This amazing Map of Metal was created by Patrick Galbraith and metal historian Nick Grant, two good Samaritans committed to providing male teenagers with an alternative to Pornotube. The site features streaming music, videos, and endless facts and definitions, a virtual walk through the origins and definitions of all things musically bleak. You could start clicking around the site over your Cheerios and be fluent in metal facts before dinnertime. All it takes is a little dedication.
As a long-time former goth (different than metal, I know, but work with me here), I like to tell people that once you let “the darkness inside of you,” it never leaves. Case in point, it still only takes a second of the “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” intro for me to break into full-bodied goose bumps. So check the definitions on the Metal Map—the definition for Funeral Doom actually gave me a gleeful chuckle, causing me to realize I’m not normal, and probably never will be: “It is played at a very slow tempo and places an emphasis on evoking a sense of emptiness and despair.” See, isn’t that funny?
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Oh dang, further research reveals that Patrick Galbraith works in graphic design. That explains why the Map of Metal looks so fucking good, and also creates a little mental movie in my mind about his life and inspiration for this project—I bet he was at work one day, laboring over font selections and the perfect color of blue for someone’s vegan cooking site or some shit, when all of a sudden his Spotify account clicked over to an Earth song and he was like, “you know what, fuck this shit,” and then he stood up, ripped his shirt off, played a energetic few seconds of air guitar into the small mirror hung in his cubicle normally reserved for doing booger checks, and then slowly walked home, but with purpose.
Head to the Map Of Metal, and prepare for your baptême du feu.
