Adulthood introduces you to a lot of sad realities: Everything costs too much money, Santa definitely isn’t real, and aardvarks are nowhere near as cute as PBS suggested in all of those Arthur episodes. The real life animal’s pointy ears and elongated proboscis veer a little more creepy Alf than they do Arthur Read-level adorable. But if sentiments like “having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card” still float through your thoughts, you might find yourself less than enthusiastic about eating aardvark—even if it’s on a pizza.
In Kilmarnock, Scotland, a restaurant called Indian Accent has added “Spicy Aardvark” pizza to its truly extensive menu of delivery options, with everything from Indian kormas to omelettes, hoagies, and burgers. The restaurant’s descriptions leave something to be desired: the “Mayo Pizza” is described as having “onion, pepper, tikka, jalapeño,” but pies like “Runaway Chicken,” “Karachi Feast,” and “Spicy Aardvark” leave it all up to your imagination.
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That might be why, according to the Glasgow tabloid Evening Times, the restaurant’s new pizza is gaining a little scrutiny from the local East Ayrshire Council. The Evening Times‘s report alleged that a customer saw a woman in the restaurant yesterday, claiming to be an inspector. But when she asked for documentation for the aardvark pizza, a worker allegedly told her that it contained only “spicy mince, chicken, and lamb”—with no actual aardvarks harmed in the process. Regardless, a council spokesperson told the Evening Times, “Officers will be fully investigating this matter to ensure that the restaurant owner is complying with all relevant legislation.”
MUNCHIES has reached out to Indian Accent, as well as the East Ayrshire Council, for a final verdict on the pizza topping, but we haven’t yet received a response. It’s worth keeping some skepticism, however, since aardvark doesn’t seem a terribly popular choice of meat—a quick Google for “eating aardvarks” pulls up more results about how aardvarks eat (mostly at night and underground, FYI) and “cute” aardvark eating videos than it does, say, recipes and cooking strategies.
But even if the pizza doesn’t have actual aardvark, given that the animals eat only ants, termites, and the “aardvark cucumber,” the restaurant could have gotten a little more creative with the toppings on that pie.
UPDATE: After publication, a spokesperson for the East Ayrshire Council told MUNCHIES via email: “An Environmental Health Officer visited [Indian Accent] on the 8th May and spoke to the food business operator and the chef clarified that the ‘aardvark pizza’ does not contain aardvark meat. The pizza topping contains spicy chicken, minced lamb and green chillies. […] Advice was given to the food business operator regarding the labelling of the product on his menus.”
