Courtesy of Columbia Records
2014 was not a great year for the posse cut rap remix, even in the context of what has (so far) not been a great decade for the posse cut rap remix. A few artists blew it when they needed to keep a big song’s buzz going (looking in your direction, Bobby Shmurda), and a few hits that probably deserved an all-star remix never got one (“No Type,” “Lifestyle,” “0 To 100,” “Fight Night” and “Seen It All” come to mind). Probably the biggest and best remix of the year, the Meek Mill and Young Money-powered version of YG’s “My Nigga,” dropped all the way back in January (honorable mentions also go to the rap remix of DJ Snake’s “Turn Down For What” and Jeremih and Boosie killing Snootie Wild’s “Made Me”). However, the final quarter of the year was a good one, with Jeezy hitting the guest verse circuit hard, DeJ Loaf getting her first taste of stardom, and only a minimal amount of French Montana.
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“About The Money (Remix)” – T.I. featuring Young Thug, Jeezy and Lil Wayne
The original “About The Money,” and 2014 in general, were arguably all about Southern rap royalty bowing down to Young Thug and welcoming him to the club, and that’s even more true of the remix, where three of the South’s biggest stars of all time all follow his lead. Jeezy and T.I. both rap in Thugger’s flow from the original song, and Lil Wayne does that weird high voice that he thinks sounds like Young Thug, but actually sounds like Stewie asking Brian about his novel.
Best verse: Young Thug
Overall Grade: A-
“Animals (Remix)” – Maroon 5 featuring J. Cole
One of the odd things about J. Cole’s making a big show of releasing an album with no advance singles and no guests or crossover attempts is that, right as that was happening, I was hearing him on my local Top 40 station in a remix of one of the biggest, worst pop hits out right now. His platitude-filled verse here is much different from what you hear on his albums – the main difference is that this one ends with Adam Levine making a silly wolf howling sound.
Best verse: n/a
Overall Grade: D
“Awwsome (Remix)” – Shy Glizzy featuring 2 Chainz and A$AP Rocky
This song always sounded awkward and forced to me, like Shy Glizzy was dumbing down the content of his other material to make a goofy fake 2 Chainz song, but it worked out pretty well as his breakthrough radio hit, so who am I to complain? Now, the actual 2 Chainz is on it, but he kinda outraps Glizzy, in addition to out-2 Chainzing him. A$AP Rocky sounds really stilted and uncomfortable trying to show off with internal rhymes; it kinda kills the vibe of the track.
Best verse: 2 Chainz
Overall Grade: B
“Blah Blah Blah (Remix)” by Rich Homie Quan featuring Fabolous, Ty Dolla $ign and DeJ Loaf
Fourteen months after I Promise I Will Never Stop Going In was released, and well after the Hot 100 success of “Walk Thru,” Rich Homie Quan’s most recent solo mixtape continues spinning off hits. Fabolous, who managed to keep winning with remix verses long after his own hits dried up, finally seems to be out of decent punchlines. Ty Dolla $ign, the R&B singer who everyone thinks is a rapper, proves to not be much of a rapper once you give him sixteen bars to show and prove, although he manages the memorable couplet, “ball out on these hoes/ balls out on these hoes.” Meanwhile, DeJ Loaf sounds so at home here, burrowing into Rich Homie Quan’s singsong melody much like she did on “Try Me,” that it starts to sound like her song by the end of her verse.
Best verse: DeJ Loaf
Overall Grade: C+
“Detroit Vs. Everybody (Remix)” – Eminem featuring Trick Trick, DeJ Loaf, Guilty Simpson, Black Milk, Sino, Marv Won, Payroll, Hydro, Big Gov, Boldy James, Kid Vishis, Big Herk, Icewear Vezzo, Detroit Che, Calicoe and Diezel
The original “Detroit Vs. Everybody” was six minutes long and featured a half dozen of the best known MCs from Detroit, so in order to up the ante, the remix packs sixteen guests into sixteen minutes, most of them unknown outside the city (unless Big Gov is the rapping alias of Michigan governor Rick Snyder, which I haven’t ruled out). DeJ Loaf and Trick Trick, who were only on the original with the hook and the outro, respectively, get great verses on this version, and Black Milk is a standout of the better-known rappers in the first few minutes.However, in the wilderness of the last ten minutes, where the Statik Selektah beat wears thin amidst verses by guys with names like Kid Vishis and Icewear Vezzo, a young woman named Detroit Che is the standout, sounding a little like DeJ Loaf if she had a more audible Eminem influence.
Best verse: Detroit Che
Overall Grade: C
“Elvis Presley Blvd. (Remix)” by Rick Ross featuring Yo Gotti, Project Pat, Juicy J, MJG and Young Dolph
The first single released from Hood Billionaire (remember that?) was an unexpected tribute to Memphis featuring Project Pat, so naturally, the remix goes back to pick up a few titans of Tennessee rap; Pat even turns in a better new verse than his unmemorable turn on the original. The surprising low point of the remix is Juicy J, who has never sounded more at a loss for how to flow on a beat, but the high point is MJG, who, no disrespect to the mighty 8Ball, I always relish hearing without his more famous partner in rhyme around to steal the spotlight. He just has one of the greatest, most distinctive cadences of all time, and we should be paying him more respect (and not just when we’re talking about Memphis). He just goes off on some hilarious tangents here: “Tell them crackers go get the dogs/ And when them dogs don’t find nothing you can tell those crackers they can kiss some balls/ Kiss some balls? Yeah, treat ‘em as if they was a mistletoe.” Also in notable quotes, Rick Ross talks about having sex in the pool at his mansion, formerly owned by Evander Holyfield: “I fucked your bitch at Holyfield pool/ Fucked her like a man, shoulda heard the splash.”
Best verse: MJG
Overall Grade: B
“Hold You Down (Remix)” – DJ Khaled featuring Usher, Rick Ross, Fabolous and Ace Hood
DJ Khaled has released twenty singles over the past decade, but “Hold You Down” is only the fifth that hasn’t featured Rick Ross, and the first to become a major hit without Rozay. It makes sense, since “Hold You Down” is essentially an R&B posse cut wherein the only rapper, Future, is one of the most melodic MCs in the game. The remix feels kind of like a corrective, just to let Ross in on the first Khaled success he wasn’t a part of, and turn it into a more commonplace Khaled rap-a-thon. One Usher is about equal to the combined worth of Chris Brown, Jeremih and August Alsina combined, but the math doesn’t quite add up here, when the whole appeal of the original was how their voices all wove together with distinct individual roles. You’d think permanent DJ Khaled charity case Ace Hood would be the lowlight of this remix, but he’s got easily the best verse of the track while the bigger stars are phoning it in.
Best Verse: Ace Hood
Overall Grade: C
“L.A. Love (Remix)” – Fergie featuring YG
Both Fergie and Gwen Stefani have recently returned to the pop charts with less than successful attempts to stake their respective claims as godmothers to the swaggy white girl era, but Fergie has managed it with more chutzpah, implicitly pulling Iggy Azalea’s card by actually having DJ Mustard produce her lead single instead of churning out a off-brand “Fancy” soundalike. I have to respect her for actually putting the YG mix of her single in the official video, and bringing him along for her American Music Awards performance. YG says “brazy” on this song, and I always love when he does that, because what if his album had been called My Brazy Life instead?
Best verse: n/a
Overall Grade:“Try Me (Remix)” – DeJ Loaf featuring T.I. and Jeezy
“Try Me” is one of the year’s most rapped-on beats, and DeJ Loaf herself has remixed the song more than once. First, her Sell Sole mixtape in October ended with a remix featuring Remy Ma (then fresh out the pen), and Ty Dolla $ign. Two months later, with the song in heavy rotation across the country she rebooted with a new “official remix” with a couple of bigger names. Except this remix uses the same DeJ Loaf verse from the old remix, complete with references to one of the guest no longer on the track (“I’ll get her on my song, I was just like ‘free Remy’”). Usually when they’re on the same track, it becomes impossible not to acknowledge that Tip is a more traditionally gifted MC than Jeezy. But this is one of those rare moments when Jeezy totally outshines his old friend, with an amusing extended metaphor: “I told my wrist, these bitches watch it like it’s porno/ I’m from where they fingerfuck that FNH just like it’s a freaky bitch/ 12 watch the surveillance tape just like it’s a freaky flick”
Best Verse: Jeezy
Overall Grade: A
“24 Hours (Remix)” – TeeFLii featuring Bobby Shmurda and Ty Dolla $ign
Considering that Ty Dolla $ign’s existence nearly renders his own redundant, you’d think TeeFLii wouldn’t be in a rush for them to appear on the track. TeeFLii seems even more useless than usual here, offering needless variations on the original hook and his bizarre, idiotic, “Annie, are you otay?” catchphrase that I suppose is meant to evoke Buckwheat singing “Smooth Criminal.” Something odd happens when you take Bobby Shmurda off of the kind of tracks that made him famous and throw him on a generic DJ Mustard beat: he kind of sounds like B.o.B.
Best verse: Ty Dolla $ign
Overall Grade: D
“7/11 (Detail Remix)” – Beyonce featuring French Montana
Detail was already on the short list for “most annoying person in music” just off of the strength of the hook on Lil Wayne’s “No Worries,” but in 2014, as he produced very popular hits for Beyonce, he managed to continue making himself as annoying as possible with remixes that subtracted everything people liked about the songs and added a bunch of other garbage. Detail’s remix of “Drunk In Love,” released right before the more high-profile Kanye West remix, was a tangled, pointless mess of plug-in filters and sound effects. The “7/11” remix released on Christmas was like his final turd in a gift-wrapped box, a remix so bad that French Montana was actually the least obnoxious thing about it.
Best verse: n/a
Overall Grade: F
Al Shipley is busting out the red pen on Twitter.
