It’s Christmas Eve. While parts of the world slumber, a fat man gets busy for the only night in the year he seems to have any work. Kids fed on the capitalistic promise of the holiday fitfully sleep in their beds while Christmas lights twinkle in rich people’s living rooms. There is a bolt of excitement cutting through the stillness of the night.
But back at Santa’s home, a bored/frustrated/sad/sulky Mrs. Claus takes centrestage in our story. She’s not happy about the fact that her husband is away sliding down other people’s chimneys, making a naughty list on which she doesn’t figure, inviting other humans to sit on his lap, and calling out to Hos all through XXXMas.
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So, she takes matters into her own hands. Literally. Sometimes elves pop in to help out too, carrying a toy Santa forgot to pack, but not the sort kids should wake up and find under the tree.
A horny Mrs. Claus has emerged as a fairly popular character in porn over the past few years, though no one really knows how and when she found her calling in the adult industry. Though her husband, Santa, remains a far more popular figure people want to fuck around this time of the year, the matronly woman has become a sex symbol in her own right. For a woman with no definitive first name and whose identity is inextricably linked with her husband’s, the only place she is able to retain her independence and have a life of her own seems to be when sex is involved.
“I’m not sure who created the idea of a sexy Mrs. Claus,” Lee Roy Myers, cofounder of the porn production studio WoodRocket, told VICE. “But it makes sense to me that porn helped push the Mrs. Claus Loves the White & Jizzy Stuff narrative the same way that Coca-Cola pushed the Santa Loves the Brown & Fizzy Stuff narrative. Horny Mrs. Claus sells stuff.”
And so, dozens if not hundreds of porn plots take advantage of Mrs. Claus situations. Myers detailed the most popular tropes her story is built around: Husband is mostly at work leaving her at home all alone, except for their employees; it is cold and she needs warmth; there is always a toy or candy cane just laying around.
According to Pornhub stats shared with VICE, on Christmas Day, searches for “Mrs. Claus” grow up to 401 percent higher than their December average, while “Santa Claus” could go up 374 percent, and “Elf” is up 90 percent.
Searches for “Mrs. Claus” reached the peak of their popularity in 2018. We don’t know exactly why, but that same year Mrs. Claus popped up in the popular consciousness in other alternative avatars – through musicals and movies portraying her as anything but a kind, grey-haired woman overshadowed by her popular husband.
However, the motherly spirit of the character does travel through in some way.
“Mrs. Claus is a MILF icon,” said Misha Mayfair, a sex worker and artist. “Her image evokes the motherly love and safety we associate with Christmas in childhood. Her position is always that of caregiver. She’s the woman one hopes to be found by in a blizzard in the Arctic. She is nurturing. She is safety. Rarely is Mrs. Claus outside of this dynamic and, in my experience, this is also true to men’s sexual fantasies. As a sex worker, I receive Christmas-themed requests and Mrs. Claus is a mainstay in these.”
Mayfair said that even when she was requested to wear a sexy red-and-white costume in her early 20s, the situation was that of being dominant, motherly and rewarding. “One client had me dress as Mrs. Claus so I could spank him on my knee for being ‘naughty.’ He gave me a list of things he’d recently fucked up and I read them one at a time alongside the spanking. After I fed him a candy cane as a reward, it felt very motherly. The whole thing took on such a childish and innocent glee. I really enjoyed it. It appealed to something wholesome and reassuring in us both.”
Mrs. Claus has no definitive look, unlike Santa, who is just not Santa without a big belly, a white beard, and a red-and-white suit, at the very least. Her image is way more inclusive too.
“Mrs. Claus is one of the few representations of fat women in fictional media that is positive. That’s what drew me to her initially,” said Gwen Adora, a Toronto-based adult content creator who has been cosplaying as Mrs. Claus on camera for several winters. “Regardless of what version you’re looking at, Mrs. Claus is a thick MILF. My audience loves my maternal essence and curvy body, so portraying Mrs. Claus is a win across the board.”
This ties in well with the portrayal of Mrs. Claus as a feminist figure who is done waiting around for her husband to give her attention, and reclaims her sense of self-worth that the world of fairy tales or fantasy won’t give her.
While there have been a few 19th century poems where Mrs. Claus has been spoken of as “indispensable” and “an equal partner in the ‘joint work’ of preparing for holiday festivities,” in most cases, literature has always highlighted her domesticity and that alone. She also unwittingly became the mascot for anti-suffrage propaganda, starring in stories where her independent decision-making led to problems. Not anymore, though.
“Mrs. Claus’ media transformation in and of itself makes her lore drip feminine power,” said Adora. “Going from a simple matronly lady to a hot and horned up MILF figure has really given her confidence and self-ownership. Personally, I love the idea that she’s cucking Santa when he’s out enjoying other people’s milk.”
Of course, in the adult industry, almost nothing is safe from parody, certainly not an annual holiday cherished by millions of people around the globe. “Porn has a history of creating parodies and offering a lighter take on things, even of picturing identities and sexualities that are otherwise invisible or ostracised in mainstream culture,” feminist porn director and producer Paulita Pappel told VICE.
Pappel is the founder of Lustery, a platform with real-life couples, who are also exhibitionists who film themselves having sex. They also carry insightful stories on relationships and sexuality. Their most recent post uses the Mrs. Claus trope to serve some sex education. In it, Mrs. Claus gives Santa his present – “a big ol’ sloppy blowjob,” and also makes Santa realise that there’s nothing called a “bad” BJ since the very act of giving one is a gift in itself.
An in-control Mrs. Claus makes it to erotica too – having the hots for a shapeshifting reindeer or a naughty elf through short stories. Basically, same tropes, different medium.
“In a way, a sexy Mrs. Claus is a subversion of the usual domestic image of Santa’s wife,” said Ms Naughty, an award-winning feminist porn filmmaker who runs BrightDesire.com, a website founded with the aim of creating erotic content that showcases intimacy and joy. “Instead of waiting diligently at the North Pole for Santa to get back, she’s taking charge and getting it on with the elves. Mrs. Claus can have a power in porn that she normally doesn’t have in everyday society. That’s kind of fun.”
For life beyond the screen, it’s fairly easy to roleplay as a sexy Mrs. Claus who, again, doesn’t seem to have any set aesthetic or outfit. Anything red and white, even just a cap and stockings, could work. Maybe that’s why Ms Naughty has seen a lot of amateur couples filming themselves as Santa and Mrs. Claus. “While Santa is a fantasy primarily aimed at children, it works its own magic on the adults who take part in creating it,” said Ms Naughty, who preferred we use her screen name. “Playing Santa on Christmas Eve is a source of parental joy and it’s a secret, special moment that couples share together. It follows that Santa-themed sex later on that night might be another part of that experience.”
But at the end of the day, it could all just boil down to Rule 34: If you can imagine it, it exists as internet porn.
“The Mrs. Claus character is the gift that Christmas gives to porn,” said Myers. “And Mrs. Claus fucking is the Christmas Gift that porn gives to the world.”
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