We Got Bestival Wreckheads To Tell Us Which Conspiracy Theories They Believe In

Ever since my dad showed me a David Icke video at the tender and impressionable age of eleven years old, I’ve been obsessed with conspiracy theories. Whether it’s a fake moon landing, the ritual sacrifice of Princess Diana, the CIA pumping crack into the water supply, Stevie Wonder’s “blindness”, or the Reptilian Elite, I’ve heard it all.

Whilst a lot of the theories sound outlandish, it doesn’t stop a large majority of people from believing in one or two of them. I’ve met enough people who have stayed awake for days glued to YouTube and locking themselves in their bedroom, thinking that if they listen to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” again, the devil is going to jump out of their wardrobe. Personally, I have not drunk tap water myself since the age of fourteen through fear of suppressing my imagination. It’s all about fluoride deposits in your pineal gland. Trust me.

As a cosmopolitan Mecca for some of the most outside-of-the-box thinkers from across the UK, I traveled to Bestival to try and get to the bottom of some of these over-arching questions weighing down on humanity.

Continues below

MICHAEL, 29, PHARMACIST

Who killed Tupac?
The US government.

But why?
Separation. You don’t want too many people being eager about one thing at the same time. You’re trying to keep that section of your public not as outspoken as they are. Tupac is actually a bad example, because the guy was a ballerina. He was his own conspiracy theory. But the reality is, he spoke a lot of truths that a lot of people felt at the time. East and West coast was gonna join and rap was going to sweep America and so the government said, “Lets put a stop to that”.

Do you believe in Aliens?
It would be foolish to consider that we’re the only things in the entire universe that are capable of conscious thought. 75% of the world’s body mass has not been discovered yet because it’s too deep in the ocean and we can’t explore due to certain death, so it’s a bit foolish of us to think: oh yeah, we can’t find shit in the ocean. Let’s assume infinite space is empty as well.

You make a strong case. What’s your favourite conspiracy theory or the one you truly believe exists?
9/11 – they let that happen. They said that the Pentagon had enough intel knowing that there was going to be an attack happening they just assumed it was a hoax. But obviously it did happen and the whole world changed for it. Have you ever been to the freedom tower?

Yes.
I love the concept of it. The fact that they’ve got the whole world looking at it. So poignant. Keep it is a reminder so they never get naive again.

Do you think that AIDS is man made?
That’s something rappers spread.

Who runs the world?
According to Missy Elliot, girls.

I think that’s Beyoncé. Last one, do you drink tap water?
Yes, I’m a pharmacist. I give tap water to kids with their penicillin. Why would I not drink it as well?

Because doesn’t it have fluoride in and its an intellect suppressant?
Nope. Toothpaste has fluoride in. Everything in moderation. The modern mentality that everything causes cancer – anything in moderation, you’re fine. Whiskey is poison.

MITCHELL, 23, FIREMAN (LEFT)

Noisey: Hey buddy! Let’s talk conspiracy theories.
Mitchell: Biggie Smalls killed Tupac and Tupac killed Snoop Dogg.

Snoop Dogg’s still alive though? Who killed Bob Marley?
Ebola.

Ouch.
Man on the ones and twos. Where’s my shoes? I got the blues. Casanova in the range rover.

You got bars man. What about aliens?
Aliens, the film. And My Parents Are Aliens.

Is that proof?
Yeah it’s on Nickelodeon.

Okay, well what about 9/11?
Pentagon. Conspiracy. I think it was all fake.

Why do you think that?
A couple of things I’ve watched on YouTube.

Do you think YouTube is a credible source?
RedTube is better. The best one is ZooTube that’s the animal one.

Last question is…
I am single yeah.

Never going to happen. Last questions is do you drink tap water? I don’t drink it because it has fluoride in it.
In Spain I don’t unless I’m hammered. I love tap water more than bottle water. I could do with some cold water. Not bottled warm water.

So you don’t care about your intellect being suppressed?
What’s that?

Okay.

AMANDA, 26, WORKS IN MUSIC (MIDDLE)

Who rules the world?
Drake.

Do you believe in Aliens?
Yes.

Do you think the CIA are hiding Aliens from us?
Yes.

Why?
Cause anything under the unknown is always very surreal for anyone to get to grips with.

What’s your favourite conspiracy theory?
The twin towers. That we all knew that it was going on and we did nothing to stop that shit from happening.

Can you explain yourself a bit more?
As in, that two weeks before twin towers hid, there was shit popping off from each level. They all had to turn around and go out of their fire exits and also at the same time.

What kind of extent do you think people have control over our minds?
I would like to think that people are better than all of this but they’re not. Because all that shit gets palmed off on them so they think they’re better than that.

Who killed Tupac?
Rap.

Do you believe in the illuminati?
Yes if we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t have hip-hop.

RYAN, 21, STUDENT (FAR RIGHT, HE DOESN’T WANT THE GOVERNMENT TO SEE HIS FACE)

Do you think aliens exist?
Sometimes, when I get high, I see shit. So that’s cool.

Who killed Tupac?
The music industry probably killed him. His first was album was banging, his second album was even banging-er.

Is banging-er a word?
I hope so.

Do you think Bob Marley died of cancer?
He died from football. He played too much football.

Who runs the world?
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. They’re obviously running stuff. That’s cool. I’m happy with that.

Do you believe chemtrails are a way of poisoning us?
Yeah, yeah, definitely. They need to stop that shit! Stop putting it in the water. Stop putting it in the McDonalds. And all the fizzy drinks. Just stop.

Follow Daisy on Twitter