Married Millennials Are Getting ‘Sleep Divorces’

Married millennials who are otherwise happy in their relationships are getting “sleep divorces,” a phenomenon in which mismatched sleeping habits make it impossible for the couple to continue sleeping in the same bed, or even in the same bedroom.

Watch an old episode of I Love Lucy and you’ll probably cock your head to the side like a confused dog when you see Lucy and Ricky’s sleeping arrangement: a married couple sleeping in the same bedroom but in two different beds, separated by a bedside table. That’s the way some couples used to sleep, and it’s the only way the FCC allowed TV shows to depict couples in their bedrooms back in the day.

Today’s 30-something married couples are living life like Lucy and Ricky. Whether it’s snoring, restless movements, or one or both having to get up to pee, there are simply too many issues to deal with that can disturb a partner’s sleep.

According to sleep scientist and psychologist Wendy Troxel, up to 30 percent of a person’s sleep quality is influenced by their partner’s sleepytime behavior. Sure, your own thoughts and anxieties make falling and staying asleep a nightmare, but add your partner’s sleep idiosyncrasies into the mix and you have a recipe for insomnia.

A study from Ohio State University found that couples who are not getting adequate sleep are more likely to exhibit negative behaviors when discussing their marital issues. A study of 48 British couples showed that men move around in their sleep a lot more than women, with women reporting being disturbed by their male partner’s movements.

Interestingly, the same study showed that most couples prefer to sleep together rather than apart despite the downsides.

While there’s some evidence to suggest that young couples sleeping in the same bed benefit from more REM sleep and more sleep time, 43 percent of married millennials sleep separately, at least on occasion. That’s up quite a bit from a 2005 study that showed 35 percent of married couples aged 25 to 44 preferred sleeping in separate bedrooms.

It may sound old-fashioned and disturbingly conservative, but it’s actually a rather practical solution to a very common problem. If you need a good night’s sleep to function in your day-to-day life and sleep in the same room as someone else with all of their bizarre sleep issues on top of your own, it’s probably best to get a sleep divorce to ensure you don’t end up getting an actual one.