We Asked The 1975 Fans About Their Weirdest Online Relationships

Online relationships don’t always go as planned. One minute you’re having a lovely conversation with a guy about post-1920s avant-garde Russian theatre, the next he’s sent you a flash-on picture of his dick. Or maybe you go back to a guy’s house after a Tinder date hoping for some red wine, a Louis Theroux documentary and a bit of sex, only to find you’ve done a massive shit that won’t flush down the toilet. You try to lob it out the window but it gets stuck in the gap between the double glazing. Days later you watch him on This Morning discussing the trauma of the incident with Holly Willoughby.

Funny thing is, the way everything is going, online relationships are only going to get weirder. Soon we will be fondling three-boobed cyborgs called Mimi who we 3D-printed out of our own laptops. A group of people who perhaps know a lot about virtual romance is The 1975. The band’s new album An Inquiry into Online Relationships features interludes from a male Siri narrating a story about a man called @SnowflakeSmasher86 who fell in love with ‘the internet’: “You can go on his Facebook”. As well as a couple who can’t stop compulsively messaging each other: “You text that boy sometimes / Must be more than three times”.

With all that in mind, I decided to chat to some fans of The 1975 ahead of their gig at the O2 about some of their weirdest online relationships. Partly because they’re probably into that stuff, but mainly because we’re nosey and like poking into other people’s business.

“Some guy wanted me to sell my knickers to him.”

Noisey: What the weirdest online relationship you’ve ever had?
Henita: I don’t use social media, I have 0 followers on Twitter. It looks like a fake account. I have nothing to say and nothing to share. And if I did have something to say, I would just call my mate, what is the point in yelling into the void?
Megan: Same. I am not one for Facebook updates, I am not one for pictures, I am always just removing them tags.

So you wouldn’t message a guy on Tinder then?
Hentia: Oh Tinder is different, Tinder is a way to meet someone. Some guy wanted me to sell my knickers to him.

For how much?
Henita: The guy asked how much I wanted and I was really drunk with my flatmate and he was like ‘say something ridiculous like 300’ and so I said £300 and the guy was like ‘yeah’.

Did you send them?
Hentia: Hell no. My flatmate was like honestly give me a pair of your knickers and I will wear them.

Would you rather talk to someone online or in person?
Henita: In person. I have never met you, and I feel comfortable enough talking to you now. But when it’s online, you’re basically talking in front of hundreds of people. Imagine if all the people around us were watching our conversation now.
Megan: I get so stressed as well when someone I respect messages me something funny, it takes me so long to think of a good response.

“He keeps asking whether I am coming to his Dad’s 60th.”

What the weirdest online relationship you’ve ever had?
Alice: This guy keeps messaging me saying he wants to be with me and it’s like… we met once for an hour in a cafe. It’s well harsh but I wanted to leave so I told him my nan was in hospital. He wants to book a holiday to Venice and he keeps asking whether I am coming to his Dad’s 60th. He looked really fit in his picture but in real life he was butters; he looks like Rag ‘n’ Bone Man.

Molly: He keeps saying ‘we are meant to be, can’t you see how happy you are when you’re with me?’

Intense.
Alice: This other girl I work with is always selling pictures of her feet to this guy. She’s getting up to £100 a picture. He likes it when she curls them around other objects, he has sent her a load of socks he wants her to wear. That’s the sort of weird online relationship I want.

“I have met every single one of my friends online.”

What the weirdest online relationship you’ve ever had?
Katha: We actually all met online on The 1975’s Facebook fan groups. We all met in person last year on their tour.

Were you all how you thought you would be in real life?
Jess: No, Katha was so intimidating at first.
Katha: I thought you were intimidating. On the internet they were all really cute and nice but in person I was like ‘ah shit, they’re so cool’. They were serving up serious resting bitch face.
Jose: I have met every single one of my friends online.

All of them? How many friends do you have?
Jose: Hundreds.

Is it better finding friends online do you reckon?
Jose: Yeah it is much easier to find people who you have mutual interests with.

How long do you spend messaging people online?
Katha: I’d say 12 hours a day. Half my friends live in different countries so it takes up a lot of the time to keep in touch with them. Sometimes it is so awkward when you meet someone and they don’t actually talk in person.

Have you had any weird Tinder relationships?
Jose: A lot of the time on Tinder people take it way too far and it’s like… please stop messaging me. I can’t stand the question marks.

“It was a good year before we met for the first time.”

Noisey: What the weirdest online relationship you’ve ever had?
Charlotte: I met my boyfriend [online]. He’s from Lancashire and I am from Portsmouth, so four and a half hours away. It was a good year before we met for the first time. I Facetimed him a lot before meeting up to make sure he wasn’t a 50-year-old man who would keep me hostage in his basement.

FaceTiming a stranger is quite intense, I can only do that with people I am really close with because otherwise I feel really awkward.
I was just ruthless when I was younger. I didn’t care about anything. I don’t even look at people in the eye anymore.

Did you have any alarm bells before you’d met IRL?
We was literally still in school so we were 16. He just had lots of photos of his dog. But it’s the guys who have cars as their profile picture that you need to be wary of.

Boys are so bad at taking pictures of themselves aren’t they?
Yeah, when you send their profile down the group chat you have to be like TRUST he’s fit in person. He doesn’t always hold a fish he’s just caught.

“You can send yourself mad trying to unpack the meanings, but it’s like, guys, we are not reading The Odyssey.”

What is your weirdest online relationship?
Peter: I haven’t had a weird online relationship, I’m was too young for MSN. BBM was pretty popping for a while but I didn’t have a Blackberry. It was actually a pretty elitist social platform, it was hard to get into the BBM gang if your parents wouldn’t get you that phone.
James: But we are part of The 1975 fan groups.

What sort of relationships do people have on the 1975 fan groups?
James: They chat about really arbitrary stuff. They expect everyone to share their favourite song and then get annoyed if they choose a song they don’t agree with. I don’t get “Antichrist” and they love it, but I don’t kick off at them.

Do you enjoy online relationships?
Peter: No because you can’t gage the level of reciprocation.
Mark: You interpret direct messages in the tone that you want it to be in. You can send yourself mad trying to unpack the meanings, but it’s like, guys, we are not reading The Odyssey. If I’m in a bad mood, something sounds blunt and cutting. In another, she’s flirty and suggestive.
Peter: Today my friend showed me a text and asked me ‘from a guys’ perspective, what does this mean?’ I was like ‘it means what it means’. She had been talking to this guy about girls slapping boys and she was like ‘I have never slapped a guy’ and he was like ‘I guess i’ll be the first’. She thought it was flirty, but it was obviously just banter.

“This guy took my picture and made a fake Facebook and used it to try and get with girls.”

Noisey: What the weirdest online relationship you’ve ever had?
Tristan: This guy took my picture and made a fake Facebook and used it to try and get with girls. We had to contact the police.

Wtf, weird. Do you think you’re more interesting online or in person?
Tristan: Online. You have time to think of a funny response. When I am trying to impress someone I brainstorm. Does that count as catfishing? You meet up in person and actually your chat is dead.

Got any weird Tinder stories?
Lydia: Um, we’re together.
Tristan: Jokes if she was like ‘yeah! I’m texting this buff guy from Kent’.

“Some anonymous person claimed she had given me a blowjob.”

Noisey: What is your weirdest online relationship?
Jake: When we were growing up there were lots of school gossip accounts like Ask.fm. One of my friends and I were put on it and some anonymous person claimed she had given me a blowjob. It wasn’t true.

A hundred percent she wrote that herself cause she fancied you and wanted to measure your response.
Hannah: Yeah maybe she just really, really wanted to give you a blowjob.

Has the online world helped your relationships?
Jake: It’s great for when you meet someone, say on a school trip or something, and to sort of nurture that relationship. Then when you hang out again in person you know more about what that person is into and what they want to talk about.
Kian: It’s annoying when people just wanna chat like ‘wuu2?’ and shit for hours everyday. But then again me and Rhia met in real life and that didn’t stop her from longing me out. It might not be the internet’s fault.

“I met someone on Twitter… we met up and had sex in a forest”

Noisey: What is your weirdest online relationship?
Lucy: I had a boyfriend on MSN for like two minutes cause he just kept pinging me and it was too much. You know when it used to shake the screen? It annoyed me so much that I dumped him. He was a random add. I was like ‘this isn’t going to work’.
Danielle: I met someone on Twitter, I really fancied him, we met up and had sex in a forest and then never spoke again.

“This guy who told everyone I was his girlfriend even though we had only met once.”

What is your weirdest online relationship?
Ayesha: I get lots of old men adding me on Facebook and messaging me saying ‘hey’. Once this guy flirting with me on Twitter but it turned out he was messaging Rosie too and I was like ‘do you know Rosie is my friend?’

Have you ever found true love online?
Ayesha: Me and my boyfriend went to school together but he messaged me on Facebook a year after we had graduated saying: ‘don’t you think space is cool?’ and I replied: ‘yeah space is cool’. We have been together ever since.
Rosie: The closest I ever got was this guy who told everyone I was his girlfriend even though we had only met once. A lot of people have pictures of his penis.

I feel like nudes are way more common now? No one is as paranoid anymore.
Rosie: Yeah. they just get sent around everywhere now.
Ayesha: I often don’t put my face in them but that’s more cause I’ll have no makeup on rather than I am scared of being identified. When guys are like ‘send me a pic x’ and you’re all red faced and swollen cause you just got out the bath… it’s a nightmare.

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