your visit—what’s OK, what’s not—and stick to it like scripture once you’re actually the party. Leave jealousy behind—and if you do find yourself getting jealous, check in with your partner about whether you want to change course, or leave.
Don’t feel hurt or rejected if someone says no or doesn’t want to go further with an encounter—when you put yourself out there, that’s very likely going to happen! And it should, in part to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves and safe. As Robin said, “A lot of new people are afraid, like, ‘I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings,’ and we don’t want people doing things that they don’t want to.” She and others at Whispers talk about this expressly with newcomers. “The number-one rule of the lifestyle is ‘no drama,’” she said. “We help people navigate that—there are plenty of ways to disengage with people without hurting feelings.”
Be cool about cleanliness and hygiene. At Whispers, this looks like changing the linens once you’re done on a bed or other surface and availing yourself of the laundry baskets they provide throughout the most active rooms. At Eden After Dark, a keyholder will be on top of changing linens.
Finally, be confident. JT and Gorgeous, the friends I met at Eden After Dark, were walking advertisements for what sex-as-exploration can give you if you choose to try it. “Remember, you’re the prize. Sex is magical, and sex is what you make it. It could be healing, or it could destroy you. Be careful who you allow to enter, and who you enter,” said Gorgeous. “Could you imagine if I wasn’t as confident as I am, and I’m trying to tell you about this lifestyle? Would you believe me?” I wouldn’t, but I did in reality. Gorgeous knew herself, what she was after, and how to feel sure of herself both as she met and hooked up with people. Like so many other people I met, she demonstrated to me what the actual best part of Las Vegas sex parties can be: You may go in looking for a fuckfest—and, you may find one! Ideally, though, you’ll also come out having discovered something new about how you responded to this particular whirlwind of sensory experiences. (Maybe next time, you’ll be the one who shows up in a rhinestone thong?)
Amy Rose Spiegel is the editorial director of VICE and the author of Action: A Book About Sex. Follow her on Twitter.
This story is part of The VICE Guide to Las Vegas, a no-holds-barred journey through the skanky desert jewel of the U.S.A.
