With Leicester having pulled off the most unlikely title win of the Premier League era, it’s hardly a surprise that people have set about ruthlessly monetising their success. As with all things that are fanciful, beautiful and romantic in this world, the unrelenting forces of capitalism are now trying to wring every last ounce of material gain from the Foxes’ magnificent season. Sponsorship deals are being struck, corporate interests are being established, marketing executives are probably beating each other to death for the chance to secure exclusive rights to the phrase: “Dilly ding, dilly dong!”
Meanwhile, some people have taken a more subtle approach to capitalising on Leicester’s dream campaign. While business bigwigs spend hours thrashing out the details of the Jamie Vardy film, the Jamie Vardy reality TV show, Wes Morgan’s autobiography and a range of novelty Robert Huth body scrubs, several Leicester fans have gone straight to source for their merchandising. These fans are now offering a unique investment opportunity – the opportunity to invest in some winning Leicestershire air.
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Can air be victorious? Can victory seep into the very oxygen we breathe? Apparently so, if these eBay listings are to be believed. The first jar of air is described as “fresh air from the county of Leicester City heroes” which, in fairness, sounds like some truly excellent air. The second jar of air comes with an even more inventive listing. It reads: “Celebrate with the team by purchasing this pure, fresh air, taken from the heart of Leicester on our most proud of days: the day we won the Premier League. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to purchase a one-litre clip jar full of fresh, winning air. The jar is typical of local, traditional English sweet shops – a rare treat!”
This isn’t just any air, guys. This is fresh, winning air. Flick out your tongues, taste the winning. Fill your lungs with the ability to win. Open the clip jar of victory and huff down a litre of pure winning, all for the reasonable price of £30. Take the winning spirit of Jamie Vardy, and inhale it deep into your very soul.
It’s unclear why one jar of Leicestershire air would be more expensive than another. Perhaps the £30 jar was collected from the rarified stratosphere just above the grass of the pitch, while the the £5 jar was scooped up from the King Power’s dirty bogs. Then again, Leicester mania is so intense at the moment that most people would probably queue up to buy Danny Drinkwater’s bottled farts. A shrewd salesman would go straight for the air from the West Stand toilets, and pass it off as just that.
While some would be disgusted at this sort of profiteering – and the sale of air on eBay has previously been prohibited – we wholeheartedly encourage it. This is entrepreneurial Britain, this is what it means to be aspirational. Go forth and bottle the air of Leicester, football fans. Go forth and breathe the sweet, sweet oxygen of success, before capturing some in a clip jar and using it to extort people on the internet.
