If I could tell my grandfather that there is a phone app that allows you to share photos of your most delightful, headily edible morsels to the whole Internet, well …
To be honest, I never met the guy, so imagine we’d have a few preliminary questions before we got to the matter of #foodporn. Namely, what it was like being an engineer in a meat works and what sexuality is. But once we got past the social niceties, I like to think that the concept would thrill him beyond words.
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Sadly, Grandad will never know the delights of scrolling a butter-smudged finger across your phone screen, absorbing recipe ideas and saliva as you go. But you, you lucky people, can.
So, here is the best in food photography uploaded to Instagram this week. What a treat.
A photo posted by Valrhona North America (@valrhonausa) on
If a circle has twice the diameter of another circle it will also have twice the circumference. This definition of π implicitly makes use of flat (Euclidean) geometry; although the notion of a circle can be extended to any curved (non-Euclidean) geometry. Oh wait, look, is that a tyre matt full of ice cream?
A photo posted by Let’s Cook Vegan (@letscookvegan) on
At my local cafe—the one where old men sit on wipe-clean seats reading the Racing Post and women in mink-coloured tights chat over frothy coffees—the veggie burger is basically a pea-flecked potato patty in a soft white roll. It’s wonderful. But it is very much in the “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” category of Instagram lunches.
A photo posted by Pete Fraser (@petefrasermusic) on
In the words of Julia Child, how can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like Kleenex? Perhaps it’s time we all tried to be a little less yanky and a little more Swedish.
This time last week, I was eating porridge out of a plastic cup, recently heated over a butane stove, made using frozen water, on the side of a snow-covered hill in the Yorkshire Dales. It was also vegan.
A photo posted by Jasmine + Melissa (@hemsleyhemsley) on
I don’t know why, but I’ve been looking at that knife and fork for entire minutes. There’s something tortuous, threatening about them that makes me want to clench my buttocks together and walk slowly out into the hallway.
A photo posted by Андрей Рудьков food&travel (@darkzip) on
My Russian isn’t what it should be, but I have a feeling that what this caption says is, “Jim, don’t punch pudding. Please. I know Mary-Sue has upset you by taking the car keys and I know your hernia is itching but, really, don’t take it out on pudding. I made that specially for Nana and she’ll know if you’ve punched it … Oh, Jim!”
Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll ever reach a level of sophisticated maturity where my leaves match my tablecloth. And then I remember that I keep all my clothes in aluminium bins from B&Q and that I water my plants using the plastic refill for the kettle.