How I Lost My Camgirl Virginity

I started just over six years ago. It was the October after I had turned 18. I did a lot of artistic modeling and stuff like that from the time I was 15. It was kind of a natural progression for me; being in front of the camera was something I always loved.

When I turned 18, I did some nude photoshoots. I found a couple of sites I could sell the photos on online. On one of the sites I was selling them on, they offered video chat as well as the ability to sell videos. So it went from selling my nudes on the internet, to doing live shows and making videos. It kind of snowballed from there to taking me where I am now.

Doing photos and stuff like that, you can delete the ones you don’t like or edit it. When I first starting camming, I had no idea what angles looked good on cam or what to expect. There’s always that worry: What if they don’t like me? What if I do something wrong? The apprehensions are there when it comes to self-esteem.

The biggest thing I always tell girls who are interested in doing this: First off, never ever get into this industry if you have any qualms about people finding you. They will find you, you will be outed. There’s no hiding it. You can put a fake name, you can wear a mask—it doesn’t matter what you do, someone will find you. If you’re not comfortable with everyone in your life seeing you naked, don’t do it. Once it’s out on the internet, it’s there forever, and there’s no taking it down.

I tried to keep everything on the down-low when I first started. One of my exes actually took a bunch of screencaps of my cam show within like a week of me starting. I never really had the opportunity to make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to be found out. He sent screenshots to my mom, everyone I went to high school with, my friends.

I did a podcast about being worried about people finding you, and the takeaway was this: If you want to be a successful camgirl and make the kind of money that makes being a camgirl worth it, you have to promote yourself to the point where everyone can see you. If you are afraid of being caught, you will never be successful in this industry, so it’s not even worth it.

Once you’re past that, do a ton of research. There’s a bunch of of camgirl forums out there that are super-welcoming: Amber Cutie’s Forum, StripperWeb.com, WeCamGirls. Once you have a good grasp on how everything works and you’ve decided what site to join, start and put as many hours in as possible. You won’t know how to do it unless you’ve done it.

My first-ever cam show was a one-on-one session. It was so nerve-wracking because I had no idea what he wanted to see, how to position myself properly. I was a mess, and it was so, so awkward, but I powered through it.

It was actually a cam-to-cam show, which totally threw me for a loop. It took me by surprise that I was able to see him. He knew it was my first time, so he got the exclusivity of taking my cam virginity in a way. I had no lighting, I had the shittiest webcam of all time, just like built into my laptop. I was on my kitchen floor just watching this guy jerking off just sitting there with no idea what to do. I just waited for his instructions, did a little teasing—but I didn’t really do anything unless he asked for it. I literally just sat there and was like, “What do you wanna see?”

I remember exactly what I was wearing my first time: It was a red-and-black bra and panty set from La Senza, and I had it forever. I’ve never been one for crazy lingerie. It was the cutest thing I owned, so I put it on—but it came off pretty quickly. The show was about ten to 15 minutes.

He actually became a long-time regular client of mine for a while. He liked me to sit weird places and masturbate for him: “Oh, sit on your stove” or like “Sit on your washing machine.” That was kind of his thing.

My first group chat was much longer. That was a totally different experience. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. I wasn’t prepared to entertain a whole room full of people.

My first night I had a cute bra and panty set on, just sitting in my living room. I was so, so amateur and awkward. What am I doing? This is the worst idea ever. I had 200 to 300 people in my room watching and talking. It was so overwhelming.

That kind of got me hooked. Having all these people in the room admiring you, telling you how attractive you are—it really makes you feel good, and then you want to keep doing it. That was where my addiction to camming came in. I decided I wanted to do this for the rest of my life. I never found another job I enjoyed as much as hanging out with a bunch of people on the internet.

I was online for six hours. I started around 8 or 9 PM and didn’t sign off until early morning. That’s average for a camgirl on sites like that, to stay on for six to nine hours, a typical shift. It takes that long for people to come into the room, start contributing to a goal. My first goal was a basic masturbation show. There’s a bunch of people watching instead of just one, but it really gives you the opportunity to show off and do what you want to do, whereas a one-on-one show, you have to listen to what the other person wants.

We hit goal in those six hours. It was around $200, super low, super easy. I had no idea—back then, $200 to me was like, oh my gosh, I just made so much money. Now, I’ll do a whole bunch of goals: my first will be a topless goal for $50, a bottomless goal for another $50, then there’ll be another goal for, say, a dancing or twerking show ($100), and then another goal for a cum show would be $200. My goal at the end of the night now is to make way more than the $200 I did when I first started.

It’s honestly the best feeling in the world. Clearing goal and having all these people tell you, “OMG, you’re so gorgeous!” really swells your ego. Then knowing you made money on top of that, it’s an addictive feeling. It’s one of the reasons many camgirls end up crashing and hating the industry. You chase that high. You do all these shows, and if you don’t hit that goal and feel that way again after you sign off, it’s disappointing. You keep trying. You’re eternally chasing that feeling. It’s indescribable.

I think every camgirl knows the feeling of just blowing a show out of the water. We can all sort of relate to that. Not everyone’s first show was successful in their eyes, but every girl has had at least one of those shows where they’re like, “I nailed it.”

In my first group cam show, I didn’t have music on at first until someone suggested it. They were like, “Hey, when you’re not talking, it’s awfully quiet in here. You should have some background music.” The members of the site really helped to shape the show because, being in all these rooms, they knew what they were doing. They were offering me constructive criticism, helping me figure out how to work the site, what buttons do. I was really lucky to have a sweet group of people who helped me put on a good show. I probably would have been completely eff’d without them.

There’s definitely a recurring theme in camming, though: You have the trolls who have nothing better to do but sit in their mom’s basement and make fun of girls on the internet. That’s their thing. There are guys who make accounts just to rip girls apart and say mean things or try to scam people. When I started, I was a lot more tolerant. You’re kind of scared about pissing people off, so you put up with a lot more than you should. At this point, the ban button is my best friend. But at first, it’s hard, and you really try to put up with it. That mentality definitely goes away.

I didn’t feel like I knew exactly what I was doing until two years in. I went to a convention in Toronto, the Everything to Do with Sex Show. They had a setup with a bunch of girls, and we were camming from there. At that point, I was like, I got this. I’m super profesh. But up until that point, because you don’t have coworkers to meet in person and bounce ideas off of and see what they’re doing, you don’t really have that feedback. You just feel like you have no clue what you’re doing.

After I had done it for a couple of years, once I built up enough of a fanbase and was making more from camming than my vanilla job, I decided to do it full-time and put all my eggs in one basket. I’ve been doing that for the past four years or so. Realizing I still love it after all this time has made me see that I don’t want to stop doing this. Whether I end up more in a producing, directing, or a mentoring position, I just love this industry. I love everybody in it, and I like everything it stands for. On the sites I cam on, there’s women who are like 80, 90 years old who are camming, so I’m like, I could do this forever. Everyone likes something different, and these women are a niche that guys are into. People are like, “Oh, once you get to a certain age, you won’t be able to do this anymore.” And it’s like, au contraire, yes I could. Now that I know it’s possible, I’m going for it.

Dahlia Dee is giving a presentation on getting into the porn industry on January 23 at 9 PM at Oasis Aqualounge in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter .