Which Home Workout Is the Best? Not the One Involving Your Cat

If I’ve learned anything about the coronavirus these past few weeks it’s that it’s remarkably easy to sink in the couch and waste away when you can’t leave the house.

Experts have pretty much all hailed the importance of exercise during this time of self-isolation. It will help you feel better about your situation, regulate your mood, and so on.

I consider myself a relatively active guy who could lose 10 pounds—possibly a bit more now because of a quarantine diet. In The Before Time, most of my exercise came from a mixture of rock climbing and gym workouts (each 2 to 3 times a week).

Without a wall to climb or a bench press to chuck weight to the sky I decided to workout at home and booted up the ol’ internet to see what was on offer.

I found an almost intimidating number of home workouts online. So many, in fact, that people may need a hero to rise up and sort the good from the bad. And who better to be that hero than a mildly out of shape guy who has way too much time on his hands? So, utilizing my time stuck inside for the good of humanity, I tried out seven workouts—some pretty useful, some involving dancing or a cat—and did my best to give them a rating for my kind, sweet readers.

How To Adjust Training & Diet For Coronavirus + At Home Workouts (No Equipment Needed!)

Duration: 20 minutes

What a better place to start than with a workout specifically aimed at people stuck at home because of the coronavirus? This one, taught by Jeff Nippard, has been viewed over a million and a half times on YouTube.

“First of all, there is no need to panic about losing your gains,” Nippard reassures me at the start.

Thanks, Jeff! Nippard’s exercises are pretty basic, and include a lot of furniture: your couch or coffee table to do inverted push-ups, elevated sit ups, and a variety of lunges. He instructs us to pick four and do a full-body workout.

This was a fine workout. Because it was the first leg workout in a while it left me rather sore the next day. Very middle of the road and shows you what you can do in your living space if you have enough room.

Rating: 6/10

Dance, part one: Free Instagram Live Class With Debbie Allen

Duration: 40 minutes

I am the typical white man who can’t dance worth shit.

I only really dance when I’m a very particular drunk (a certain mix of the right setting, booze, and people). The last time I went out dancing with da boys, in 2016, I hurt myself cutting a rug to Talking Heads.

Despite my ineptitude, my editors wanted me to do some dance workouts for this story, I think mainly to watch me dance. They are bad people, but they are my bosses. So I danced.

One of my editors sent me a link to a live class by Debbie Allen, a choreographer whom I’ve never heard of but is well-respected in the musical theatre community (she won an Emmy for Fame in the 80s.) I wasn’t able to film this one because it was shown on Instagram Live and I had to watch it on my phone (my primary quarantine camera).

It was pretty fun, actually, even though I sucked mightily at it. On one hand, I’m sure I looked like a complete ass to the person whom I caught watching me from the sidewalk, and on the other, Allen is pretty killer at keeping you pumped up and going.

But while I did enjoy her telling me to “hug the world” (a particular dance move where you extend your arms and, uh, hug the world) I didn’t get that much of a sweat on.

Overall if you’re bored, and enjoy moving about and dancing to 80s music, you might as well try this. But if you’re looking for a good workout I dunno if this is for you.

Rating: 6/10

HOW TO WORKOUT WITH YOUR CAT!

Duration: as long as your cat will put up with your shit (AND NOT A SECOND LONGER)

I have a remarkably chill cat, Poe, who is super stoked I’m home so much, so I thought I would find a workout we could do together.

Unfortunately, the video that promised me how to do it was just an annoyingly handsome man lifting his cat in the air while doing different exercises. It was a joke but I did not care.

So I got Poe and started with the squats.

Then some curls.

Finally, a modified bench to work on my lats.

Then Poe got fed up, wanted to be put down and I, as I always do, did as he wanted. Not only did I feel like I was being a jerk to my cat I also didn’t get that sick pump I’ve been seeking.

Would not recommend it.

Rating: 2/10

Dancing workout, part two: tWitch dance routine to Good Kid, M.A.A.D City

Duration: 40 minutes

After not getting footage of myself dancing, my editors sent me another dancing video. This one was a hip hop routine taught by So You Think You Can Dance’s tWitch, and set to “Good Kid, M.A.A.D City” by Kendrick Lamar. I like the song so I thought I would enjoy this and that it would be like the other dance where I would feel goofy but would have fun.

This was so much of a confidence destroyer that I didn’t even have fun.

The routine was so far above my skill level it wasn’t even close. It was like my editors gave me one taekwondo class and made me go fight 1980s Jean-Claude Van Damme. I could barely follow along for the most basic steps and when they were strung together, I got lost and my body kinda just gave up.

In terms of a workout, it would be OK if you could keep up but if you can’t you just feel bad about yourself.

Rating: 7/10 if you can dance, 0/10 if you’re me.

Hockey Stickhandling + Core Training

Duration: 9 minutes to 20 minutes

I’m a good farm boy who misses the NHL season something fierce, so I decided to see if I could use a hockey stick to work off my sorrow.

First I found a video that mixes stickhandling with a core workout— a minute of stickhandling followed by a minute of crunches or sit ups. Pretty straightforward stuff.

It wasn’t too bad but I didn’t get the full-body burn I was hoping for. It was short, very specific and just kinda felt like you should just use it to supplement a full workout.

So I busted out my duct tape, hockey stick, and a couple of free weights. I taped some weights to the bottom of the hockey stick, grabbed a tennis ball, and did some stickhandling. It worked out my triceps but not much else, so I decided to try and turn my hockey stick, chair, couch, and two more weights into a modified bench press.

That was stupid, wasn’t it? Don’t do this.

Rating of my official video: 4/10

Rating of my modified workout: 1/10

Full Body Prison Workout Guaranteed to get You SHREDDED

Duration: 20 minutes

If you’ve compared your self-isolation to prison, you’re in luck: There are quite a few prison-style workouts online. After going through the options, almost all taught by massive tattooed men who could turn me into mush with a single glance, I decided to go with Mike Gunz’s video because I’d love to be a shredded boy.

Now, Gunz is an… intimidating fellow. He runs the channel Felony Muscles, and is a bodybuilder and apparently an ex-con.

Gunz explains he used to do this workout in his cell. It starts with four sets of 20 push-ups, 15 squats, and 15 burpees. Then you do three sets of lunges (10 each leg) and sprints. Following that are three sets of pushups. Then some chin-ups (I don’t have a bunk to rip chinnies on so I did some crunches, tricep dips, and pushups instead.

I was murdered at the end of this one.

This was a hell of a workout especially after the hockey and the dancing. It feels like it won’t be a lot when you start it but at the end of the fourth of exercises, set you feel destroyed and then you have to just keep going cause you don’t want Mr. Gunz to get mad at you.

Gunz is also actually pretty entertaining. He does a voiceover over footage of himself working out. He shit talks himself for getting tired early, complains about how some people don’t believe he does the full sets, and ruminates on how defined his back looks during chin-ups. I wasn’t able to find out why Gunz went to prison but I hope it’s nothing too bad cause I kinda like the guy.

Rating: 8/10

PE With Joe

Duration: 30 minutes

Let’s switch gears in grand style, from a prison workout to an at-home phys-ed workout for kids. Joe Wicks runs a YouTube channel called Body Coach TV and has 3.2 million followers on Instagram. He was due to start a tour of U.K. schools to promote fitness, but it got cancelled because of the coronavirus. So he decided to livestream PE classes every weekday at 9 a.m. local time for kids whose schools have closed.

I decided to use a video from his first livestream on March 23.

Oddly, the workout is not all that far off from Gunz’s prison workout—but less intense and with a far less terrifying backstory. We do some high-intensity interval training involving jumping jacks, shadow boxing, squats, and running on the spot.

I know this is for kids but I was sweating pretty good at the end of this one.

Honestly, this would be boring but Wicks is so goddamn likeable and upbeat. At the start of the class he said he always wanted to be a PE teacher and now he kinda feels like he is. He talks to you so much that the half-hour workout moves quickly and his conversational style kinda kills the loneliness of workouts at home.

Probably going to continue doing this one as quarantine drags out.

Rating: 8/10

Conclusion

Just do whatever workout you want. This is a stressful time and you shouldn’t add to your stress with the burden of forcing yourself to exercise.

That said if you are looking for something, a mix of Joe Wicks and Mike Gunz might do ya right.

Follow Mack Lamoureux on Twitter .