This Guy in Brisbane Will Draw You a Custom Dick Pic for $45

Dick pics rarely leave the recipient feeling warm and fuzzy, but that’s Brendan Pearce’s point of difference. His business Send Your Friend A Penis Drawing provides nice, thoughtful dick pics to send to loved ones, while raising money for prostate cancer.

“Most young lads draw dicks on things, but I’ve taken it further than most,” Brendan explains.

The Brisbane boy started his business in 2015 when his boss ran a challenge at their digital agency. Everyone was asked to find a way of making money from a stack of blank cards, so Brendan and his team started filling the squares with neat drawings of penises.

“I thought it would be funny and I’m a good drawer so we quickly made a website and got sales straight away. Our first sale was five minutes after posting in a university facebook group.”

They rose to the occasion and have sold more than 1,000 penis drawings since 2015, raising a grand total of $8,000 for cancer research. The illustrations range from a standard black and white print ($7.50) to a coloured print ($10), to a full-colour custom penis for $60. And then there’s the custom-order premium pic for $750, which is described as “an enormous, full-color artist’s impression of the Taj Mahal with each column and dome beautifully rendered as a penis.”

Unfortunately though, like its architectural namesake, this premium dick pic now belongs to some really rich dude.

“I had [the Taj Mahal] on the site as a gag and someone from New York bought it. I can’t reveal their name but it’s addressed to a penthouse suite to some art connoisseur who’s into high-brow art.”

While this one-of-a-kind masterpiece is already snapped up, you can still order a tailored drawing no matter how nuts your requests are. Brendan recalls a penis checking into Hotel California with a suitcase reading an erotic novel as his weirdest: “You try to imagine what the story is behind this one.”

Some other hall of famers include a penis wearing nipple tassels performing a burlesque show with a koala which was given as a prize for a bushfire relief event, while another person ordered a huge Freddie Mercury penis squashing a smaller David Bowie penis with the message “Under Pressure.”

“Some orders are pretty straightforward like a VB as a penis, you just put a logo on it whereas some you have to visualise, like once someone asked for a bald guy driving a yacht called ‘Big Dick Yacht’ drinking a glass of wine and listening to Led Zeppelin. In that case I had to create a whole scene.”

As if a personalised phallic drawing isn’t thoughtful enough, you can even add a message to complete the gift. If you need inspiration, there’s a message board with some of the notes people have sent to their loved ones: “I hope this penetrates your day in a beautiful way!” or “We know you love a great drawing!! Love dad and mum,” and their not-so-loved ones: “Dearest Fuckboi, I got you this so that you can go and fuck yourself.”

Christmas and Valentine’s Day are Brendan’s busiest periods, but the 28-year-old also receives a lot of requests for birthdays, housewarmings, and pretty much any occasion that calls for a nice little gift. It takes him anywhere from five minutes to upwards of 30 minutes for each drawing, depending on the pickiness of the request.

“I’ve developed a standard baseline sort of penis but some people ask for specific things, like they want it to be flaccid or hairy or even uncircumcised…It’s kind of weird how it’s this amorphous shape but you can capture someone’s personality from it. It’s pretty weird to see things through a penis lens.”

Like a certain something, Brendan’s business started small, even had a few bumps along the way, but eventually grew into something solid and spectacular. And there was even a time he was almost shafted while just starting out.

“I was at QUT (Queensland University of Technology) setting up a table with penis drawings and I got ribbed on by security. They sounded like disappointed fathers telling me my products were a bit inappropriate, but they eventually saw that it was all in good taste.”

And just for the record, his actual father doesn’t mind since Brendan is using his talents for charity.

“Most people I talk to are pretty much on board since it’s for a good cause and in good taste… That’s why I’m passionate to keep it going and continue donating 50 per cent of the profits.”

In a generation where wieners are crudely drawn and dick pics are frowned upon, it’s hard to see the beauty in pink pieces of meat. Our simultaneous fascination and disgust with the penis has led to a lack of appreciation and celebration of it. But you can rest assured knowing someone out there is changing the world one penis drawing at a time. And that’s what you call a happy ending.

Words by Naeun Kim. Photos by Nelson Zambrano

Also if you don’t want a dick pic, but you do like Brendan’s drawings, follow him on Instagram