The Mysteries of Guy Fieri’s Hair Have Been Revealed

I have a deep unironic love for Guy Fieri, for his bleached-out tips; for his commitment to heavily embellished button-downs; and for his entire attitude and persona, which is essentially a PT Cruiser carved out of Velveeta doing doughnuts in the parking lot of a Las Vegas outlet mall. (Oh yeah, and also because he’s by all-accounts a really good dude.) I’ve always imagined him as the cool stepdad I never had, who would show up at my mom’s house blasting Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen as he idled in the driveway, and yes, I have thought about this scenario more than once, thank you for asking.

It’s bad news for my weird-ass stepdad idea (but good-ish for both of my real parents) that Fieri already has a family, who seem to adore him. In a recent beyond pure interview with People, Fieri and Lori, his wife of 24 years, shared some details about their marriage, about what the Mayor and First Lady of Flavortown do in their free time, and about his commitment to his signature look.

Here are Fieri Facts that we just learned:

Guy Fieri didn’t always look like Guy Fieri.
“When I first met him, he had no goatee. He had dark hair. He wore a suit to work every day,” Lori said, forcing this cursed image into all of our minds. “Now I look at him and I’m like, ‘Where’s that man I married with the whole clean look?’”(FORGET IT, LORI. THIS IS FLAVORTOWN.)

We know who’s responsible for his dye job.
The now-iconic but no-less-jarring-when-you-see-it-for-the-one-millionth-time hairstyle was created (unleashed???) by his friend and then-hairdresser Christina Jones. “I was just kind of having one of those moods one day, and said, ‘Just do whatever you want,’” he said. “She goes, ‘Whatever I want?’ ‘Whatever you want.’ I get done and I’m like, ‘You gonna wash that out, that shampoo?’ She goes, ‘No, that’s your hair color.’”

He was so shook that his first reaction was to hide it.
“It was Friday night at like six o’clock. I had to be at the restaurant […] So I put a ball cap on and walked to the restaurant.”

It used to be a seasonal thing, because he used to do red-blonde in the summer for fun.
“It used to be seasonal. Because he used to do red-blonde in the summer for fun,” Lori said.

Lori doesn’t always love that he looks like Guy Fieri.
“I tease him every once in a while. And I do want a little change sometimes. But that’s like me changing my hair to black. I mean, I’m not going to do that for him, so,” she said.

But she very much likes that he is Guy Fieri.
“At the end of the day, I look at him and I still genuinely like him,” she says, and no you’re crying shut the fuck up. “Starting from the time we wake up in the morning, he pretty much has me laughing.”

This is so very sweet, and it only makes us stan Guy—and Lori—even harder. Also, if you guys do ever need to adopt a grown woman who is also caught in a vicious cycle of bleaching her not-at-all blonde hair, then please get in touch. I’ll start packing my things.