Last week, author and illustrator Michelle Rial tweeted a chart from her recently released book, one that had the heading “Is It Too Late to Start?” With two simple line drawings, she bashed the idea that you’re ever “too old” to do anything, and her @-replies were stacked with people sharing their own later-in-life successes, like becoming a first-time pilot at 54 or starting a new career in archaeology at 47.
So yeah, despite convincing yourself that you’ve aged out of doing whatever you’d like—flying a plane, brushing dirt from pieces of pre-Columbian pottery, shopping at Forever 21—it’s always nice to have a well-designed reminder that we can all change at any point in life. But there’s a difference between being too old to make lifestyle or career changes, and being too old to act a fool.
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A 31-year-old Oklahoma man is likely reflecting on all of this right now, as he’s facing a misdemeanor assault charge for allegedly throwing a cupcake out of a moving car and hitting another driver with it.
The Pauls Valley Democrat reports that Trevor Pearson was riding shotgun on Interstate 35 in Garvin County when traffic slowed because of a bridge construction project. The as-yet-unidentified driver of the car Pearson was in told authorities that as she merged into the single open lane, another car passed them on the shoulder of the road, and a passenger stuck up his or her middle fingers as they rumbled by.
Pearson responded by allegedly rolling his window down and winging a cupcake toward that car, which smacked the other driver right in the face. That person wasn’t at all impressed with Pearson’s aim, and he or she decided to take formal action against him. Although the incident occurred on May 19, the charges weren’t filed in Garvin County District Court until last week.
According to court records for the State of Oklahoma vs. Pearson, Trevor, a warrant was issued for his arrest on August 29, and as of this writing, he already owes $314 in court-related fees. (It’s so much cheaper to just scream a lengthy string of obscenities into your own balled fists.)
In June 2017, an 18-year-old Canadian launched a perfectly good slice of pizza from a car, aiming it at a man who was standing on his own property in St. John’s, Newfoundland. The pizza missed him, but he still called the cops about the attempted drive-by and showed them surveillance footage of the whole incident. The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary was able to identify the teenager, and charged him with simple assault.
And earlier this year, a 23-year-old Scot was driving back from a birthday night out in Edinburgh when someone in a Ford Galaxy threw a small tub of garlic sauce all over his windshield. Not content to wait it out or ask the authorities to review the CCTV video, Cameron Paton got his own container of garlic sauce—”the ones you get with pizza, just the wee ones”—and kept it in his car, just in case.
A few days later, he saw that same Ford Galaxy at a supermarket and he did exactly what you’re imagining right now, filming himself as he side-armed the sauce container into the side door of the minivan. “Today I bumped into the lovely couple in north Berwick and gave them their sauce back,” he tweeted.
So no, it’s never too late to start, even if you’re just ready to keep all of your baked goods, pizza slices, and dipping sauces safely inside your car.
