Listen: There is a thing being sold by the Texas Rangers baseball team called the “Dilly Dog” and what that is is a hot dog inside a pickle inside a corn dog. That’s all the information I have. I do not know if this is a new thing or an old thing reinvented but I’ve never heard of someone putting these foods in combination before, so let’s assume it’s new. Here’s a tweet about it that includes a photo just so we’re all on the same page (look at the first image):
One obvious question about the Dilly Dog is: Would you eat it? I’m actually not interested in that because I already know I would—gladly, and probably in a way that would gross out the people around me.
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Now, here are some other questions about the Dilly Dog to fulfill the promise of the headline:
- How do they get the hot dog into the pickle? Is a machine involved?
- If a machine is involved, can I see it in action please?
- What is done with the pickle “cores” once they have been replaced with hot dog? Do they just throw them out? Are there going to be piles and piles of pickle innards just lying in a wet trash can in Arlington’s Globe Life Park?
- Are the hot dog skins crispy? Because it occurs to me that the mouthfeel of corn dog followed by fried pickle followed by crispy hot dog skin followed by hot dog meat would be strange.
- How much are Dilly Dogs? Answer: It is $10 per Dilly Dog.
- What sort of pickle are we talking about? SI.com says it’s dill, which makes sense both because of the name and because I can’t imagine any kind of sweet or spicy pickle really working here, taste-wise. But will alternative varieties be available?
- Is this a sandwich? (Credit for this one to Gizmodo’s Dell Cameron.)
- Is this a reference to the Bud Light “dilly dilly” thing? Please say no.
- Will proper credit be given to the Nashville Sounds, the minor league team that pioneered the meat-inside-pickle strategy?
- Have we as a nation become so addicted to novelty that the insertion of foods into other foods is enough to rouse us to excitement? Taco Bell puts some shit inside some other goddamn shit every other week and yet each time it’s like, Oh this is new! No, it is NOT, it’s just the same low-grade meat wrapped in different combinations of low-grade tortillas and cheeses. So too with the Dilly Dog. Whatever.
- Or should we celebrate the Dilly Dog as a distraction from having to watch baseball? Or from the collapse of American society?
- I’m still thinking about the pickle-coring machine. This isn’t really a question, sorry.
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