Clowns are a terrifying breed, known to get drunk and brandish machetes, attack innocent bystanders with Freddy Krueger gloves, or even commit cold-blooded murder. So when an 11-year-old found himself face to face with one of the red-nosed cretins on Friday the 13th, he did what any right-minded human boy would do: beat the hell out of it with a selfie stick, ran away, and called the cops.
The encounter allegedly went down at around 6:30 AM in Deltona, Florida, the Orlando Sun-Sentinel reports. According to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office, the unnamed 11-year-old was biking to school last Friday and said he saw a harlequin leap out from behind a light pole and a set of bushes. He claims he saw a figure with blue hair, a “rainbow painted face,” a red nose, a long-sleeved green shirt, and black pants and boots.
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The tween told police the clown tried to grab him—maybe to drag him into a nearby sewer drain—which sent the kid into self-defense mode. He said he whipped out the only weapon he had on him, a metal selfie stick, and whacked the clown with it “multiple times.” He told police the Pennywise incarnate chased him for a little while before the clown tripped and fell, scrambled to his feet, and disappeared into the woods. Our hero hopped back on his bike and high-tailed it to school.
The local sheriff’s office chronicled the incident on Facebook, telling any “evil clowns and anyone considering creepy clown activity” in the area that if they find themselves on the wrong end of a selfie stick or a slingshot or whatever, “we will not be there to save you.”
Given that no one outside of this rogue 11-year-old witnessed the incident, it’s tough to prove it really went down; people have been known to lie about killer clown sightings before. Either way, the report won’t do any favors for all the innocent, professional clowns out there who can’t get any work now that everyone is terrified of them.
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