Alongside melting ice caps, decline of the honey bees, and mass international greed/debt, one of the biggest global challenges is handling the perceived rise of Islamic State. The militant group—who have taken control of large parts of Iraq and Syria in recent years and suppressed dissenting voices in often brutal and violent fashion, such as beheading opponents—rank pretty high on most government’s defense agendas. Just yesterday President Obama gave a speech from the Pentagon in which he launched a “long-term campaign” to get into the “heart” of ISIS; a plan presumably involving guns, bombs, loss of life, and all the downsides that come with warfare. If only there were a better way.
Shaggy—Mr Boombastic, Mr Lover Lover, the man behind your favorite anti-infidelity anthem—seems to think he’s found one. In an interview with the Miami Times the pop star unveilved his own personal plan to defeat ISIS.
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“Music evokes emotion”, he said. “So if they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off.”
“There’re two things you want to do when you listen to reggae,” he continued. “You get somebody pregnant, or you’re fucking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst ISIS. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.”
It’s difficult to disagree with Shaggy, an ex-marine who has found success in multiple countries on factual points. High people really don’t do anything other than sleep, eat, have sex, masturbate, and browse hella Reddit. Of couse I’m not saying an extreme jihadist group could be stopped by listening to “It Wasn’t Me,” “Angel,” and “I Need Your Love” on repeat, I’m just saying we should be careful before we discount Shaggy as a useful diplomat in any future geo-political negotiations.
