Wow, lucky us. Just when our springtime twitterpation horniness is finally returning like blossoms upon a cherry tree, all of the sex toy stores read our minds and decided to have blowout sales at once. Earlier this week, we got an exclusive discount code for stocking up on our favorite vibes, sleeves, and everything in between at Ella Paradis; today, we’re clued in to the fact that everything from bedroom basics (like baby vibes that you can take on a Tinder date) to kinky stuff (are handcuffs even considered that kinky anymore, really?) is up to 60% off over at Lovehoney.
We picked a few of our faves below, whether you’re trying to spice up your sexy selfies or finally, actually, give a ball gag a try. Best of all, they’ll show up right at your door in a boring-ass-looking cardboard box, so your roommates and neighbors will be none the wiser.
Videos by VICE
Lovehoney Dream Bullet 10 Function Bullet Vibrator
Bullets don’t always get as much attention as rabbit vibrators, but they’re some of the most mighty in motor power on the market, hands down. This wee rocket has a bunch of speeds and pulses, and can also go in the bath.
$14.99 $7.49 (50% off) at Lovehoney
Tracey Cox Supersex Rabbit Ears Clitoral Vibrator
If bullet vibes just aren’t your thing, and you need the extra tickle of rabbit ears, buuuuut you don’t wanna drop 70+ bucks on a fancy Sex & the City-level rabbit toy, this little dude is your guy—designed and vetted by international sexpert Tracey Cox.
$39.99 $27.99 (30% off) at Lovehoney
Lovehoney Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug 3.5 Inch
OK, so you’ve noticed that it feels kinda good when someone touches your b-hole, but you’ve been terrified to verbalize that you really wanna stick something in there, let alone PURCHASE a BUTT PLUG my heavens!!! Guys and gals and non-binary friends, it ain’t that deep. We all like it. This one is on big-time sale and is “great for anal newbies looking to take the next step”—although of course, anal veterans are welcome, too.
$24.99 $9.99 (60% off) at Lovehoney
Lovehoney Bionic Bullet 5 Function Vibrating Rabbit Cock Ring
Don’t be intimidated by the fact that this looks like that mythical three-headed dog. This penis ring is simply a multi-faceted, Renaissance bro of pleasure; it has a stretchy double ring feature and rabbit ears to keep clits entertained.
$24.99 $9.99 (60% off) at Lovehoney
Lovehoney Fierce Leather-Look Lace-Up Bustier Set
Reminds us of the cute dommy shit that Kat wears post-sexual-liberation on Euphoria. Is it kinkwear? Is it streetwear? Is it acceptable to wear to work over a button-up? We say: all of the above! It’s the 90s!
$44.99 $26.99 (40% off) at Lovehoney
Lovehoney Starry Night Bondage Bundle (3 Piece)
If your niece is over and happens to be rooting around your bed, they’ll just think these are (SFW) toys, or gifts from TJ Maxx. Yep, this kit includes a paddle, blindfold, and nipple clamps, but they all murmur “yeah, I like star-print stuff!” instead of scream “YES I WANT TO BE TAKEN!”—and for some of us, that’s the discretion we need.
$37.97 $15.18 (60% off) at Lovehoney
Purple Reins Beginners Bondage Kit (4 Piece)
Folks, it’s been a long year, and maybe some of us need to get tied up (gently!) and gagged (so that we can cum really hard!) and there is nothing wrong with that. This kit includes cuffs with nice spongey padding, straps, a flogger, and a ball gag for, as the site says, “entry level BDSM fun.” And for under 25 bucks!
$36.99 $22.19 (50% off) at Lovehoney
Ouch! Street Art Printed Leather Handcuffs
Because even the classics need a little extra flair, we’ve got leather handcuffs that bring a little bit of Basquiat energy to your bedposts—and as a bonus, you can wear them to a gallery opening when COVID is over.
$16.99 $10.19 (40% off) at Lovehoney
Lovehoney Mega Sex Toy Bundle (6 Piece)
Alrighty, it’s a bundle, so you’re going for quantity over quality a bit with this one. But think of it this way: You’re getting six different sex toys for a little over 60 bucks, and if there’s something you find yourself obsessed with, you can always upgrade. A great start for just figuring out what you like, from a buzzy little vibe to a textured penis sleeve to a butt plug (with a jewel in it, no less).
$124.99 $62.49 (50% off) at Lovehoney
For more deals to help you get off, check out the full sale at Lovehoney through March 29.
Your faithful VICE editors independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. We may receive a small commission if you buy through the links on our site.
More
From VICE
-
Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE
