Former President Donald Trump endorsed someone named “ERIC” for Senate in Missouri on Tuesday. But which someone named Eric?
Trump’s endorsement criteria, as always, are that the person be a “MAGA Champion” and “True Warrior” who will “fight for Border Security, Election Integrity, our Military and Great Veterans, together with having a powerful toughness on Crime and the Border.”
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But beyond that, Trump didn’t give much of an indication as to which direction he was leaning, instead allowing Missouri Republicans to choose their own adventure.
“I trust the Great People of Missouri, on this one, to make up their own minds, much as they did when they gave me landslide victories in the 2016 and 2020 Elections, and I am therefore proud to announce that ERIC has my Complete and Total Endorsement!”
Some say it’s likely he meant one of two Erics actively running for the Republican nomination for Senate: Eric Greitens, a former governor, and Eric Schmitt, the current attorney general. But I propose we cast a much wider net: Trump has not been all that opposed to endorsing unorthodox first-time candidates for statewide seats (Dr. Oz), or people who barely even live in the states they’re running to represent (also Dr. Oz). Given Trump’s notorious lack of care for details, residency requirements or even status as an active candidate probably don’t matter either.
Through this lens, Trump could have meant to endorse any one of an infinite number of ERICs, spanning the nation, the Earth, and all universes real and imagined; all those Erics waiting, patiently, for an endorsement in the Missouri Republican Senate primary. Let’s meet some of them.
Eric Schmitt, attorney general
The first Eric up is also the most likely to win Tuesday’s Senate primary: Eric Schmitt, the current attorney general of Missouri, who holds a very slim lead over both U.S. Rep. Vicky Hartzler and Eric Greitens, who we’ll get to in a minute.
The reasons Trump would endorse someone like Schmitt are obvious. Schmitt’s leading in the polls, and if there’s anything Trump hates, it’s picking a loser, which is why he hedged his bets here. Two, Trump’s legacy is that his Supreme Court picks stripped the right to an abortion from hundreds of millions of Americans, and Schmitt hates abortion.
When the Dobbs decision came down in June, Schmitt all but raced to his office to be the first attorney general to sign an order banning abortion, and he’s since announced lawsuits against Kansas City and St. Louis, which are providing financial assistance to employees seeking abortions out of state.
Otherwise, Schmitt is a pretty standard Republican, which is to say he’s a far-right conservative in the mold of his predecessor as attorney general, Josh Hawley. His campaign site commits to HOLDING CHINA ACCOUNTABLE, PROTECTING AMERICA FIRST, and FIGHT[ING] CANCEL CULTURE. Sounds like someone we know.
Also, Schmitt—like Greitens—pathetically celebrated Trump’s maybe-endorsement.
Eric Greitens, disgraced ex-governor
Greitens is a bit of a wildcard. At the moment, he’s several points behind Schmitt in the polls, and he’s by far the most likely to lose Republicans the general election in a safe red state in November: A May poll showed that while both Schmitt and Hartzler lead Democratic lawyer Lucas Kunce by double-digits, Greitens leads Kunce by just three points.
But the biggest knock against Greitens is also something Trump has in common with him: being accused of sexual assault and claiming to be exonerated. More recently, Greitens has been accused by his ex-wife of abusing their family, which has seemingly unhinged Greitens even further as he’s dropped in the polls. In June, he released an ad where he’s holding a shotgun and, along with a bunch of guys in military fatigues, says he’s going “RINO hunting.”
Another Missouri Republican called the cops on him for it, but you have to admit that it’s a pretty Trumpy ad to make. Greitens was also endorsed by Trump’s non-Eric son Don Jr. and his fiancée Kimberly Guilfoyle, as well as Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani (who posted an incredibly blurry endorsement). But all of that didn’t really matter apparently. Either way, Greitens dutifully ate the slop Trump gave him.
Eric Adams, mayor of New York City
Outside of the Erics who actually live in Missouri, Adams is probably the most likely on this list to get Trump’s endorsement. Not only is he the mayor of New York City, a role Trump has been close with in the past, but they have some of the same friends, he’s backed by big developers, and they both seem to think everything can be solved with more cops. And most of all, both guys love staging big dramatic stunts to prove some kind of useless point.
Also, residency requirements are not so much an issue with this guy.
Eric Clapton, aging rock demon
In 1976, Clapton infamously gave a virulently racist and xenophobic speech during which he said Brits should vote for a fascist candidate and that, referring to nonwhite immigrants to the United Kingdom, “we should send them all back.”
After decades of retreating from public observations on politics, though, the anti-vaxxer Clapton released a very goofy “protest song” against COVID “lockdowns” in August 2021, more than a year after anything that could reasonably be considered a “lockdown” had ended. Trump understandably might have complicated feelings about this, given his government funded development of the vaccines, but he has to admit: it plays well with the base.
Eric Schmidt, Google chairman
It’s not likely Trump would ever endorse former Google CEO Eric Schmidt, given Trump’s persistent campaign against the woke lib Marxist communists running the internet who are also billionaire capitalists letting fascist misinformation run rampant on their platforms. But it is possible that he thinks Eric Schmitt’s name is Eric Schmidt, so there is that.
Eric Gordon, shooting guard
Eric Gordon plays for the Houston Rockets, so he probably doesn’t live in Missouri, and a quick search can’t find any indication as to his political leanings. But he shot over 40% from three-point range last year, has great ball handling skills, and plays lockdown defense. He was the 2017 Sixth Man of the Year; at the very least, he’s way above replacement level in the Senate GOP caucus.
Prince Eric from ‘The Little Mermaid’
Both guys love big beautiful boats which then beautifully sink, and if you think about it, Trump has also been a “prince” of a “seaside kingdom”: Atlantic City, our modern-day Atlantis. Unfortunately, VICE News could not reach Prince Eric for comment about his policies on cancel culture and China, on account of him being a fictional character and a cartoon.
Eric Trump, son
This one’s too ridiculous to even consider.
