When Did Katy Perry Become Woke? An Investigation

Image via Twitter

UPDATE: Well, Katy Perry has answered this frustrating conundrum and…both her actions and her words are deafeningly clear. We guess she is so comfortable, she cannot see the trouble, the trouble. God, this is foolish.

Katy Perry recently changed her Twitter bio, which—I can’t even believe I even have to tell you this—is a huge event. It now sharply reads: “Artist. Activist. Conscious.” Bold! Katy Perry has either gained sentience, or she is on the Woke Train. Celebrities these days see what kind of social justice event or activity they can insert their brand into. Perry is not immune to this but, despite the foolish ways some have attempted to be socially and politically conscious, she is still striving for some good here.

When did Katy Perry get this ~~woke~~ conscious? Maybe she has always been! In-between her pop career and dating people like John Mayer and Russell Brand, and paddle boarding with Orlando Bloom’s dick, Perry became infuriated with the world and she needed to make a change. She is conscious now! I mean, she absolutely wasn’t unconscious before. Unless maybe she was and we’ve been singing along with an astral projection of Perry this entire time—she’s transcendental, on another level, supernatural and extraaaaaaaaaterrestrial. But the point is she wants us to know that, if we’re going to define her as or by anything, it should be for her political and existential awakening. But is Katy Perry only conscious now or were there hints all along. We investigate.

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Katy Perry Kissed A Girl

Looking back at Perry’s pop smash “I Kissed A Girl” was revolutionary to some… in 2008. Kissing whomever you want is something that certainly had at the very least some supporters then and we’d like to think most people are at least by-and-large super supportive of now. Needless to say her subversive pop take on kissing women and making it a point that she liked it is a lil’ stupid but bolstered the normalcy of same gendered coupling. It is also iconic for ruffling a few feathers and catapulting her career into something far more tangible than her prior work as Backup Singer for P.O.D. Though she did also make the song “Ur So Gay”, which cracks the thin veneer of her pro-LGBTQ views so dock one point.

‘Conscious’ Score: 2.5/5

Russell Brand and Katy Perry were married once but also he made a song called “African Child” for the movie Get to Him The Greek. They divorced.

Take from that what you will.

Conscious Score: 5/5

Consciously Uncoupling from Taylor Swift

The Taylor Swift/Katy Perry blood feud is truly one for the ages. Legend has it that Perry and Swift were once friends; a proto-Squad if you will. Somewhere around 2012/2013, Perry and Swift’s friendship eroded when Perry allegedly stole dancers from Swift’s Red tour for her Prism tour (clearly an early indication of her interest in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs), among other allegedly petty things.

However, Perry decided to take the higher plane to existence; proving simply that using coded language and subtweets are the path to enlightenment. In addition to sensing Swift’s inner ‘problematicism‘ from early on. That is, a spineless feminist who is also an opportunist. Truly, how much of a good person can you be if you name your album 1989, the same year when George Bush Sr. became President of the United States. Only Perry knew.

‘Conscious’ Score: 3/5

Thank You Based Katy

In the year of our BasedGod 2014, Lil B released the song “Katy Perry,” which prompted the real Perry to ask Lil B to prom. While interacting with Lil B didn’t make her instantly #based, (Lil B only knows the BasedGod and also bears a strong resemblance to him, the mistake is easy to make) Perry is also not fake-based, which makes her an honorary #TaskForce member and an achiever of a kind of consciousness beyond what most humans will ever comprehend. (We don’t know what any of these words mean either).

Based Level: 30 Thousand 100 Million/5

Katy Perry Goes Naked In the Name of Democracy, Loves Hillary Clinton

Politics in our time is special because access to information is, theoretically, much easier. We can have robust debates and meme every single fucking thing or read fake news. For Funny or Die, Perry did a campaign commercial, telling everyone it was okay to go to the polls in whatever state you may be in, because the Constitution doesn’t say how you have to look to vote. I’m Canadian and have never read the American Constitution so I can’t confirm but likely most Americans haven’t either so everyone is uninformed here. Anyway, Perry eventually ends up naked and the gag is you can’t be publicly naked but you should still vote. Not 100 percent sure what this means for us in a democratic sense but if you’re naked, you are for sure not bound to materialism, proving that Perry is actually anti-capitalist and Bernie should have won?

‘Conscious’ Score: 4/5

Katy Perry’s Twitter Timeline

Time—according to the wokest of them all, Matthew McConaughey—is a flat circle. We started at Perry’s Twitter and we’re back here again. If one was to take a cruise through Ms. Perry’s TL (and certainly, we do co-sign this), one would be able to see the evolution of Perry’s fury taking precedence over the minute aspects of life or, say, her career. The last half of 2016 features a push for Hillary Clinton’s win and a few motivating tweets after Trump’s actual win.

In January we saw the final push for Conscious Perry to make her ascension. For reasons unbeknownst to mankind, consciousness in music was a designation for a type of rap that was enlightened—a way of telling dumb people their music was smart. Katy Perry is doing that same moniker for pop and now with her upcoming single we will see the emergence of: ‘Conscious Pop.’

‘Conscious’ Score: 5/5