Ever since I started scrolling TikTok, I’ve seen my fair share of unsolicited tarot readings promising whirlwind love affairs and dramatic changes in life. Of course, hundreds of thousands of people have seen these videos, too, which made me wonder: Do we all really have the same future?
I’m not really into fortunetelling. Admittedly, as a pre-teen, I used to check how compatible I was with my crush-of-the-moment by looking into our zodiacs, but that was about it. I still check my horoscope from time to time, but don’t actually believe in them. Still, as someone who likes to put the most random TikTok trends to the test, I was curious to see how its viral fortunetellers fared in terms of accuracy, inspiration, and just general entertainment.
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Armed with a skeptic’s mind and a cautiously hopeful heart, I spent about a week immersing myself in TikTok psychic readings—the conventional, the quirky, and the comically absurd.
Day 1: Collective Psychic Reading
My first day of Psychic Week started with a collective reading. These videos are popular all over TikTok. This particular one begins with a TikToker announcing that spirit guides told her to make the video. “Spirit guides” generally refer to wise mystical beings that are dedicated to leading and protecting their assigned humans.
“I keep channeling the words ‘stardust’ and ‘star,’” says the TikTok psychic, who interpreted this to mean that “we’re all shining stars.” According to her, this means avoiding people who “dim your light” while surrounding yourself with people who “uplift your energy” and “want to see you shine.”
Was this pretty generic advice? Definitely. It didn’t seem to me so much a psychic reading as a suave platitude. But in the spirit of trying things out, I turned this into a journal prompt to reflect on my social circle, especially their supportiveness of my passions and peculiarities. It didn’t predict anything about my future but it did make for a good journaling session.
Day 2: Good Ol’ Astrology
Apparently, Aug. 8 heralded the new moon in Leo, which, according to a TikTok-famous astrologist, also coincides with the peak of the lion’s gate portal during Leo season. I wasn’t sure what those terms meant, but I found out that I should be gearing up for an intense manifestation sesh on this extra auspicious day.
For the uninitiated, manifestation is a spiritual technique for attracting our worldly desires. It’s all the rage these days—no longer a woo-woo ritual reserved for mystics, having found a fervent fanbase among self-help enthusiasts. I’ve never actually tried wishing up my dreams—I’m usually more of a do-your-best-and-forget-the-rest kind of person—but I decided to put my manifestation goggles on for some aspirational fun.
Earlier that day, I had shot some footage for an upcoming video for work, so my immediate goal, naturally, was that the finished product would turn out amazing. I closed my eyes and manifested, saying my thoughts out loud: I want to make a funny, snappy, vibey, and all-around immaculate video that viewers would like.
The video in question is in the editing process and is shaping up to be pretty dope, though I can’t tell if it’s the TikTok astrologist or our kick-ass producer I should thank.
Spirituality aside, I think articulating a clear vision of my goals probably does go a long way in making them happen. Besides funneling my disorganized ideas into explicit expectations, the practice also created accountability. Plus, indulging in some main character manifesting never hurt anyone.
Day 3: Pendulum Reading
Forging on within the spiritual realm of TikTok, I consulted a swinging pendulum about my gustatory fortune. I had to think of a yes or no question as the pendulum spun in small circles over a board with various possible responses.
My query was simple. I had made plans to visit a popular Japanese restaurant that weekend, so I asked the pendulum if the food would be good. Painfully frivolous, I know. But definitely easier to handle than the Big Questions: Will I be changing career paths? Confronted with family woes? Or be faced with ominous romantic foreboding? I was deeply afraid of being privy to life’s profound mysteries. Plus, the success of my weekend lunch plans was way easier to test.
The TikTok pendulum’s unequivocal “YES!” was the answer. And it was right—my creamy omelet rice that weekend was delicious. To be fair, omelet rice could hardly flop on the taste buds of an egg-lover like me, but having the pendulum psych me up for the weekend definitely helped me power through the workweek.
Day 4: Almighty Patrick the Psychic Cat
With over 400,000 followers on TikTok, an orange cat called Patrick is perhaps TikTok’s favorite feline psychic. The premise is adorably simple: Patrick’s owner usually holds out three tarot cards and lets him choose one to chomp on.
The account has garnered a cult following on TikTok, likely because of our collective obsession with cats, since it probably isn’t for Patrick’s accuracy in uncovering our deepest secrets. Still, the comment sections on Patrick’s videos are filled with a flurry of questions posted by users who are hungry for a personalized reading from “almighty Patrick.”
On the day I decided to engage Patrick’s clairvoyant services, the cat chewed on the Hierophant tarot card, which usually symbolizes a mentor in one’s life.
“I think this means you have a bald spot but everyone’s too afraid to tell you,” says Patrick’s owner as they flip over the card the cat bit.
The readings, if it isn’t obvious, are done in jest. But I ruffled my hair and scrutinized my scalp twice in the mirror that day, just to be sure.
Day 5: Hot Sauce Oracle
The absurdity of getting your fortune told by a bunch of old sauce packets sitting in someone’s kitchen drawer might be peak TikTok spirituality. I was sold. I knew I had to speak with the hot sauce oracle herself, so I reached out to Katie Zeilman, the professional glassblower behind the TikTok account.
According to Zeilman, it all started out as a joke. She decided to parody the psychic readings on TikTok with her drawer full of unused Taco Bell sauce packets, each labeled with generic phrases like “not sitting this one out” and “always the plan.” She pretended that these saucey clauses were sage words of wisdom, and things snowballed from there. Her comment sections are now flooded with questions she would answer by randomly drawing sauce packets while recording for TikTok.
Despite the account’s popularity (@hotsauceoracle now has over 25,000 TikTok followers), Zeilman confessed that she was sometimes uncomfortable when people asked deeply personal questions. For example: Is my boyfriend cheating on me?
“The whole point was to ‘play it cool’ and not take things so seriously,” she said, adding that other TikTok users would sometimes pile on with advice to certain questions. After all, important life decisions probably shouldn’t be left to the prosaic phrases printed on sauce packets.
Zeilman agreed to do a sauce reading for me. Nearing the end of my Psychic Week and caught deep in drafting this story, my question for the sauce packets was: Will this article be a hit? The chosen sauce packet answered: “Double Dare You.”
“I’d say yeah,” said Zeilman in the video, “but only as much work as you’ve put into it.”
I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.
Day 6: Charm Reading
My last day ended with a quirky psychic reading called “charm reading,” where a psychic reads charms (usually a variety of shapes and symbols) that are shaken out or casually grabbed from a container, then interpreted based on their shape and arrangement.
According to the charm reading that day, I will meet a Cancer, Virgo, or Libra who’s a famous musician. I will also travel all over the world and have a lot of expensive clothes. Sounds like I have plenty of adventures ahead of me, but apparently, so will everyone else who saw that same video.
Hungry for more info about the dreamy reading, I reached out to the person who predicted my fancy future in charms: Stina Garbis, a professional psychic and tarot card expert with 30 years of experience.
“I believe in the power of how the fortune cookie or your horoscope is always accurate, and that fortunes are anywhere you look,” she told me. Besides charms, she also does psychic readings with tarot cards, pendulums, and dice.
While Garbis believes that her interpretations are helpful to viewers, she also cautioned against putting too much weight on TikTok readings.
“All readings on TikTok need to be taken with a grain of salt, and if you have a serious issue that you really need to discuss, then instead of basing your life on a 30-second TikTok, please schedule a session with a professional,” she said.
“Most psychics will agree that viewers should take or ‘claim’ what resonates or what they want to manifest in their life.”
Psychic Week saw me riding a merry-go-round of TikTok fortunetellers who told me to surround myself with a supportive crew, predicted my delicious lunch plans, and warned me about my hair health. I took all this advice in good fun and it did leave me with a sense of optimism about my future quests. I’m still not a big believer in pendulums and scattered charms, but I’ll sure be manifesting that globetrotter lifestyle and celebrity friend I was promised—it won’t hurt to try, right?
Follow Koh Ewe on Instagram.
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