This article was originally published on VICE Netherlands.Visiting an abortion clinic can be a challenging experience – and that’s without the added trauma of the pro-life protesters outside calling you a murderer or damning you to hell.Last year, Eva de Goeij encountered some of those protesters when she visited a clinic in The Hague. In response, she launched the “Abortion Buddies” project, in collaboration with feminist organisation De Bovengrondse, to offer safety and support to anyone who needs to visit a clinic in the Netherlands.
Advertisement
Last year, 11 Dutch abortion clinics reported an increase of anti-abortion demonstrators protesting outside. Local counties have tried to establish buffer zones to separate patients from protesters, but the protesters often ignore them. “They are right in front of the door, and the police do nothing about it,” says Gerrit Zomerdijk, director of a clinic in Rotterdam.The Abortion Buddies’ project now has 22 buddies on call, and patients can either choose their own buddy via a website or put in a request at their chosen clinic. Famke, 27, is one of those buddies. I spoke to her about her role, dealing with protestors and why this work is so important to her.VICE: Why did you decide to become a buddy?
Famke: Firstly, I believe that no one should be alone in such a vulnerable situation. There are so many reasons why someone decides not to tell anyone they’re having an abortion, or why they don’t have someone who can offer support. But I’ll go with you. You can tell me about it, and I won’t judge.I also realised that I want to speak up against anti-abortion protesters. That’s what initially motivated me. But later on, I discovered it’s much more important that someone doesn’t go through the process alone.I know the route [into the clinic], first to the front desk and then up the stairs, so that’s comforting for them. Then I wait until the initial consultation or procedure is finished. Because of corona, I now wait outside.
Famke: Firstly, I believe that no one should be alone in such a vulnerable situation. There are so many reasons why someone decides not to tell anyone they’re having an abortion, or why they don’t have someone who can offer support. But I’ll go with you. You can tell me about it, and I won’t judge.I also realised that I want to speak up against anti-abortion protesters. That’s what initially motivated me. But later on, I discovered it’s much more important that someone doesn’t go through the process alone.I know the route [into the clinic], first to the front desk and then up the stairs, so that’s comforting for them. Then I wait until the initial consultation or procedure is finished. Because of corona, I now wait outside.
Advertisement
What are the anti-abortion protesters like in Rotterdam?
In Rotterdam, it’s usually one person, or the same family, who show up in a van. As far as I know, none of the buddies have gotten into a confrontation with them. Before I head to the appointment, I always ride by the clinic on my bicycle to check if they’re there – just so I know what I, and the person I’m accompanying, should prepare for.Have you been trained for potential confrontations?
We had a few training sessions with professional actors who played the protesters. We played around to see what words or behaviours create a space in which the protesters might either say something or come closer.We learned that it’s always better to stay calm and say: “OK, you’re getting too close now, I want you to take a step back.” We also spoke to abortion clinic staff and gynaecologists, who taught us how to stay neutral in our interactions. We always have to remain neutral.
In Rotterdam, it’s usually one person, or the same family, who show up in a van. As far as I know, none of the buddies have gotten into a confrontation with them. Before I head to the appointment, I always ride by the clinic on my bicycle to check if they’re there – just so I know what I, and the person I’m accompanying, should prepare for.Have you been trained for potential confrontations?
We had a few training sessions with professional actors who played the protesters. We played around to see what words or behaviours create a space in which the protesters might either say something or come closer.We learned that it’s always better to stay calm and say: “OK, you’re getting too close now, I want you to take a step back.” We also spoke to abortion clinic staff and gynaecologists, who taught us how to stay neutral in our interactions. We always have to remain neutral.
Famke in front of an abortion clinic in Rotterdam.
I can imagine that’s difficult when a protester suddenly comes towards you.
During the training, I noticed that when an actor-demonstrator started yelling, it really stressed me out. I wanted to argue with all my being. I thought to myself: ‘It’s important that I’m aware of this, because I have to put my own emotions aside if I want to escort someone to the clinic safely.’ A day like that can already be so full of emotion.What are you supposed to do when a protester says terrible things to you?
I’m meant to seem, and to be, undisturbed. There are plenty of tricks to help, like linking arms to feel stronger together – another thing that’s no longer possible due to the coronavirus, by the way. In the training sessions, the screaming could be pretty intimidating, but at the same time we all felt some kind of primal power arising in us, because we were so aware of what we were doing there and who we were doing it for. In a moment like that, you’re just thinking: ‘I want [the patient] to get inside as quickly as possible,’ so you notice it less.
During the training, I noticed that when an actor-demonstrator started yelling, it really stressed me out. I wanted to argue with all my being. I thought to myself: ‘It’s important that I’m aware of this, because I have to put my own emotions aside if I want to escort someone to the clinic safely.’ A day like that can already be so full of emotion.What are you supposed to do when a protester says terrible things to you?
I’m meant to seem, and to be, undisturbed. There are plenty of tricks to help, like linking arms to feel stronger together – another thing that’s no longer possible due to the coronavirus, by the way. In the training sessions, the screaming could be pretty intimidating, but at the same time we all felt some kind of primal power arising in us, because we were so aware of what we were doing there and who we were doing it for. In a moment like that, you’re just thinking: ‘I want [the patient] to get inside as quickly as possible,’ so you notice it less.
Advertisement
Famke in front of the clinic, with anti-abortion protesters in the background.
What happens after the procedure?
After she leaves the clinic, we talk for a little bit. How did it go, were the staff friendly? I'm using the pronoun “she”, but anyone with a uterus could get pregnant. We’re also in touch with a car service, so if someone doesn’t feel physically well after the procedure I can request a cab to take them home, or if they’re feeling really tense we can go sit down somewhere and have a drink.Do you stay in touch after that?
That depends on whether they make another appointment after the initial consultation. Just because I go with someone [for a consultation], doesn’t mean there will be an actual abortion. That’s always up to them, and them alone. Sometimes they go and get the information, only to decide they don’t want to do it after all. That’s fine.If there’s no second appointment scheduled, that’s the last time I see them. For privacy purposes I delete our text conversation and their phone number, but I make sure to tell them that I won’t do it right away, so if they feel like getting in touch, that’s not a problem. Every connection I’ve made so far has been really positive. People are really grateful and say things like, “I don’t know what I’d do if I were doing this alone.” In those moments, it’s clear to me why I do what I do.Are the clinics happy you’re there?
In my experience, the staff are happy with us, because they think what we do is important, but also because we don’t interfere. Some organisations send their people into the treatment room. Doctors don’t appreciate that.How has COVID impacted the project?
When we first started, we received quite a few requests, but I do think the pandemic has had an effect on how many people we’ve accompanied so far. We’re no longer allowed to enter the clinic, so requests were cancelled because people felt guilty that I’d have to wait outside. Which is crazy, of course. Yet, that has sometimes been a positive, because then they eventually decide to confide in a friend.Should we worry about losing the right to safe abortion in the Netherlands?
I wouldn’t say it’s fine and we shouldn’t worry. The anti-abortion lobby in the Netherlands is sizeable – and abroad, abortion laws have become stricter, like in the United States under Trump, or in Poland. I definitely think like an activist, but as a buddy I try to take a step back from that – I want to be there for people who want an abortion, as a buddy and a human being.Thank you, Famke!
After she leaves the clinic, we talk for a little bit. How did it go, were the staff friendly? I'm using the pronoun “she”, but anyone with a uterus could get pregnant. We’re also in touch with a car service, so if someone doesn’t feel physically well after the procedure I can request a cab to take them home, or if they’re feeling really tense we can go sit down somewhere and have a drink.Do you stay in touch after that?
That depends on whether they make another appointment after the initial consultation. Just because I go with someone [for a consultation], doesn’t mean there will be an actual abortion. That’s always up to them, and them alone. Sometimes they go and get the information, only to decide they don’t want to do it after all. That’s fine.If there’s no second appointment scheduled, that’s the last time I see them. For privacy purposes I delete our text conversation and their phone number, but I make sure to tell them that I won’t do it right away, so if they feel like getting in touch, that’s not a problem. Every connection I’ve made so far has been really positive. People are really grateful and say things like, “I don’t know what I’d do if I were doing this alone.” In those moments, it’s clear to me why I do what I do.Are the clinics happy you’re there?
In my experience, the staff are happy with us, because they think what we do is important, but also because we don’t interfere. Some organisations send their people into the treatment room. Doctors don’t appreciate that.How has COVID impacted the project?
When we first started, we received quite a few requests, but I do think the pandemic has had an effect on how many people we’ve accompanied so far. We’re no longer allowed to enter the clinic, so requests were cancelled because people felt guilty that I’d have to wait outside. Which is crazy, of course. Yet, that has sometimes been a positive, because then they eventually decide to confide in a friend.Should we worry about losing the right to safe abortion in the Netherlands?
I wouldn’t say it’s fine and we shouldn’t worry. The anti-abortion lobby in the Netherlands is sizeable – and abroad, abortion laws have become stricter, like in the United States under Trump, or in Poland. I definitely think like an activist, but as a buddy I try to take a step back from that – I want to be there for people who want an abortion, as a buddy and a human being.Thank you, Famke!