Erect your flag, because it’s almost National Sex Toy Day (which is a real thing!). The celebration cums but once a year on November 4, in honor of the day some Greek god shot their largest load to the tallest mountain (not a real thing), and while it may not be a bank holiday (yet) it is a spank holiday for which we shall assemble the finest dildos, paddles, and prostate orgasm toys on our horny altar to give thanks. After all, the Lube Lords have been most benevolent this harvest season. Have you seen that hand-blown pumpkin anal plug? Swoon.
In honor of this upcoming Lord’s Day of Climactic Ambrosia, Lovehoney has decided to celebrate with a sitewide 20% sale from now until November 7 with the code SEXTOYDAY at check-out. Meaning that all those vibrators, bondage toys, penis masturbators, and everything else you’ve been wanting to add to your sex toy pantry is on-sale, including big ticket luxury vibes by brands like LELO, cult-favorite clitoral toys by Satisfyer, and more.
Videos by VICE
Here are our strategic sex toy picks for the checkout line, from cult favorites to vibes that always sell out fast. In the words of that one meme, “Oh fuck, you’re gunna make me [save so much money on quality sex toys]…”
The best long-distance sex toy
Cammers love this sex toy for work because of its quality engineering and easy-to-use remote functions (which operate through a smartphone app), but it’s also just a rad sex toy for couples who are far apart and looking to add a little spice. Also, it looks like an anglerfish.
A remote-controlled panty vibrator
Get off while doing the dishes, watering your plants, or explaining why the second law of thermodynamics is probably why time only flows in one direction. Thy sky is the limit with this remote-controlled panty liner vibrator, which is on double reduction [cue douchey DJ airhorn] with the promo code. “It definitely made us laugh a lot, and the setting up of the app was surprisingly easy,” writes one reviewer, “The shape of the knicker vibe is also very comfortable, and the soft silicone covering is a bit of luxury.” Throw some Wicked lube (again, apply that discount code) in your cart, and bring it to a kitsch couple’s love resort.
A literal blowjob machine
The Blowmotion, besides having the most incredible name, is one of the best male masturbators on the market right now. It features a six-inch silicone canal which “treats your peen to eight vibe functions with 12 intensity levels,” according to Lovehoney’s website. I mean, can you think of a better early-holiday gift than a blowjob? Mhm.
Carmelita, hold me tighter, I think I’m sinking down… to Pound Town.
The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.
More
From VICE
-
Tracy's Dog/Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE -
Collage by VICE
