The VICE Interview: Lethal Bizzle

If you want a good example of how the traditional music industry way of doing things is rapidly dissolving like shit biscuits in hot tea, then look at Lethal Bizzle. The original grime don hasn’t put an album out in almost seven years, but in the time has released 10 charting singles, becoming friends with Judi Dench, turned his Snapchat into a slapstick cult comedy show, and made a number of appearances on Match of the Day. He’s established himself as part of the furniture of modern British culture, why would he need a record?

Following on from the official release of his latest single “Wobble“, we decided to have a chat to him about stalkers, Piers Morgan and getting your cock chopped off.

VICE: What would your parents have preferred you to have chosen as a career?
My dad wanted me to be an engineer. He made me go to college and do A-levels in electronic engineering. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, I was just winging it. Then “Oi” by More Fire Crew blew up and I wanted to be an MC. I was like, “Dad, I can’t do both.” And he was fucking gutted man, he literally packed his bags and moved back to Ghana.

Who is the worst person on Twitter?
Piers Morgan, man. We’re both gooners but he’s fucking bipolar or something bruv, you know what I mean? I’ve had to unfollow him a couple of times. Sometimes he says some stuff, I’m like “Yeyeyeaaah!” Then he just says some random shit and I’m like, “Aaaaah fuck off!”

Would you have sex with a robot?
What the fuck? A sex robot? Nahhhh, nahhh, nahhhh, I think I’ll skip that man. It might chop your dick off or something. Nah nah that’s too risky, say you have a malfunction and your cock’s inside the robot, what the fuck? You can’t… [sighs with a deep concern about the prospect] … you can’t just pull it out.

What conspiracy theories do you believe in?
Oh it’s all a bunch of bollocks. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I don’t believe it.

If you won the lottery tomorrow, would you carry on doing what you’re doing, change jobs, or stop working?
I’ve dreamed about winning the lottery nearly every month, and all I would do is just increase everything I’m doing already to a bigger level. I’d just ramp it up, get a fucking Bugatti, get a bigger office, put my boys on a bigger wage, start doing gigs for free, and make sure my family and my friends are alright.

What’s the nicest thing you own?
Probably my lambo.

If you were a wrestler, what song would you come into the ring to?
Easy: Forward. Straight up man. All the lyrics speak for themselves: “You don’t want no beef, I’ll crack your skull, leave you fucked up in a wheelchair.”

What’s the worst injury or illness you’ve ever had?
Came off my motorbike a few years ago, doing an ender. An ender is when you brake and the back wheel goes up in the air. I came up too quick and literally just crumbled. Didn’t go to the hospital cos I wasn’t technically legal to drive a motorbike thinking, “shit they might call the police” and I might get fucked up. My friend’s mum was a nurse and she just cleaned it up a little bit for me. It took almost a year to heal. I couldn’t sleep properly. If anything touched it I’d be in agony.

What’s the closest you’ve come to having a stalker?
One of my exes, man. Yeah, she took it pretty bad. I had to tell my mum to say I’d moved out and shit. She started writing letters, and sending pictures of herself – it was getting really creepy. It’s like, babe you need to move on with your life.

What have you done in your career that you’re most proud of?
You know what, there’s too many moments. One that I would say I’m probably most proud of – and it’s because of my career – is building my mum a house in Ghana. Music has given me the position to provide for my family and shit so, yeah, building my mum a house – it’s almost like a dream for everyone to do that, right?

What memory from school stands out more than anything?
Probably asking the best girl out in the school ten times and she kept saying no. I kept sending this boy to ask her for me, I was like “Go and ask her again?” She’d say no. “Go and ask her again?” She’d say no. “Well you ain’t asking her properly.” She’s say no. “Ah right, leave it for today we’ll try again tomorrow.”

Then in year eight, I dunno, I think got a new hairdo. All of a sudden she was like being my school girlfriend for the whole of school for like year 7 until year 11. So that was quite embarrassing at first, but I got my own back. I took her virginity as well, you get me?

What would be your last meal?
Chicken and Jolloff rice. Yep. Maybe some chips.

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