Don’t Let This Robot Suck Your Dick

I love robots. Sex, I guess, is also okay. So the idea of sex robots, despite the possibility that they will plunge humanity into a pit of endless sadness, makes a lot of sense.

From Real Dolls to this Chinese sex robot shop, the allure of wanting to fuck without putting any effort into a human relationship is one that has captured the imagination of science-fiction writers and is increasingly becoming a reality.

If you want to bone a bot, I think that’s cool. No judgment. But I don’t recommend you let the “robot” above suck your dick.

As you can see in the video, calling the Arlan Robotics Service Droid 1.0 a robot is a bit of a stretch. It’s more like a wood and metal step ladder with a small motor that makes a plank bob up and down.

“Voltage was needed to ensure enough force was delivered to smoothly cycle the head when it was in active use,” the guy behind Arlan Robotics writes. “The force needed to be just enough but not too great to risk injury. There was enough latency in the system so that if required the product could be stopped with ease just by applying extra pressure on the head.”

Drape that stepladder with some human clothes, affix it with a fleshlight-like head with a wig that’s made with “100% real” hair, and you got yourself a crude blowjob robot.

image: Arlan Robotics/Indiegogo

Key to this, according Arlan Robotics, is to not create a vacuum seal inside the silicone mouth, which is why he added a suction valve. Conveniently, he explained, this means a user can also hold the rubber head’s mouth under a running faucet and clean it by letting the water flow through the same exit tube.

image: Arlan Robotics/Indiegogo

Arlan Robotics said the product is ready for manufacture right away with approximately one month lead-time. The product’s Indiegogo campaign is looking to raise £12,500. With a month left, so far it has raised £835 ($1,000) from four backers.

I understand that not everyone can afford a Real Doll, which costs $4,000-$6,000, or can tolerate talking to another human being, but if you have to fuck a robot on a budget I still suggest you buy a Fleshlight instead. Heck, you can even save some money and buy one of those twerking ass sex toys and a cheap VR headset to really live the dream.

But don’t let this robot suck your dick. This is just glorified fuck machine for boys that some dude made in his garage, and even if it doesn’t injure your genitals, at the very least it will injure your notion of self-worth.