These Next-Level Gifts Are for True Food Freaks Only

If you’re a gustatory enthusiast, there’s a decent chance your friends are, too. And while we’re sure that you’re a trailblazer within your community, you probably have at least one friend who’s always been a superior cook to you. She was drinking Fernet and using a microplane since birth, or he doesn’t even flinch when you promise you’ve found the spiciest Thai spot in the Tri-State Area—he already knows of a spicier one that’s a way tinier hole-in-the-wall; duh. Their spice cabinets are fully stocked, their restaurant merch collection is vast, and their kitchen is unquestionably decked out.

For these friends, you need to pull out the big guns and get them a gift so weird, so utterly unique, that only a true freak food connoisseur would appreciate it. Naturally, we’ve got you covered, with the best gifts for your friends who are like, really, really, really enthusiastic about their love of food.

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The best bagel slicer in the world

Those guillotine-style bagel slicers that were popular in the 1990s? Out. This bagel slicer from the year 2090 that’s basically a serrated sword that makes it impossible to accidentally cut yourself (since you know you’re going to be holding the bagel in the stupidest, most precarious way possible)? Extremely in.

The ultimate Drake x vermouth crossover

Despite the fact that Drake’s music output these days is, uh, let’s go with “hit-or-miss,” advice give about storing vermouth in the font of his album covers will always be good.

A burrito thermos (yes, this is real)

Whether you’re a very important on-the-go businessperson, a desk jockey, or simply a marginally mobile food enjoyer, this burrito thermos will ensure that your food is hot and ready, and that the possibility of ingredient spillage is as remote as the napkins the restaurant forgot to give you.

Marvis Toothpaste flavor collection

OK, so toothpaste isn’t exactly a food. But not only is it something you use after meals; it’s also an underutilized opportunity to introduce exciting new flavors into your life. Marvis is this delightfully fanciful Italian toothpaste brand that comes in all sorts of unconventional varieties, including jasmine, cardamom, and ginger. Their “flavour collection” is also the perfect example of a present that would feel silly to buy for yourself, but is awesome to receive. Thirty-six bucks may sound like a lot for toothpaste, but hey, it’s something that you (hopefully) use twice a day.

Tombolo Company’s Vongole cabana shirt

Spaghetti with clams isn’t just a dish; it’s [clap] a [clap] lifestyle!!! [jumps off a cliff into the ocean…] For real though, we’re beyond ready to take an endless vacation where we sit at a seaside cafe in Italy all day in this shirt, eating seafood and noodles and pretending that bills and Excel spreadsheets don’t exist.

A Japanese fake food phone stand

We love omakase, and we’re ready to signal our devotion by displaying this highly realistic replica of salmon and ebi nigiri (and a pile of ginger) on our desk or nightstand, the perfect place to cracle our celly.

A plush anthropomorphized bag of cheese puffs

We don’t care if this is for literal children—although it’s actually an adult collectible, gotta love Kid Robot. Whatever, we need it now and we will cherish it forever. Thanks for understanding.

Barbecue earrings

If your friend or relative is forever to be found at the sizzling grill tabletop of a Korean barbecue spot, stuff their stocking with these realistic barbecue earrings—which, perhaps for the best, won’t smell like smoky meat, but will definitely start conversations.

A ramen pool float

Lay on the crispy noodles all day, then snort the seasoning packet.

Crocs Jibbitz that show your love of onion rings

Like, need we say more? First, you’ll need a pair of classic Crocs—or a cozy pair of faux-fur-lined Realtree Crocs—on which to adorn your Jibbitz. Then, just pop ‘em on and flex your love of those rings.

A VICE editor (and reader) fave cookbook

Two of our most enjoyed cookbooks right now are The Vegan Chinese Kitchen by Hannah Che and The Sioux Chef’s Indigenous Kitchen by Sean Sherman. If your giftee loves cooking but might be tired of recipes by In* Garten (who we stan) and Chrissy Te*gen (love her, too), give ‘em something fresh to learn from and cook out of.

A pizza stud with diamond cheese and ruby pepperoni

A very flossy flex for the slice king or queen.

Monster-size charcuterie

People who say size doesn’t matter obviously have never been gifted two and a half pounds of gabagool, three pounds of garlic, a whopping five and a half pounds of castelvetrano olives, or a year’s supply of Parmigiano Reggiano.

This hyper-realistic Chex mix candle

Smells like vanilla, looks so much like actual Chex mix that you should probably warn guests not to grab a handful.

Lobster slides

Serve with a side of drawn butter.

Beth Koester ‘Help Yourself’ art print

This oddly beautiful watercolor-style print of a lone deviled egg is the perfect kitchen wall art—and you can pick the frame. And if there is ever a relatable concept for living in These Times, it’s wanting to lay down (and possibly die) in an enormous bowl of warm, comforting spaghetti. Collage artist Beth Koester really captures that sentiment. We need this on our wall, now.

A perfect still life of Cheetos

Did you read everything above this and think, ugh, I still don’t know what to get for my wildly obsessive food nut friend who is impossible to shop for? If you’ve got a cool $300 burning a hole in your pocket, you can grab this still life of a cigarette gently resting on a pile of Cheetos.

The best food-themed wrapping paper

Maybe you’re wondering how to wrap up all of these insanely special and unique food gifts, and you don’t wanna go the usual route of digging around the back of your closet for some wrinkled, metallic-foil-emblazoned paper with mistletoe all over it or whatever. It turns out that wrapping paper can actually be very cool and kind of part of the gift in and of itself; if you wrap our Dolly Parton advent calendar in this scented bacon wrapping paper, that’s a gift we’re never gonna forget. You don’t have to live near a Wawa to wrap your gifts in Philly’s ‘“most iconic eats”; this wrapping paper features the Philly pretzel, Philly cheesesteaks, Philly scrapple, Philly water ice and Philly roast pork sandwiches.

Ah… the delicious smell of being a top-tier gift-giver. Take a whiff.

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The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story.