From your grandmother’s pies to your flatmate’s tin of baked beans, from a soft boiled egg to a loaf of crunchy bread, from chips to chops, potato to tomato—the world of food is a wonderful place. And there are photos of pretty much anything (yes, including that, thank you) are available right now on your small branch of the internet.
So grab a cup of beef tea, sit back, and have a scroll.
Videos by VICE
Ur ye stickin’ yer tongue it at me, pal? Dae ye want me tae wipe ‘at glaikit swatch aff yer coopon? Didnae think so.
Here’s the thing: when you come off the pill, your tits will shrink. Probably a whole cup size, if I’m honest. If they’re anything like mine they’ll start to resemble golden flame raisins with nipples. But, here’s the thing: your sex drive is going to come back like a juggernaut; like a bullet train; like an avalanche; like a fire in your loins. So, don’t worry that your tits no longer look like something that would get dusted with icing sugar and laid on someone’s pillow. Just quit moaning and start boning.
Stop the cage farming of pizza! We must let these beautiful beasts of dough and cheese roam free! Let them sleep on the grass and shit in the woods as Mother Nature intended! Break the cages! Let the pizza free!
#TFW your blackberry pudding turns out to be a pile of cold fish eggs on raw flesh.
It’s so nice when you’re cheating husband makes that one big gesture to help you know for sure that he’s banging his friend from the tennis club in your Vauxhall Astra while you work on your tax return.
“Applesauce,” “Powdered sugar,” and “Yeast” were also the nicknames my ex-boyfriend used to call me in bed.
I don’t know if that’s a leg, a parsnip or a dog toy sticking out the top, but I do know that I would definitely like to taste it.
The best seafood I think I’ve ever eaten was out of a Portakabin by a train station in Oban, after walking and camping around the Hebrides for a week. We sat in the afternoon light, our noses sunburnt and our blisters throbbing, tucking into a small polystyrene tray of crab claws, prawns, and seafood sticks. It was pure heaven.
I like that, if you scaled this up, it would be a giant brown bath full of cabbages and hand-sized chunks of ham.
Mum! Can you tell Mandy to stop flopping her disgusting dildo all over my Magna Doodle? It’s putting me off.