Teen Pulled Over for Driving 105 MPH Blamed Hot-Wings-Induced Bathroom Emergency

On the r/AskLEO subreddit, one person posted a question that we’ve all probably asked ourselves at least once: What happens if you get pulled over because you’re desperate to get to a bathroom and you need to get to your toilet as soon as humanly possible? “I’ve always been curious,” a strangely appropriate user named u/123poop wrote. “They’re speeding so they don’t shit their pants. They panic. What happens?”

One supposed Law Enforcement Officer responded that he’d stopped a man for going 62 in a 45 mph zone, and the driver asked if the cop would please just let him hit up a nearby gas station’s bathroom. “I let him, then wrote the ticket which he happily took,” the officer said. “We were both laughing about it.” (Really? Because having to use a gas station bathroom can sometimes feel deadly serious.)

Another said he wrote a warning ticket to a driver who said he had “the bubble gut,” while a third said that if someone actually shat in their pants, they might drive off without a ticket, too. “That’s some disgusting dedication,” the officer wrote.

A 16-year-old driver in Manitoba didn’t go that far—but he did have an interesting bowel-related excuse. Last week, Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) Manitoba tweeted that one of its officers had pulled the unidentified teen over for driving 170 kph (105 mph) in a Camaro. His excuse? “Too many hot wings & needed a bathroom.”

This 16-year-old’s excuse for going 170 km/h in a Camaro? “Too many hot wings & needed a bathroom”. Fined $966 for speeding + $203 for driving w/o a supervising driver. Absolutely #noexcuses for that kind of speed. #rcmpmb pic.twitter.com/oXe78AAUgc

— RCMP Manitoba (@rcmpmb) June 6, 2019

That may or may not have been true, but he still got a $966 CAD (US $728) fine for speeding and a second $203 (US $152) fine for being on the road without a supervising driver. “Absolutely #noexcuses for that kind of speed,” RCMP Manitoba wrote. In responses to its @-replies, the cops said that “an adult” came to pick up the Camaro—but they didn’t say whether the driver made it to a bathroom without incident (or for how long the kid got grounded).

In addition to the $1,169 surcharge on that order of wings, the teen is also facing 12 demerit penalties on his driving record—10 for going more than 50 kph over the speed limit, two for being unsupervised—and is facing a license review with Manitoba Public Insurance. (RCMP Manitoba wrote that it was “most likely” that his license would be suspended.)

It sounds like he might be ultra-familiar with public transport before the summer’s over, and he should probably lay off the hot wings for a bit. There are other people on those buses too, bruh.