Theresa May: “Bit boring, like.” Image via
Names and identifying details have been changed to protect privacy.
I teach at a prison. Recently, I was given the task of supervising the music class on their weekly trip to the prison’s central library. I’ve taught a few of the prisoners in this group before and they’re mostly pretty clued-up on politics; I decide to ask them what they think about the current Conservative Party leadership election, and which one of the candidates—if any—they would prefer to see as the next Prime Minister.
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ET TU, BRUTE?
Marcus, 35, is back in prison for breaking the conditions of his probation, and this means he will serve the remaining six months of his sentence for selling coke and MDMA behind bars. This has been his first time inside for over a decade, and he is adamant he won’t be returning—though he credits his first sentence in his early twenties as being a big part of the reason he began to take an interest in politics. “I was two-ed up with this posh lad, uni boy, and all that, got me right into it. Always banging on about Tony fucking Blair!”
I ask Marcus what he makes of Gove, who dramatically and perhaps (or perhaps not) unexpectedly put an end to Boris Johnson’s own leadership bid before choosing to run himself. “Yeah, made the big boss move innit. That made me laugh. It’s like, take that Boris.” Marcus is making a stabbing motion with his hand, the rest of the class laughing and joining in. Does Marcus think that this is a legitimate move, one that enhances Gove’s reputation in his eyes? “Yeah man, politics ain’t a kid’s game, it’s dog eat dog. You think Putin’s going to be playing fair? Or whoever’s in charge of China? We need a leader with a bit of dirty bastard in him, someone who’ll do whatever’s needed to protect our interests.”
Marcus’ preferred PM: Gove
BUSINESS SMARTS
Glen, 46, has been sentenced to 18 months for various counts of fraudulent activity in his previous office job. Given the nature of his offence, and the fact this is his first time in prison, he’s expecting to be transferred to an open jail in the coming weeks. Unlike many of the prisoners I teach, Glen tells me that he has voted at every single opportunity since he turned 18. A proud Brexiteer, he was disappointed not to be able to vote in the EU Referendum, but is clearly happy with the outcome. “The arrogance of the Remainers well and truly bit them on the arse. Cameron should be ashamed of himself, he’s no better than Blair… cut from the same cloth those two. Pack your bags, the public have spoken.”
It’s evident that Glen is pretty passionate about Brexit, and I ask whether he thinks the next Tory leader needs to be a pro-Brexit Prime Minister. “Of course they bloody do! I wouldn’t trust any of the remainers as far as I could throw them. You can’t have May. Gove’s not suitable for it, but he’d make a damn good foreign secretary. That Angela Leadsom…” Glen picks up a copy of the Daily Mail and points lustfully at a picture of Leadsom. With some trepidation I ask what he sees in the MP for South Northamptonshire. “Proper City background, knows her business. Doesn’t take any crap from anyone. Bit of a young Maggie [Thatcher] about her.”
I press Glen on Leadsom’s background in finance. Should we be trusting someone who allegedly is planning on reducing corporation tax even further than George Osbourne should she become Prime Minister? “Typical leftie. We’ve got a chance to be a world leader again, led by a stunning example of a woman, and you’re crying about businesses booming? Do me a favour.”
Glen’s preferred PM (and future wife): Leadsom
AMBIVALENCE AND APATHY
Pete, 30, is serving an eight-month sentence for theft. He has two further charges hanging over him and expects to be sentenced again before he is released. This is his 16th time in prison. “I’ve never voted, I always seem to be in here when elections come around anyway,” he laughs.
Pete tells me he remembers Theresa May from a couple of BBC Breakfast appearances. “Bit boring, like. Didn’t seem very friendly either.” I ask whether this is important to him, perhaps more important that what her policies might be. “Dunno really. I mean that Boris would have been a laugh at least. Or Farage. They’re more my kind of people. I can’t imagine going for a pint with her [Theresa May].”
I shouldn’t be surprised by this, I’ve often heard prisoners talking about how “normal” both Johnson and Farage seem. In truth, Pete is more or less totally ambivalent about who the new Tory leader is. It seems he’s pretty happy to go with what he’s given. “End of the day, it’s not really up to people like us is it? They’ll vote for who they want in and we can vote at the election. Unless we’re banged up!”
Pete’s preferred PM: None
TORY LAD
Antony, 20, is serving a six-month sentence for assaulting his sister-in-law at a house party. It’s his third time in prison and each stretch has revolved around m-cat binges, his girlfriend, and an inability to control his temper.
I ask Antony what he thinks of the leadership candidates. “Don’t give a fuck, mate. Only good one was Boris. Swear down he’s a proper, proper caner. Lad!” Right, that’s great, but isn’t it a bit weird that he led the leave campaign and has now effectively disowned it? Isn’t that really irresponsible? “Nah bro, he just wanted to fuck shit up. He’s bare gonna make loads of dollar off this. Lad! Lad! Laaaaaad!”
Antony’s preferred PM: None / Johnson
§
Before we leave the library, the whole group does a vote on the preferred option for Tory leader and by extension next Prime Minister. Excluding the candidates who have since dropped out or been eliminated, the results place Michael Gove in first place, followed by Theresa May, with Angela Leadsom in third. Opinion polls seem to be increasingly unreliable, but the apparent truth is that any one of those three is a pretty scary proposition for the British public.
More times we asked prisoners what they think about stuff:
What Do Prisoners Think About Brexit?
What Do Serving Prisoners Think About Proposals To Let Them Out During the Week?
