Everyone knows the line “Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, When I was dead broke/ Man, I couldn’t picture this” from Biggie Smalls’ house-party soundsystem classic “Juicy” because it’s one of the best songs in the world and if you don’t know all the words, you’re a bad human. But it’s not the only song that now sounds like the ramblings of 60-year-old marketing executives trying desperately to impress the kids.
Rappers and musicians reference things because it increases their relevance. The only problem is that a couple of years after the song is released, the cultural ticks no longer make any sense. Below are a bunch of references that will not make any sense to anyone who is currently being born in a hospital right this second.
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THIS WEIRD SCREENGRAB FROM NELLY & KELLY’S DILEMMA
C’mon Kelly, of course Nelly isn’t going to message you back when you’re trying to text him using MICROSOFT EXCEL. How did this even happen? Who directed this video?
THE iPOD MINI IN D12’s “MY BAND” VIDEO
CRAZYTOWN IN DIDDY’S “BAD BOYS FOR LIFE”
Pour one out for all of the ~famous people~ cameos in music videos that won’t make sense in a decades time (I’m looking at your Artie from Glee in that Katy Perry video).
THE WHOLE OF GYM CLASS HEROES “NEW FRIEND REQUEST”
“It’s hard for me to not hate when I’m on MySpace, I never see my face in your top eight”
Sure, this song could be applied to any social network that exists in the future, but in it’s purest form it’s an ode to something that only a small portion of the population used during an era of fashion choices that most people would probably rather forget.
THIS BAR FROM JAY Z’S “ENCORE”
“I’m in Boeing jets, Global Express/ Out of the country but the Blueberry still connect”
Jay Z comes only a close second to Lil Wayne in the Dad joke stakes.
AND HIS OTHER BAR FROM “I JUST WANNA LUV U”
“Only way to roll, Jigga and two ladies/ I’m too cold, Motorola two–way page me”
Between this, the Blueberry joke, and his deal with Samsung, I think it’s pretty clear that JAY Z really, really loves mobile phones. Fuck blunts, bitches and bourgeois, battery-powered devices are Jigga’s real passion.
BAND AID 20
Seriously? The Darkness? Busted? One of Travis? Beverly Knight? Turin Brakes? Was this the best UK music had to offer in 2003? Only saved by Mutya Sugababes death stare.
THIS LINE IN WILL SMITH’S “FREAKIN’ IT”
“I read in rap pages they referred to me as soft/ Yeah, more like, Micro-soft/ Will Gates of the Rap Game”
Micro-soft is actually a great new insult: small, weak and prone to a sudden virus.
BLINK-182’s “ONLINE SONGS”
“Last night I saw you online, your screen name used to be mine”
This won’t make any sense to a generation that hasn’t experienced the thrill of putting the name of their CrUsH in ******* out letters on an instant messaging service.
A LINE ABOUT BBM’s IN WARREN G’s “SHE GOT HER OWN RINGTONE”
“And I don’t reply to most BBM’s so when you see an R, don’t be tripping”
I’m kinda with Warren on this one. Read message notifications are the worst thing to happen to communication since shouting.
HIP HOP IS DEAD
Tell me again how hip-hop is dead, Nas, tell me again!
THE FUTURE ROOM
The Disco Room, or Future Room, is a room that is known by it’s bright colours, flashing lights, and dancing people, and at one point, this sort of shot was a key component of every popular music video released. Obviously it looks nothing like the future.
THE HACKING SEQUENCE IN THE OFFSPRING’S “ORIGINAL PRANKSTER” VIDEO
Did anyone really believe that a kid could hack a whole city’s electricity power using this laptop just to livestream a high definition show by The Offspring? I totally did, which is strange because though I now own a laptop that costs more than life, I can’t live-stream anything without a constant invasion of pixels, lag, and incessant rage.
PETE WENTZ GETTING A PHONE CALL FROM THE ACADEMY IS… FRONTMAN ON HIS SLIDE-PHONE
Back in the mid 2000s The Academy Is… were poster boys of the Fuelled by Ramen clique, which also included forgotten soldiers like Brendan Urie, The Hush Sound, and some blokes from a band called Cute Is What We Aim For. Fuck, I know too much useless information about emo, someone should start a pub quiz and appoint me chairman.
KANYE WEST RELEASED AN OFFICIAL FALL OUT BOY REMIX
#neverforget
AND EVERY CHANNEL U GRIME VIDEO EVER MADE
Aside from the fact that they’re all filmed on Motorola flip phone, there’s something about Channel U videos that makes 2008 seem like another century.
Follow Ryan on Twitter: @RyanBassil
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