We Ask People Who’ve Been Cheated on How They Feel Now

Cheating is almost always a messy and complicated situation, and it’s understandable that your emotions can get the better of you when the penny drops. In the thick of it all, finding out a partner has cheated on you can feel like the whole world is crashing down. And finding out after the relationship ended can feel like a massive rug pull that makes you question what else you didn’t know or wasn’t genuine.

But, years later, looking back, are those feelings just as raw? For some people time really does heal, for others it’s impossible to shake the hurt or paranoia.

VICE asked 11 people who have been cheated on in the past how they feel about it now.

For some, sadly the answer is no — time doesn’t heal everything, and still feeling angry years later is totally normal.

“Furious to the point I could only laugh at how ridiculous I’d been made to look by the asshole.” - anon

“It was 14 years ago and I'm still mad about it to be honest.” - anon

“He’s the only ex I really hate. I also got to bond with his girlfriend after me. We both hate him.” - anon

For others, the prominent feeling is just sadness, sometimes for the past version of themselves still going through it.

“I was really young and it completely ruined my self esteem. I 'let' it happen for a year.” - anon

“Surface level, jaded. Deeper down, v sad for 20-year-old me who didn’t know how to process it well.” - anon

“I wished I left him the moment he told me he cheated on me. 3 months in. I stayed for a year.” - anon

Some people are, frankly, just over it.

“Honestly don't care, just sort of annoyed that they bothered lying about it to this day. It was seven years ago.” - anon

“Sad that it happened to me but glad that they were all from my insignificant lovers era, my twenties.” - anon

And in the luckiest of cases, there are people who have been able to reflect on one of the hardest situations you can face in a relationship and can look back feeling glad with what it taught them.

“Thankful, without sounding cringe.” - anon

“Made me realise my worth and feel like I truly raised my standards from then on.” - anon

“Grateful. Ha.” - anon

Cheating will never be easy to deal with, but it’s happened to millions of people before, and that means millions people have come out the other side and carried on with their lives, give or take a few scars. And that means you can too.

Own the Feels is brought to you by #LoveBetter, a campaign funded by the Ministry for Social Development.

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Rachel Barker is a writer / producer at VICE NZ in Aotearoa.