How to Get Into Berghain. Maybe. Hopefully.

Last weekend saw a spot of controversy at everyone’s favorite former power-station-turned-nightclub in Berlin when Felix Da Housecat was denied entry to Berghain and took to Twitter to vent about their stringent door policy.

The DJ wasn’t the first to be blocked at the club’s door and won’t be the last. To make sure you get into the Berghain, often dubbed ‘the best club in the world,’ here are some pointers to ensure your four-hour wait in the freezing cold is the start of a 29 hour party you’ll never forget:

POPULARITY BREEDS PROBLEMS

In 2015, Berghain is such an icon of club culture that even your mom and dad are planning to catch a few hours of Marcel Dettmann when they zip over for a winter break. You’ve got to prepare for the fact that everyone else in Berlin is also thinking, “Hey, yeah, let’s have some currywurst, stroll through the Topography of Terror, and then go to the big famous nightclub!” Now more than ever, the bouncers are tasked with selecting a chosen many from the thousands who want to get in. So keep in mind, you may have to queue for hours, and even then you might not get in. Don’t feel bad. It happens to most people.

KNOW YOUR MUSIC

Who is this man? Is it Skrillex? Is it Marcel Dettmann? It’s neither of those. Go home! Managing to convince, or at least play off, like you’re a music obsessive looking to see a certain DJ is a much better look than seeming like a clueless tourist on the lash/pull/turn up/etc.

BLACK ISN’T ALWAYS YOUR BEST BET

Think Berghain and you think testicular impairing black skinnies and those long black t-shirts that Kanye West and fat dudes in snapbacks love. This, you might think, is what to wear to get in. The Berliners say otherwise. “Even if you just wear black skinny clothes, that’s no guarantee. If you look too mousey or tame, for example, you probably won’t make it inside. Oh, and you might have a slight chance if you’re wearing your best 90s techno-shirt too. Maybe.” Take a risk, you never know if lady luck’s smiling down on you from behind the booth at Panorama Bar.

YOU ARE NOT A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE

“You’ve got to remember that Berghain is a pretty crowded club. Sometimes,they just can’t let in more people. If you’re trying to zip into the guestlist queue without being on the list – which is what Felix might have done, perhaps – you DEFINITELY won’t get it because that’s disrespectful to all those waiting patiently. People like that, the thinking goes, won’t contribute much to a good party.”

IF YOU GET IN, LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR

Once you and the contents of your pockets have made it in after a very strict bag search, you can do literally anything you want. People won’t be sneering at you for anything. Be your weird-ass self and expect the same of everyone else there. If you happen to see two grown men in the throes of darkroom lust, it’s no big deal. It’s just weiners and bums, after all.That said, this might be a good time to brush up on your German if you don’t want to be talking to yourself all night. Just kidding, nobody talks.

THERE’S MORE TO BERLIN THAN BERGHAIN

No good nightlife city has ever relied entirely on one club and Berlin’s no different. Head to Tresor or Watergate or some secret basement commune bar – anywhere else that has loud music, no lights, and the occasional warm body to get frisky upon.

Good luck, dear readers.

Josh Baines is on Twitter