In case it hasn’t become clear yet, every year from here on out is just going to get worse. There’s no reversing it at this point. We’re on the downslide of civilization, friends. And while it’s a lamentable tragedy, there are still occasional, fleeting moments of joy to be found in our deteriorating world. And when you find them, you must grab ahold and never let go. Cherish them. Treasure your, dumb stupid little moments—the ones that make you laugh through the tears. They are all we have left. Here is a list of the things we thought were good this year.
Gritty Hatching
Cardi B Twerking at Coachella While Pregnant
This Guy Feverishly Sucking Toes in Traffic
The Wu-Tang Tiny Desk Concert in Which Young Dirty Bastard Stood on the Desk
Our Exposé on the Tiny Desk Not Actually Being That Tiny
Elon Musk Getting Himself Removed as the CEO of His Company Over a Weed Tweet
Mike Francesa’s Touching Reaction to Stan Lee Dying
Rihanna (and Most Artists) Sending Trump Cease and Desist Letters
Another Year of Danny DeVito Being Alive and Well
A Star Is Born Memes (But Not Necessarily the Movie)
The Expansion of Our Office Hot Sauce Collection
None of Us Winning Ice-T’s Dumbfuck of the Day Award
The Warped Tour Ending
John McCain Getting the Solemn and Dignified Tribute His Death Deserved
Ric Flair Getting Married for the Fifth Time
Young Thug Sending Us a Snake (Even Though the Snake Eventually Died, RIP)
Noisey Editor in Chief Eric Sundermann Getting Yelled at by an Army of Katy Perry Fans for Something Our Staff Wrote Online
Eric Sundermann Getting an Angry Phone Call from Jack White for Something Our Staff Wrote Online
Eric Sundermann Getting Pranked with a Fart Machine That Our Staff Spent Good Money On
Eric Sundermann Quitting Noisey
Luke from the Dirty Nil’s Tone Tips
The “Punch Up the Jam” Episode About “LA Woman” by the Doors
Tha Carter V Finally Getting Released
Jonathan Chait Getting BOFAed
The Patent on Teledildonics Expiring
When Goku RIP’d Aretha Franklin
Bill Cosby Going to Jail
Michael Cohen Going to Jail
Paul Manafort Going to Jail
This Young Baseball Player Who Listed His Favorite Actor as Johnny Sins
Papa John Getting Fired for Racism and Bad Pizza, Probably
This Lemon That Rolled for a Really Long Time
The Yodel Kid Having a Debut Single
The FBI Agent Who Shot Someone While Dancing
Steve Albini Winning a Title on the World Series of Poker
Trey Smoking Out of a Crab
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Cardi B’s Online Friendship
The Kid Who Said “Gucci Gang” a Million Times for Charity
Migos Doing the First Ever Good Episode of “Carpool Karaoke”
Mr. Mime in the Detective Pikachu Trailer
This Vegan Fight
Drake’s Grills in the “In My Feelings” Video
“You Are Hiding a Child”
Polo Bringing Back Their Snow Beach Collection
All the Dumbshits Who Lit Their Nikes on Fire
Smash Mouth Reminding Everyone of the Virtues of Eating Pussy
Celebrating Another Festive Vore Day
Beyoncé’s Coachella Performance
Carly Rae Jepsen Finally Getting Her Sword
When Noisey Editor Colin Joyce Won Two Games of Fortnite in a Row [Citation Missing]
Having No Stake Whatsoever in the Eminem/Machine Gun Kelly Beef
Kendrick Winning a Pulitzer
Idris Elba Winning Sexist Man Alive
When Tierra Whack Took Over Our Instagram and the First Thing She Did Was Post a Photo of Her Turds
Nick Cave Getting a Very Odd Statue of Himself in a Small Australian Town
Our Office Receptionist Sally Earning a Spot on Our Songs of the Year List with Her Hit Song “I Have Had Sex with All My Dolls”
Liam Gallagher Talking to Kids
The Guy Who Got Mauled by a Bear, Bitten by a Rattlesnake and Then Attacked by a Shark
Donald Trump Jr.’s Wife Leaving Him Because He Tweets Too Much
The Very Nice Realization That Next Year Will Bring Us the 69th Edition of Now That’s What I Call Music
Weezer Meeting the Demands of the Internet and Covering “Africa”
Will Smith’s “In My Feelings” Challenge
Cat Power’s Cover of Rihanna’s “Stay”
SonicFox at the Game Awards Saying, “I’m a Gay, Black, Furry and I’m the Best E-sports Player in the World.”
Sleep. Sweet, Sweet Sleep
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From VICE
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