As if Instagram isn’t already full enough of your goddamn high school friends announcing their engagements with poorly edited photos in a flower garden or whatever, here’s one more: The guy who built a literal trash boyfriend out of empty boxes of wine is also getting hitched, the Oregonian reports.
Back in February, Portland, Oregon, artist Mike Schneider realized that after he “self-medicated through wine” in the wake of a break-up, all the drinking he’d done could actually lead to his next love. So he grabbed the empty boxes of booze he’d been pounding, presumably sobered up enough to do some arts and crafts, and built himself a “box wine boyfriend” named Franz.
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“Franz is great,” Schneider told VICE earlier this year. “He’s better than a regular boyfriend because he’s the strong, silent type, but also sweet and caring at the same time.”
The whole thing quickly went viral, and now, it looks like the guy has decided to keep the joke going by getting engaged to Franz. “I think we were both ready but hadn’t talked about getting married explicitly,” Schneider told the Oregonian about the faux-engagement. “The next step is to meet the in-laws. I know already my mom will love him, I don’t know about my dad.”
Sure, the whole stunt was goofy and dumb, but love is a goofy and dumb thing, and maybe more people than you’d think secretly long to leave the dismal dating world behind and just Weird Science themselves a partner made out of Franzia. Alcohol may be killing us all or whatever that depressing new study says, but at least it helped one lonely soul out there find connection—or at least some small modicum of internet fame.
According to Schneider, he’s already looking for a wedding venue in Portland. “Ideally,” he told the Oregonian, “we’d love to have a local venue donate their space and have the wedding be a fundraiser for the ACLU.”
Prepare yourself for the coming boxed wine wedding photo shoot, followed by the inevitable photos of the boxed wine annulment paper signing and the tearful, protracted legal battle for custody of the juice box baby. Until then, congratulations to the box and groom. Your wedding day will come and go, but may your love of wine forever grow.
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