Welcome to the VICE Guide to Life, our imperfect advice on becoming an adult.
Some people look back on their school years with warm nostalgia. Others remember school as being a complete, merciless hellhole. Most of us, it stands to reason, fall somewhere in the middle. But if pressed, we could come up with one particular fraught moment in our educational career.
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We asked friends and co-workers to tell us their most traumatic back to school story in six words. Embarrassing memories still haunt many of us; things like losing control of one’s bodily functions. Others winced recalling abusive teachers and cruel classmates. One thing’s for certain: reading through these responses is enough to give anyone a serious case of the back-to-school jitters.
“Lied about homework, teacher choked me.” – Razin, 24
“Asshole jocks knocked over my wheelchair.” – Jason, 26
“Accidentally showed up one day early.” – Johnny, 33
“Freshman. Sister, a senior, ignored me.” – Julie, 34
“I got hung by my underwear.” – Timmothy, 17
“Got in fight with ex-best friend.” – Jordan, 31
“Punched in gut by school bully.” – Michael, 24
“Realized everyone in my grade sucked.” – Tara, 23
“Ex was in all my classes.” – Naeem, 27
“Summer beard. Mad principal. Forced shave.” – Sean, 30
“Shirts versus skins. Was fat. Skins.” – Mike, 25
“Sat by crush. She moved seats.” – Howie, 29
“Was nervous. Puked into my bookbag.” – Kate, 32
“Broke out in terrible chicken pox.” – Heather, 38
“Some kid farted, I got blamed.” – Kim, 37
“Just moved, new school, my birthday.” – Sarah, 42
“Co-ed swim class, sixth grade.” – Jason, 36
“Homeschooled so ‘school’ never actually ended.” – Julia, 35
“Guidance counselor lit me on fire.” – James, 30
“First ever period. Very bloody skirt.” – Jessica, 42
“Gum in hair, missed the bus.” – Heather, 43
“Kindergarten: threw up on school bus.” – Allie, 26
“Sharted in my first AP class.” – Sab, 24
“Shit my pants in middle school.” – Andrew, 26
“Teacher mocked me. Hyperventilated; hospital admission.” – Joan, 54
“Class bully spit in my hair.” – Olivia, 41
“Swim class. Almost drowned. Class laughed.” – Pete, 32
“Wore white pants. Sat in chocolate.” – Beth, 32
“I forgot to set the alarm.” – Luwi, 23
“Picked on to answer teacher’s questions.” – Sergio, 22
“Female teacher gave me a wedgie.” – Kyle, 19
“Bullied for dressing like a boy.” – Lauren, 32
“Someone called in a bomb threat.” – Billy, 23
“Teacher hit me with her car.” – Kelsey, 34
“I broke out in hives everywhere.” – Noah, 29
“Suspended for something I didn’t do.” – Liz, 41
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