The Peas Are Mushy And The Chicken Tastes Like Wood

If the hip hop world had to write a graduate-level thesis paper it would probably be handled by New York lyricist Aesop Rock. A power-packed orator with a vocabulary level above the 99th percentile, his compositions are laid so thick and introspective that they can takes days to properly digest. Now that he’s got a new legion of fans willing to risk the heartburn, Aesop Rock has found himself serving up an impressive first-time worldwide tour. He’s hitting the US, Japan, the US again, and then Europe just to wind down. But with a three-page rider for his dietary anomalies, Aesop is worried shitless about the food.

VICE: British food is almost as bad as Russian food.
Aesop: I’m a little nervous about Europe. I heard England has bad food, yeah. I’ve never been there but that’s what they say. I don’t understand how an entire country can have bad food. Have you been there?

Yeah, they’ll eat a bag of batter grease. It’s called “a packet’ ‘o scrapes.” Is there anything you won’t eat?
I don’t eat vegetables. Once when I was little I threw up from eating green beans. Broccoli will definitely make me gag. Cooked celery or carrots… that shit is nauseating to me. I don’t fuck with cooked shit, really. Salad is a foreign concept too. Anything green, except avocados.

How about weed?
I guess I’ve eaten brownies.

Have you seen those Rap Snacks? All the Universal urban artists have their own snack food. Sticky Fingas has his own corn chip.
Def Jux has that shit. The Def Jux Beans & Rice TV Dinner. The desert for me would have to be a chocolate and peanut butter combination w/ice cream. I could live off ice cream.

Do you cook at all?
Trying, but my girl’s always laughing at me. I used to cook Steak ‘ums. That was the first thing I ever learned how to cook . Is that really cooking, though? You just put it in a frying pan and when it’s brown you eat it.

Are there any special foods you eat to facilitate your rapping skills?
I always eat Tostidos with cheese dip while I’m writing. It’s easy ‘cause you can eat ‘em and dip with one hand, while writing with the other. You don’t have to stop.

Have you ever spilled the cheese dip on your sampler?
Actually, I recorded a verse right after I was eating all these Saltines. And there’s still cracker crumbs in the mic’s spit screen. They’re embedded in there forever. Shit, now nobody’s gonna want to record at my house again.

ZOOT SIMMS
Eat something with Aesop Rock’s latest, Labor Days (Def Jux).