The Battle of the Fake Drake

Despite what your Mum will tell you after that one time you were bullied for wearing something weird on non-uniform day, you are not unique. 7 billion people live on this sphere of decomposing bags and somewhere, one of them will look exactly like you.

Most people have trundled the wheelbarrow of their miserable existence into club nights where the occasional pedestrian will acknowledge your face with a prerequisite of “OMG you look just like [insert random person you have never met]”, mundanesterbating your personal space with anecdotes before finally evaporating into the ether. For a lucky few who coincidentally look mildly like someone famous, this passing resemblance can spiral into a light-level of public appearance led success before the realisation you’ve spent the past five years biting someone’s apple instead of growing your own achievement tree.

Lots of people in the world fall into the second category and with the advent of Instagram, it’s easy to find them. Recently, I came across two different fake Drake’s.

Dreamaker504 has looked like Drake since at least November 2013.

And DrakesBrother has looked like Drake since at least July 2012. But who did it better? Let’s find out guys.

SCREENAME

Dreamaker504 sounds like the sort of handle that belongs to a guy with dreams of taking a girl out for a semen dinner and never calling her again. Or a catfish from Milwaukee. Or a perma-teen that has a dominant right arm after sitting in the one-hand-on-the-keyboard stance every evening. That’s not to say that dreamaker504 is any of those things but bro, do you even internet? Numbers are dead.

DrakesBrother wins this round.

CELEBRITY SPOTS

Looking mildly like a famous person means that you should use every single opportunity to distract people from the fact that you are a free-loading 23 year-old living off a parental paid WiFi connection. You can do this pretending to be a celebrity who will refuse to “just wait fifteen minutes” at Pizza Express because DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? and papping yourself with other famous people.

Drakes Brother is the king of this.

Here’s him with A$AP.

Here’s him with Hodgy Beats.

And here’s him in an inexplicably pixelated picture with Ryan Leslie.

Meanwhile, Dreamaker504 has filled his Instagram account with what can only be described as a self vanity project.

Here’s him with the camera phone.

Here’s him with the digital SLR.

Oh hi, I didn’t see you there. Except it’s on the internet. And I’ve saved it here. Forever.

Dreamaker504 has 227 photos and almost every single one is of his face, surely taken in a self-executed photoshoot of which we can be sure involves at least 524 more photos which will be looked over with minute detail before landing on a “winnner”. DrakesBrother also has selfies, but his are a lot more interesting, more ~in the moment~ rather than in the mirror, moving your head slightly to the left, sucking in your mouth, admiring your cheekbones, making that dimple look cute.

DrakesBrother – 2

Dreamaker504 – 0

AN ACTUAL PHOTO WITH DRAKE

DrakesBrother – 3

Dreamaker504 – 0

TRICKING PEOPLE

Dreamaker504, for all his faults, is apt at tricking unsuspecting people into belief while maintaing a degree of an R’n’B star in the middle of a painkiller binge.

Here’s him on Omegle, which let’s be honest, isn’t scoring him any cool tech points after the screen name debacle.

DrakesBrother has no photos with “fans”. I’m going to give Dreamaker504 a point here mainly because I’m nice and I invented this category to be nice. Also, shut up, I do what I want.

DrakesBrother – 3

Dreamaker504 – 1

BEING A FAN

It’s all well and good looking like a famous person but often a civilian will appear, eschewing the sidewalk to verbally jizz their love for an obscure B-side all over your face. You’ll need to be ready. You’ll need to be prepped with an answer. This means you need to study up on your lookalike like they’re a cartoon you’d want to watch everyday after school.

DrakesBrother is a huge Drake fan and runs the German Drake fanclub page. Filling his Instagram account with promotional material, he’s supporting Drake like the true fan that PR cannot buy.

On the other hand, dreamaker504 is still posting photos like this.

DrakesBrother – 4

Dreamaker504 – 1

ACTUALLY LOOKING ANYTHING LIKE DRAKE

DrakesBrother – 4

Dreamaker504 – 2

SO, WHO DID IT BETTER?

If we’re going on looks alone, then Dreamaker504 did it better. You can’t top his stubble game and I want to borrow his razor and just hold on (until we’re going home). But, overall, Drakesbrother is the winner. He’s a true fan who just happens to look sort of like the person he adores. Which is sort of what we all try to do, imitating our heroes clothes and living life through their music, it’s just that he’s been blessed with genes that have slid slightly into place.

Drakesbrother did it better. I do, however, believe that if the real Drake was not famous, his Instagram would 100% resemble Dreamaker504’s.

Follow Ryan on Twitter: @RyanBassil

We hung out with DrakesBrother once. Read that here.