What Your Favourite Drinking Game Says About You

Like Tinder one-night stands, self-destructive activities in life are best when gamified.

In all likelihood, amidst being indoctrinated into society’s normalization of alcohol use, drinking too became a game to you. Whether it’s an attempt to power through social anxiety, a bad competitive streak or, simply, that your party is boring as fuck, we’ve all played drinking games. They tend to lead to you being hammered as fuck and make you do things you shouldn’t do. As a debatably wise man once said, “Fun nights lead to awkward mornings.” So, with the power of these games in mind, we put together this list to help you make sense of your personal identity as it relates to your favourite drinking game—because that’s totally something you need.

Beer Pong: Ahhh, one of the most popular drinking games. Rest assured, if this is your favourite drinking game you have 100 percent asked someone if they’ve ever gotten high and watched Planet Earth.

Liquor Pong: Are you sure you want to do this?

Quarters: You’re a masochist.

Beersbee: You have a wide collection of board shorts at home.

Chugging an Entire Bottle of Vodka for the ‘Gram: You really like Barstool.

Little-Known Card-Based Drinking Games That Everyone Is Too Drunk to Understand Rules for So They Quit Halfway Through: Your name is probably Gerald and no one really likes you all that much.

King’s Cup: You probably were super popular and had house parties in high school, which you still consider the best days of your life.

Beer Hockey: You lost a lot of money in cryptocurrency.

Cards Against Humanity: You’re a cop.

Those Games Where You Have to Like Clap and Shit: Your name is probably Jenny and no one really likes you all that much.

Taking Over a Jukebox at a Dive Bar and Then Making People Guess What Song You Put On: You are the managing editor of VICE Canada and assigned us this story because you were grouchy. Fuck you, Josh.

Drinking Every Time Someone Says a Certain Phrase in a Movie: You really want people to watch Army of Darkness for the 17th time and slam a beer when Ash says, “This is my boomstick.” Like Gerald, you are not well-liked and were only invited to this party because you have good weed.

Guitar Hero: You peaked in junior high.

Wizard Stick: You’re dying for attention at the party you’re at. You walk around begging—BEGGING—for people to ask you about the stack of beer cans that have duct-taped together. Then, when they finally do, you lightly chuckle and say, “Oh man, it’s just a cool little thing my friend Jim and I do.”

Trivia: Parties part like the Red Sea around you because no one wants to talk to you or hear about your weirdly specific knowledge of Mork and Mindy.

Flip Cup: You either have fucked a frat boy or you are a frat boy.

Drunk Karaoke Kamikaze: DON’T GO CHASSSSSSSIIIINNNNNGGGGGGG WATTTTTEEERRRRFFFFFAAAAALLLLLSSSSSS.

Truth or Dare: You have an incredibly hard time getting, uh, shall we say, romantic with the opposite sex and this is your last-ditch effort to get with someone.

Fire and Ice: You are a person who values speed, simplicity, and efficiency in all parts of life, including in getting shitfaced. You may have puked on yourself before.

Drunk Jenga: You enjoy destruction and getting in touch with your inner-child.

Sexy Jenga: You’ve been to an orgy.

Drunk Twister: You’ve had knee surgery.

Chandelier: You are unnecessarily competitive and had a bro phase. You may have peaked in college, but hey, you had a good run.

The Sports Video Game Drinking Game: You’re the fuck who buys shots for people at a bar when they adamantly say they don’t want them.

Mario Kart Drinking Game: You cried after you lost your virginity.

Cow-Tipping: You’re gullible and grew up in the middle of nowhere.

Waterfall: You’ve woken up on the toilet before.

Never Have I Ever: You either really enjoy flexing that you’ve had a threesome, are super nosey, or get sadistic pleasure in watching others be publicly shamed.

Bullshit: You’ve seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

Slam Cup: You have no regard for other people’s things.

Shotgun ‘Til You Puke: I don’t know if this is a game outside of my circle of friends but, whatever, you’re most likely from a small town (maybe in northern Alberta) and you should probably pick up a book one of these days.

Slap the Bag: You’ll take any excuse to use a sexual innuendo.

Thumper: You’re obnoxious as hell and could probably be talked into joining a cult.

Edward 40 Hands: You don’t mind pissing yourself in front of a contingent of laughing people you thought were your friends.

Swigging Straight Out of a Liquor Bottle in Your Bachelor Apartment Alone: This counts as a game, right?