It’s the morning after the night before. You follow the damning trail of clothes, cans, and greasy pizza boxes from your bed to the kitchen, and raid the cupboards for anything, anything carb-based in a crazed attempt to banish your hangover before that 9 o’clock staff meeting.
As we all know, it’s a near-impossible task. But in a few years time, your fuzzy head could be cleared by just one cup of tea.
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UK-based tea company Tetley claims in its new “Future of Tea” report, released yesterday in partnership with consumer trends research company Future Foundation, that by 2026, it will be be able to produce a range of “Remedy Teas” “enriched with medicines” to cure everything from sore heads to hair loss and erectile dysfunction.
If the report is to be believed, the brew of the future will be so much more than a morning pick-me-up.
Tetley claims that as well as teas containing “ready-made blends for ailments,” it will produce a “Hangover Tea” with added antacids and caffeine. Another “Youthbrew Tea” will include a dose of collagen.
And if future you is worried about hair loss, fret no more. Tetley’s “Hair Restore Tea” is predicted to come with a shot of minoxidil, a hair regrowth medication. Then there’s the “Virili-Tea,” which will be made with—wait for it—erectile dysfunction medicine.
In a press release on the slightly ambitious sounding teas, Laurent Sagarra, head of innovation, compliance, and quality at Tetley, said that the brews were being developed in response to consumers’ needs. (Basically the desire for a hangover-free, sexually active, thick-head-of-haired existence, then?)
He said: “Significant advances are being made to meet consumer demand and our Super Tea range of functional blends with clinical health benefits already represents the biggest innovation in tea since the tea bag.”
It seems we’ll have to wait another ten years to find out whether extra caffeine and a bit of indigestion medicine can actually reverse the effects of last night’s cut-price Chardonnay, but Tetley’s predictions in tea innovation do reflect Britain’s newfound preference for specialty teas over the standard black.
For now though, it’s probably best to keep the Berocca handy.
