Have you seen the Cats trailer? If so, our deepest condolences. The thing is a horrifying, computer-generated nightmare that makes sexy Sonic, Will Smith’s Aladdin genie, and the frighteningly hyperreal Timon and Pumbaa from the new Lion King seem quaint and charming in retrospect.
These are not normal cats. They are not even normal cat humans. They are twisted, feline mutants, the kind that should be writhing on the ground and meowing pleas for a merciful death, The Fly-style, not dancing and singing about whatever Cats is about.
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But apparently, the makers of Cats really want to remember that, in spite of all that vile and cursed CG, there are still a lot of Very Famous People in the movie—and they just released a new behind-the-scenes clip to remind us all of that fact!
“If you told me I was going to get to be a cat for work—what?” Taylor Swift says in the minute-long featurette, apparently unaware of the abject horror of what her becoming a cat entails. James Cordon and Idris Elba also pop up, saying a variety of glowing things about the opportunity and the other dancers and whatever, but all the clip’s rehearsal footage begs one pretty major question: namely, why did they have to ruin this with all the CG?
Consider the facts for a second. The movie is spilling over with A-list stars. They’re rounded out by an incredibly talented team of dancers and choreographers. The whole thing is based on one of the most popular musicals of all time. The deck is stacked extremely in its favor. How could it go wrong? Oh, right. This way:
Would it really have been so hard to just put people in costumes? Was the Broadway play’s makeup really not fancy enough? Couldn’t Taylor Swift have just gone all Maureen Ponderosa instead of turning into the weird, furry beast she became? The movie would’ve been better off filming everyone in their rehearsal outfits and calling it good. Anything would be an improvement. Do not be fooled by all the familiar faces in Cats, everybody—this one is bound to be a terrifying mess.
Cats will be heading out of your nightmares and into theaters on December 20. Enjoy these final few Cats-free months while you still can.
