Send help. Oregon Trail is getting a movie, guys. Per The Hollywood Reporter, Will Speck and Josh Gordon are slated to direct the film. Additionally, it’s going to be an “action-comedy” movie. …Reportedly, it’s even going to contain “musical numbers,” according to sources close to THR. Speck and Gordon were both behind Blades of Glory and Office Christmas Party, too.
Soon — I need this. I can totally see how this could be an action-comedy movie. Oregon Trail always had a goofy undercurrent — even while people died of dysentery left and right. I’m glad it’s not going to be “gritty,” betraying the silly, unforgiving nature of the game.
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“Please make it a Walton Goggins and Donald Glover buddy movie. It’s a match up I have been wanting for years,” one Redditor says. Yes. Please get Walton Goggins involved in this. He needs to be the quintessential protagonist of this movie. Hollywood, you know what to do. Y’all got one shot to get this right.
‘oregon trail’ movie is coming, and we aren’t ready
So, I’m going to spend the rest of this article highlighting another beautiful Reddit post about this news. Johnny-kashed, you wonderful genius. Hire this man. Immediately. Basically, it’s straight from the mind of an unhinged scriptwriter.
“Let me write the first scene:
Fade in:
Settler Wayne ‘The Pebble’ Johnman stares at the sun setting on an open plain, while an instrumental version of ‘Oh Shenandoah’ plays. His face displays a longing for a new way of life, and a new place to call home.
Camera zooms out to reveal; Devin Kart, The Pebble’s loyal field hand (don’t worry, we won’t even bring up the existence of slavery), who is being dragged through the dirt by an ox.
The Pebble: When I told you to get some tail, that’s not what I meant.
Devin: I am a short black man.
The Pebble: Now quit clowning around and get Black Jack hooked up.
Black Jack the Ox farts on Devin as he lies in the dirt.
Devin: Really?!
Black Jack the Ox: You’re the one feeding me!
Devin: I am a short black man.
Cut to The Pebble, shaking his head and side-smiling, as if to say ‘Oh this life of mine…‘
Title Card:
Oregon Trail: The Video Game: The Movie.”
