Considering the acts on stage usually have names like Wargasm or Bleed From Within, it’s crazy what you see at hard rock festivals. At the Download and 2000Trees festival sites this summer, we were struck by the sheer number of loved-up mosher couples wandering the sun-scorched earth in matching outfits, holding one other’s hair as they spewed behind the bogs.
We pinned down the smuggest pairs we could find and quizzed them on the secrets of love.
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Karina, 35 and Jeff, 34
VICE: How long have you both been together?
J: Eight months ago we went on a first date to a horror theme park, where you go into the haunted mazes, and they scare the shit out of you.
So the fear of death brought you together.
J: I think it enhanced our relationship immediately.
Do you have ‘a song’ yet?
J: We have a song we… enjoy together.
K: Which one?
J: Motley Crue, “Home Sweet Home”. It’s because of Hot Tub Time Machine, which we’ve watched like nine times together.
Wait, so you’ve watched it every single month you’ve been together?
J: We watch it often.
Joshua, 23, and Cody, 19
VICE: How long have you been together?
Cody: We met at Wetherspoons where we both work two years ago.
Do you remember the first time you said, “I love you”?
C: I think it was over text, which is quite cringe. But I knew very quickly that I liked this man. I didn’t fart around him.
What advice would you give to other couples?
C: A lot of people try too hard.
Thomas, 26 and Alice, 27
VICE: How long have you been together?
[Both]: A year!
Yeah?
[Both again]: Yeah!
What was your first date?
T: We knew each other for two years before we started going ‘out out’. We were planning out a podcast one evening about: ‘When a nuke fell on Fashiontown’.
What was that about?
A: It was about a world called ‘Fashiontown’ that got nuked.
T: But the nuke didn’t really do anything, it just made things weirder. And we just talked absolute nonsense about this for hours.
Sounds great. What advice would you give to other couples?
T: Be silly and gracious.
Daniel, 39 and Laura, 29
VICE: How long have you been together?
Laura: Married for nearly a year, but five years total.
And where did you meet?
Daniel: We’re both school teachers, so at work. Our first date was a Bowling For Soup show around Christmas. Actually, it might have been Slipknot. All the patches on our jackets are the bands we’ve seen together.
I love the jackets.
L: They were made for our wedding. We wore them for our first dance.
What was the song?
L: We danced to “Song 3” by Corey Taylor, and we had patches made from lyrics to the song. It really resonated with us.
D: Every line is us.
What dating advice would you give to other moshers in love?
L: He’s more pop punk and I’m more glam metal, but we’re both happy to go watch the bands we’re each into.
Amy, 29 and Joe, 33
VICE: How long have you been together?
Joe: Seven and a half years.
What was your first date?
J: Breakfast after a night out.
Amy: We were both really hungover and craving fried food, so we ended up eating breakfast at 3 p.m. in the afternoon.
What advice would you give to other couples?
J: Chill out, and/or grow up.
A: You don’t have to live in each other’s pockets. Just chill out. If you trust and love the other person then it’s easy.
Tori, 24 and Callum, 25
VICE: How long have you been together?
Tori: Not long, like a month or two?
Has anyone said the L word?
T: Yeah, straight away.
That’s quite quick?
Callum: We just knew. It was the second time we hung out.
T: We went partying again, we like a party. And we haven’t really left each other since.
C: We’re inseparable now.
T: We got a cat together. He’s the cat dad.
What’s your advice to those looking for love?
T: Every bad thing is a lesson that will lead you to the right place. If I hadn’t gone through the bad things, then I wouldn’t have found him. And I’m so grateful for it all.
Bhavandeep, 35 and James, 35
VICE: How long have you been together?
Bhavandeep: Fifteen years!
What advice would you give to other couples?
James: A long-term relationship is a decision you make every day. The secret to it is not giving up on it. It’s not always easy—there’s better times and there’s harder times—but the secret is staying on the same team and pushing in the same direction.
B: A healthy dose of mockery is always good, too.
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Children at the Friedrichshof Commune dance with renowned artist Joseph Beuys. Inka, aged four, holds his right hand.